I’m Getting Sea Rum

Mommy got a job. I liked it better when she was home with me all day. I slept in her lap a lot! Now Mommy is working at another church, uh, I mean a synagogue. I think that’s right. Anyhow, it’s another place where God lives.

Lucy: Grodd lives here with us.

Good grief, Lucy, I said God, not Grodd. Anyhow, I grodd — dang, I meant got. I got to go to the synagogue with Mommy last week. Everyone came in Mommy’s office to meet me and pet me and tell me how sweet and pretty I am. One lady even said that I had leg hairs like the big Clydesdale horses! Mommy was real busy keeping me under control working, and she forgot to take any pictures. I even got to go to the staff meeting because I threw a fit when she left me alone in the office across the hall, where Mommy made me stay on her lap and everybody ignored me.

We left work early and went up the road a short piece to the special vet’s where I had gone two weeks ago. He is called an allergist, and I heard he comes here to Chattanooga from the Knoxville Veterinary school at UTK. That’s where really good animal dogtors teach students how to be animal dogtors. He is supposed to be very special, or maybe on a special list.

I really didn’t know why I was there, but I should have guessed it wasn’t for anything good when Mommy lost the battle about holding me for something that was about to happen. She had to wait in the lobby while they whisked me into the inner bowels of the building. I remained brave. I didn’t even flinch when they cruelly stuck a needle in my arm. The next thing I knew, the world kinda’ started spinning. Then everything got peaceful, and I didn’t care what was happening. I heard the sound of clippers, like what Mommy uses to groom me, before I felt little pricks, but it didn’t bother me at all.

Before long, they gave me a shot and the world started coming back into focus. The nice nurse, Noah, wrapped me up in a fluffy towel and brought me out to Mommy. Mommy held me and talked sweet to me, but I was kind of a little bit mad at her for not saying, “No,” like she does when the vet places want to shove the glass stick up my patootie. I wouldn’t even look at her. I kept growling, but the growls all faded out into pitiful whimpers. Finally, I let my anal glands empty on her arm.  I thought I heard Angel Lexi coaching me on that one.

I  wanted Daddy to hold me when we got home. I feel safe in his arms.Nurse Noah gave Mommy a paper showing what I tested positive to.  I am allergic to 17 of the things they tested me for, ranging from different trees and grasses to fleas and house mold. Nurse Noah is going to make my sea rum on Monday and mail it to me. I sure hope it tastes good!

Xena, the Polka Dot Schnauzer Warrior Princess