I’m back to work

May 22, 2014

It’s official. Mom started a new job and what an exhausting two days I have had. There were stairs to climb and people to meet. Then there were treats and lunches to beg politely ask for. I know it would be correct for me to say, “for which to politely ask,” but I am just not that snooty. So no e-mails, please. Unless, of course, you attach treats to the e-mails. Huh, I’ve decided that’s going to happen when birds fly. Wait, I think the saying is pigs, not birds. But we are all aware that pigs are never going to fly, and I do want to allow a slight possibility that I will get treats as attachments. One never knows…

But I digress. I was talking about my exhausting first day at work There were only two other people working there, but they seemed needy of my attention, so I worked pretty hard all day long. Then there was the “keeping out from under the rolling chair” work that I had to do. That work goes like this: lay down either behind or next to someone who has a chair on wheels. Relax, but not too much. You have to stay alert for when that friggin’ chair comes inching toward you – or sometimes barreling at you. Jump up like someone just tried to set your stubby little tail on fire and quickly scoot out of reach. And that friggin’ chair moves a lot! So you can see how hours on end of this routine can really wear out a schnauzer.

After a hard day at work one would think that I would come home to a good home-cooked Mickey D meal. Ha! What do I get? Nope, not sweet Mickey D hamburgers and fries, nor even the sweet potato and salmon crap dog food that I have grown to loathe. It’s a new flavor, chicken and something, made by the same stupid company that made the other crap food. And it’s not any better. I find that by sneaking boldly approaching my brother Riley’s food dish in the downstairs hallway, I can fill up on his breakfast before starving all day because I won’t eat what is in my own dish. Mom doesn’t understand how my belly gets so big when I am starving to death from never eating from my own bowl. Yeah, I can wait her out on this one. Hmmm. Riley looks like he has been losing weight. I wonder if he is on a diet.

Lexi, the newly employed schnauzer

The Starving Schnauzer

Once again Mom left early in the morning without me. This is the third day in a row she has done that. I think that means she finally got a job to keep me in kibble.

 Speaking of kibble, I am so over the food she has been putting in my dish. It is a pretty dish. It is all shiny metal inside, and the outside is green with doggie paw prints on it. I licked the paw prints; they don’t taste like dog paws. They don’t taste like anything. And the shiny inside doesn’t help make this kibble taste any better. The kibble is salmon and sweet potato. OK, so I liked it a lot at first. But how many years ago was that? I am really tired of it. Image

That makes for problems because I don’t want to eat it but I don’t want anyone else to eat it either. That means I have to guard it.  For my birthday Mom got me canned food to put on it, so what flavor did she get? Salmon and sweet potato. Geesh! If she likes that food combination so much, maybe she should eat it. Maybe I should just stop eating until she gets me something better. That should show her!

Lexi, the starving schnauzer









Boating and Fast Food

It has been an exhausting couple of days. Two days ago Mom came home from wherever she had been for over an hour and I could tell right away she was upset. Not a little upset, either. She even told my Dad to get out of her way. Wow. He backed way up way fast and didn’t say a word. Quick as a wink she changed into her boating clothes, grabbed her boat bag and plopped me into the truck. She hooked up my pontoon and off we went to the lake. I started doing therapy on her while we were still in the truck – she really needed it. He face was salty and her eyes were red. We spent the whole afternoon in one spot on the lake. I swam around the boat once to cool off, then napped on and off and tried to do a little more therapy while Mom took turns reading and laying in the sun.

Even all the boating and sunning and reading didn’t help Mom’s mood. I hate to say I benefited by it, but look, when a dog gets to go to the lake and out to dinner at Mickey D’s, yeah, things were going my way. Seems like I was the only one she could stand to be around that day. You’d better believe I was careful to be a very good girl. I have never before had a McD’s hamburger. OMG it is good! Later that evening I heard her say that she was taking me back to McD’s the next day for my birthday. I starting singing and dancing, and everyone laughed. I couldn’t help myself, I just got so excited thinking about that hamburger.

When we got home that night Mom sat down in front of her computer and in a very short time yelled at my Dad to come quick. After getting yelled at earlier to get out of her way, he came running lickity-split to see what was wrong. She told him to read something on her computer and they both started smiling and saying happy things.  Now I know why Mom wasn’t going to the church to work and why she was unhappy today. She had to find a new job so she could make money to buy my kibble and other things. Everything finally worked out great. She is going to work at another church and she is going to work at a non-profit when she isn’t working at the church. She seems really happy about it. I hope I will get to go, too. I will do therapy and keep food cleaned up from the floor.

Finally, the sun came up the next morning and my real birthday day started. After several hours on the lake in the Sammy Joe, I went to the pet store where I found some ferrets I wanted but no one would let me have them. I found some treats and we got those. There were dog beds that I was not very interested in, so we didn’t get any of those, nor any of the collars, harnesses or clothes we looked at. It would have been cruel to buy those things on my birthday.

From there we went to Mickey D’s where I got another hamburger and a dish of ice cream. It was a hot day so we sat in the shade and ate our supper. I ate my hamburger in about five seconds flat plus an extra second for the pickle. Mom couldn’t understand why I didn’t dig into my cup of ice cream. Duh…she still had some of her fish sandwich left. Of course, when she realized that was the reason, she shared it with me so that I could move on to dessert. Once again it took her a minute, but she finally figured out I wanted her to feed me the ice cream with the spoon. Once we got that established, I ate until I got brain freeze. I mean, I saved her a little bit of the ice cream at the bottom of the cup.

On the way home we took a detour to the dog park. A big white dog wanted to “friend me.” I was polite but not interested, so I didn’t “accept.” Why is Mom laughing?  I hear people say this all the time, so I think I should be able to say it too, don’t you? What’s Facebook?

Lexi the fast-food schnauzer



I think I almost drowned

OK, sure, I had on that hot pink polka dotted life vest that flies in the face of all that is called fashion. But I feed off my Mom’s emotions, and I think I almost drowned.
Let me back up a bit.
I was having a good, if not wonderful, day on my boat, the Sammy Joe. Yeah, yeah, I am still trying to get the name changed, but am beginning to think it might be like becoming a saint – you have to die first. So maybe we should just stick with the sainted Sammy Joe.
I digress.

I did my usual go in the lake for a swim as soon as the anchor is dropped. My beautiful black hair gets very hot in the sun and I know the lake water will cool me down. The water is actually still fairly cold this time of year, as well as dirty, but it does the trick. After being pulled in when I get back to the front of the pontoon, I shake and rub myself all over any towels and clothes that happen to be at my disposal. Satisfied that everything else on the boat is now at least as wet as me, I sun myself to dry on the bench seat. Today we were fairly near a camp along the shore. We were at least near enough that I could see and hear some of what was going on, so that held my interest for quite a while. Mom read her book in the shade of my boat awning, then she moved to a sunny position at the front of my boat and read some more. After about three or four hours of this I started getting just a bit bored. The wind had picked up enough that I wasn’t getting hot, so I hadn’t gone swimming again. In fact, the wind had picked up so much that it was creating waves that rocked us just like if we were caught in the wake of another boat. On top of that it didn’t look like there were going to be any treats today. I was just thinking about asking to go in for another swim when Mom pulled the anchor, started her up and headed back toward the dock. I stood at the very front of my boat, facing the side as Mom navigated the waves. When I face the front, Mom knows that I am playing hood ornament. I always go to the side when I want to go in the water. Seeing this, Mom stopped the boat, put the awful life vest back on me and dropped me into the water. What she did NOT do was drop the anchor.

I make it my business to always, and I mean always, swim in a clockwise direction around the boat, usually just once. This time I found myself moving faster than usual along the first side. When I made the turn to cross the back near the motor, I started feeling the pull of the water. I made the second turn to swim back up the far side and get pulled in at the front. Then I realized it was like swimming in place. I don’t know if the current was pulling me away from my boat, or pulling my boat away from me. I just know I wasn’t making any progress. Mom reached over the side but couldn’t reach me. She told me to swim harder, but I was swimming as hard as I was able. She reached down and started paddling with her hands to try to get my boat closer to me so she could grab me. I think in her panic she forgot about the new, never used paddle she keeps inside the bench seat. Thankfully, her hand paddling must have worked; her fingers finally twined through the long hairs in my beard and pulled me around to the front where she could lift me to safety. Normally, I would have objected to being pulled through the water by my face, but this time all I felt was relief that she had ahold of me. I am Lexi, the not drowned schnauzer.
Lexi on Boat 2