The War on the Stuffies

Lucy, Ace Reporter, coming to you with breaking news. Our house’s Dog Nation has declared war on the Family Stuffies.

There were small incidents beginning before the Thanksgiving holidays. An antler here, an ear there. Mom had been in bed sick for a few days with a bad cold, so at first it was all chalked up to boredom. And, as usual, the stuffies were easy targets. Riley’s stuffie, Ratty D, lost his nose in one incident. Mom super glued it back on. And, as usual, Chia was blamed.

Chia: Excuse me, Ace Reporter Lucy! I didn’t do it! I really didn’t! Really!

Yes, that’s what Chia claimed the entire time, but no one believed her. Then we found out she was telling the shocking truth!

Last Friday Christmas decorations and stuffies had been brought down from the attic, including Christmas Reindeer. Chia immediately claimed the reindeer (NOT Riley’s reindeer, Rainey) and carried it everywhere through the house with her. I was carefully watching, waiting to catch her in the act of wanton destruction, but all seemed quiet (OK, maybe not exactly quiet) on the home front.

Then, one evening when brother Andrew was here, Riley walked into the living room with his reindeer Rainey’s head!!! Mom gasped in shock and Riley wagged his tail. He had beheaded one of his best friends, the only stuffy he had never harmed. This was going on two Christmases that Riley had loved and cherished Rainey, and now this! WARNING: Picture of graphic violence to follow:

All the stuffing had also been removed from Rainey’s body.

Mom was getting ready to give Rainey a proper burial in the garbage can when brother Andrew, always quick on his feet, stuffed all the stuffing back into the lifeless body, and set it, with the head on top, on the kitchen counter. His ploy worked. Mom, an excellent seamstress, sewed the gaping neck wound closed and reattached Rainey’s head.

We think Rainey will be disabled the rest of his stuffy life. He can no longer hold his head in one position, but it flops down or to the side. This reporter wipes away a tear as I continue to report that Rainey’s first request was to be near Riley. Forgiveness is a wonderful thing.

This reporter was wrapping it up when Racky D asked to be able to say something on the record. Go ahead, Racky D.

Racky D here. As you can see, I’ve been the the victim of stuffy abuse. After the Mom super glued my nose back on a week or so ago, I thought, great, I’ve still only got one eye, but at least I can smell again. Then, out of nowhere, Xena bit off my nose. Of course, Chia got blamed at first, but the truth always comes out in the end. And that’s all I’ve got to say.

Lucy: Wrapping it up, I see that we still have a large contingent of stuffies on the victrola. Hey there friends. You’ve been up there a long time. Is there something you want to say?

Hey there Lucy, Ace Reporter. This is Chippie, appointed spokes chipmunk by our leader Guru Larry Lemur. The six of us have fled as refugees from the environment that has turned hostile toward all stuffies. And we want to say we were appalled at what Riley did to Rainey. We plan to stay up here where it’s crowded but safe. A kind person has given us our own Christmas tree, and, like I said, we have sought refuge here where it’s relatively safe. We aren’t having fun anymore, but at least we have our stuffy lives. And Santa Paws knows where to find us.

That wraps it up folks. I hope to be back to you soon with news of peace in our Dog Nation, good will toward stuffies.

Lucy, Ace Reporter, signing off.