Lucy: Mom says we really went and did it this time.
Xena: Yep, but that was only after she could talk again.
Lucy: I thought I saw her head spin clear around, she was so mad.
Xena: I think she was spitting venom while her eyes rolled back.
Lucy: And fire was shooting out of her nose. That’s why I stayed up in the chair and tried to look innocent.
Xena: I just hid in the corner of my kennel until she slammed the house door and left.
Lucy: Here’s what happened. Last week we got to run outside in the front yard every day. It was so much fun!
Can you see how fast we ran? We played bitey-face, too.
Xena: It was great until Mommy got another part-time job, one where I can’t go with her. So now I only get to go on Mondays and Thursdays, and have to stay in my kennel the rest of the days when she is gone to work. That started the middle of last week, and that’s the morning this all happened…before she went for her first day at this job-without-me. She must have been mad about having to go to another job.
Lucy: Mmm, I don’t think so, Xena. I think it’s ’cause we ran off into the woods by the house instead of staying in the front yard with her. Then we didn’t come back when she called us.
Xena: No, Lucy. You ran off. I just followed you. Then there was so much to smell on the ground, I didn’t hear her calling. Mommy says us schnauzers go nose deaf.
Lucy: Whatever, Xena. The point is, we were both off in the woods where Mom could hear us but mostly not see us and she said there’s poison ivy back there, too. And she thought she was going to be late to work on her first day because we wouldn’t listen to her.
Xena: I went back to her. But then I thought I had better go get you and ran off again. It’s probably all your fault.
Lucy: Mom said we had better keep these pictures where we can see them, ’cause that’s the closest we are getting to running around loose out front again until her life on this earth is over. That was after she said some HBO words.
Xena: Look, Lucy, I can run as fast as you! I run so fast the hair on my face blows back into my eyes.
Lucy: Hmm. Maybe we can use that as an excuse. We were running so fast that we couldn’t see we weren’t in the yard anymore.
Mom: Forget it, girls. You are so totally grounded.
We are Lucy and Xena, the GroundeduntilH*llfreezesoverand-thereisnomorelifeleftonearthGirls