Read Xena’s Story in the pages of Canadian Cats. It’s really easy to access Xena’s Story simply click on the header at Xena’s Story and poof! there you are.
SHOKO….. BEAUTIFUL BLACK TYE……. REBEL ROYAL BLUE XENA……PUKY LIME
Sho was riding on the Magic Carpet over where the big white house was supposed to be. “Holy kittens, Look at the size of that white house, It puts our poor little hut, Canada, to shame. What is that in the backyard….it looks like Xe and Tye. “Up Here Tye and Xe. Look up…up, up. They see me, CADA. Oh catnip heaven they’re safe!” Sho let’s out a deep breath she’d been holding in since she learned Tye was in an Internment Camp…..now she could relax, the travellers were ok.
They’re both running in circles and waving their paws. Sho waves back…
Lucy: We are joining with Easy Blog and the Canadian Cats Blog today to give Uncle Bob (can we call you “uncle,” Uncle Bob?) can make some different suppers for him and Aunt Jean (can we call you “aunt,” Aunt Jean?).
Lucy: Xena and I help keep the floor clean when Mom is cooking, so we can tell you, this dish we’re about to give you the recipe for is super yummy. And it’s dog and cat friendly right up to the point where you add the raisins. It’s supposed to be cran-raisins, which we could eat, but Mom uses raisins ’cause they don’t have any added sugar. If you don’t care about things like added sugar, go with the dried cranberries so we can eat some of it, cause it’s even yummier that way.
This recipe is called BUTTERNUT SQUASH WITH APPLE AND CRANBERRIES (or RAISINS)
Mom forgot to take a picture of it when she took it out of the oven, and her and Dad dove into it, so this is all that’s left. At least we caught her before she ate it all for lunch today.
Xena: We hear this is really easy to make once you get past the killing the squash part. Here’s how you do it.
Part 1: Get one butternut squash and nuke it in the microwave for about 4 or 5 minutes to soften it a little. Be sure to poke some holes in it with a fork first so it is injured and doesn’t get away. Then peel it with an apple peeler if you have one, or just a paring knife if you don’t. Slice open it’s belly and remove all the seeds. We like to eat any guts, er seeds, that miss the trash can. Cut up what’s left into smallish cubes, or even medium size cubes if you’re in a hurry or don’t like cutting. Just so it fits in your mouth when it’s cooked. Dump it all in a great big bowl.
Part 2: Core and chop up 3 or 4 apples. We don’t care what kind, as long as they cook good in the oven. No need to peel them. Dump them in with the squash.
Part 3: Dump in 1/4 cup of butter, 1/2 to 1 cup dried cranberries or raisins, 1/4 teaspoon each of cinnamon and nutmeg, and about 3 tablespoons of sugar. (Mommy uses Stevia – it’s that sugar thing again.)
Lucy: This next part involves heat and fire, so I’ll take it from here. After mixing everything up, dump it in a great big casserole dish, the bigger the better – like 3 quarts – and put it in a hot oven that’s set to 425F/220C degrees. Cook it for 30 minutes, then lower temperature to 350F/175C degrees and keep cooking for another hour. It will be done and ready to eat. HOWEVER, after the first 30 minutes, our Mom lowers the temp to 325F/163C and cooks it for about 2 and a half or 3 more hours. That way, it shrivels up and is sweet like a dessert.
Lucy and Xena: Whichever way you cook it, it’s yummy-scrumpdilyishus! Uh Mom, did you just eat all that? And you didn’t save any for Dad? Or us?
Pee S: This makes a very large amount, so you might want to either just get a small butternut squash and use 2 or 3 apples or you might want to just use half the squash.
Lucy: Your stories are selling like hotcakes, Xena. We should be getting royaltreats or something like that. I’m going to check with our publicist. Oh Mo-o-o-o-ommm…
Xena: What’s the “we?” I’m doing all the work.
If you missed any of our story, you can click on Part 1 and Part 2 and Part 3 and Part 4. It’ll help Part 5 make more sense…
Xena’s story: A Dog and her Cat Friends, with another Plot Hound, Part Five
The driver in the old truck barked at them to stop. “Y’all stop now, y’hear? I’m your ride to the big white house. Didn’t Ho No tell y’all to ‘spect me?”
“So you aren’t the ICY Plott Hound from Texas?” the two friends asked.
“Golly no, I’m a NICE Plott Hound from the hills of Georgia. My name’s Sally. That thar one you mentioned is my cousin Leroy. He thanks he’s hot stuff. Come on and jump in the back and I’ll getcha where yer goin”.
“I think we should trust her,” whispered Xe. “What do you want to do, Tye?”
“Let’s get in. We can always jump out if it’s a trick. But my gut feeling is she’s one of the good hounds.” So off they went in the back of the truck, getting ever closer to the big white house.
*87 hours later* (It was an old, slow truck.)
“Here we are, little ladies,” woofed Sally, “the big white house is thar, behind all those bushes. Which reminds me, it’s time for a potty break.”
“Let’s go find the person who can help us stop this unjust incarceration of Siamese cats,” meowed Tye. She jumped out the window of the truck, and Sally helped Xe down from the truck bed. Before she would go any further, Xe ran a comb through her beard and leggings and put on her favorite scarf, so as to make a good impression on the person in charge. Xe asked Sally, “Is this the big white house?”
“Well,” Sally replied as she hurried off to do her bizness in the bushes, ” it is a big white house, now ain’t it?” After bagging up her droppings in a Mickey D’s carry out container left over from lunch the previous day, Sally hopped behind the wheel and drove off in a cloud of white exhaust fumes.
After Xe and Tye stopped coughing, they climbed the many steps up to the front door of the big white house, where they woofed and meowed as loudly as they could until the door opened. Upon telling the door man why they were there, they were ushered into a stately sitting room, where they waited for the Person In Charge, who they decided to refer to as PIC.
Pretty soon the PIC entered the room. Xe had seen pictures of the ICY PIC who lived there, and was not looking forward to this encounter. As expected, this man was tall, made even taller by the stove top hat he was wearing. “That’s different – I’ve never seen him wear a hat on TV,” thought Xe. His hair wasn’t that fake yellow, and his face didn’t look the same, either. Maybe a new person had moved in and taken over, she thought. He lowered himself into the largest chair in the room and removed his black hat. “Welcome to the big white house,” he said congenially. “What can I do for you today?”
“I would like some fresh meat and veggies, please,” Xe politely asked, just before her stomach started growling again.
Tye started to protest, meowing that wasn’t the reason they were there, but the NICE PIC clapped his large hands. The person who answered the door entered the room, and the NICE PIC told him to bring his guests food, saying, “No one can think right on an empty stomach. Give them whatever they want.”
Xe requested salmon, and whatever fresh veggies were available. After thinking for only a moment, Tye asked for shrimp. While they were eating, the NICE PIC told them entertaining stories about his childhood and his beloved dogs and cats. Soon they were able to relax with full bellies and an affinity for the NICE PIC.
Tye settled into her new friend’s lap, partially slipping under his suit coat to keep warm. Xe sat at his feet while they took turns relating the injustice of incarcerating innocent Siamese cats, as well as the horrors of the detention center. The NICE PIC, who said they could just call him Abe, softly stroked Tye while listening attentively. As their story came to an end, he promised to make a Proclamation declaring all animals and people equal, and that he would put an immediate end to the detentions. They sensed he was an honest person, and thanked him profusely.
“Now, let’s get a picture of us all for posterity,” he said. I believe this day will go down in history. Xe was very glad she had spiffed herself up after her long journey, and hoped no food was stuck to her beard as was wont to happen. Abe assured her that she looked lovely, so she relaxed and faced the camera.
The two friends accepted the invitation to stay the night, and, after a night-night treat, slept soundly in a big soft bed.
The next morning they all ate hearty breakfasts which had been prepared specifically to each of their tastes and diets. It was a beautiful, sunny day and Xe and Tye were outside taking care of necessary business in the bushes when a shadow suddenly covered them both. Tye began to jump up and down, meowing loudly. Xe thought the shadow must be from a cloud until she looked up – and would have wet her pants if she had any on and if she hadn’t already taken care of that business – and saw something she thought was only in story books. Abe had offered them a helicopter ride back to Tennessee, but it seemed they wouldn’t need to use it after all.
Be sure to check out what actually happens next by reading Shoko’s story at The Canadian Cats this Friday! Then come back next Monday for the grand finale of my story.
Xena Schnauzer Warrior Princess with Lucy as my Editor
Xena: Who’s up there on the bed whispering? Make way, I’m coming up.
Yay! You’re all out of hibernation, and look! There’s our missing Mr. Eleephant!! Sweetheart, your eye looks odd. Do you have pink-eye?
Sweetheart Bear: No, Xena, that’s just my pink furs that got in it. You can lick them away from my eye if you want. And yes, we found Mr. Eleephant. Well, actually, Rainbow bear found him sitting on the front step. He was a bit hungry and cold, but otherwise he’s ok.
Elle: The bears are having a post-hibernation confab and I was invited because I’m Mr. Eleephant’s care-taker when he is here.
Jen Jen Bear: Yes we’re discussing how to keep everyone alive and safe from that Riley dog, as well as what to do about that Scoundrel Ludwig.
Ludwig suddenly appears: Mr. Eleephant, it’s good to see you’re alive and well. I had urgent business to…
Rainbow Bear: Ludwig, you scoundrel! We take care of our own around here. How dare you abandon Mr. Eleephant on the front porch while you tried to spy on Xena! (click here if you missed this)
Ludwig: Mr. Eleephant is OK – he’s a tough old coot. And well, I, I, I already wore the cone of shame. Isn’t that enough? Can’t we all be friends again?
The bears and the elephants discussed how they wanted to handle this, and what to do next. An executive decision was made…
OK, all y’all, game’s on. Last one to Xena’ kennel is a rotten Ludwig!
This is Xena Schnauzer Warrior Princess and Chippy the chipmunk with a hoard travelling to my kennel.
Xena: Take it away where? What are you talking about, Lucy? I’m watching to see where this squirrel goes.
Lucy: I mean, go ahead with more of your story. Your adoring fans are waiting to hear what happens next. *sigh* I’ll watch the squirrel for you.
If you missed any of our story, you can click on Part 1 and Part 2 and Part 3. It’ll help Part 4 make more sense…
Xena’s story: A Dog and her Cat Friends, with another Plot Hound, Part Four
With a newly-found resolve, Xe and Tye headed in the general direction they thought was toward Tennessee. It was early morning, so they kept the sun on their right as they walked. From old habits in Siam, where Tye was from, they kept away from the water as they traveled, so nothing could jump out and eat them. As they walked they talked about many things. The pair recalled the fun they had together in Siam, and how Tye would catch mice to throw at any leopards or tigers they might encounter. That led to Tye relating her voyage from Siam to Texas and the mice she caught and cared for. Then the conversation took a more serious turn.
“You know what happened to you when you got off the ship wasn’t right.” Xe got angry just thinking about it. “We need to do something so it doesn’t happen to any more Siamese cats.”
“It’s true, Xe. I was so excited, thinking about seeing you again and the fun we would have, and the next thing I knew I was sitting in that detention center eating rotten vegetables. I hadn’t done anything wrong! I don’t understand why I got treated like that!”
“We need to go to the big white house and ask the people in charge to make those ICY people stop doing that,” exclaimed Xe. But it’s a long walk; we’re going to need a ride.”
No sooner did Xe woof their need for a ride than a horse came galloping up to them.
“I hear you’re in need of a ride.” The horse bowed her head as she addressed Xe. “How can I help you free everyone of tyranny and oppression and rotten vegetables?”
Xe and Tye looked up at this huge horse, who seemed to genuinely want to help them, even if she was a bit zealous and also a bit off the mark of their goal. “What is your name?” they asked in unison, both with a slight quiver of fear in their voices.
“I am a Horse with No Name,” replied the magnificent creature. “Tell me why you are out here in the middle of nowhere, and where you want to go.”
Xe was spell-bound that there could be a Horse with No Name. Ignoring the horse’s question, Xe asked, “Have you been to the desert? I hear in the desert you can remember your name.”
When the Horse with No Name didn’t reply, Tye and Xe related their experiences over the past few days.
“Stay here,” said the horse as she wheeled about on her hind legs and cantered off into the scrub brush, just out of earshot. They could hear her whinnying and nodding her head, but couldn’t make out what she was saying into her iphone.
“Both of you, climb on my back and I will get you as far as I can,” the Horse with No Name told them as she skidded to a stop in front of them.
The two friends looked at each other, and, with unspoken agreement leaped upon the Horse with No Name’s back.
As their newest friend started off at a full gallop, Xe and Tye laid down and hung on for dear life. “Ho No!” they screamed,” we’re going to die!”
“How did you guess that I go by ‘Ho No?’ asked the Horse with No Name.
“Is that a Hawaiian word?” asked Tye.
“No, it’s short for HOrse with NO Name,” replied the horse. “And I won’t let you die. I’ll stop if I feel one of you slipping off.”
On like that they went for about 87 miles, with Ho No settling into a smooth trot that she could keep up for hours. The riders kept their eyes closed for a long time, pressing themselves against her broad, flat back. Except for an occasional grunt, their claws digging into her sides didn’t seem to bother Ho No at all. At one point, Tye opened her eyes, and seeing how pretty Ho No’s mane was braided, asked her about it. “It’s because I’m a girl,” Ho No said as if that was the only explanation needed.
After what felt like 87 hours Ho No came to a halt. “This is the end of the line for me, girls,” she whinnied. I’ve gotten you as far as northeast Georgia. I spoke with one of my friends, who is going to pick you up and take you the rest of the way to the big white house.”
“Will we see you again?” Tye began to ask, but Ho No had already disappeared down the back dirt road in a cloud of dust. Or maybe it was a cloud of red clay since they were, after all, in Georgia
They waited there for about 87 minutes, watching for another horse to appear, hopefully one with a real name. They were taking advantage of the fresh water nearby (that Ho No had promised was safe), when an old truck came charging down the road.
“Xe Xe,” whispered Tye, ” get your nose out of the grass and look at this. I think maybe the ICY Plott Hound has found us, but something looks different about him.”
At that, Xe whipped around, ready to make a run for it with Tye.
Xena: To start off our not quite WW we want to wish everyone a belated happy St. Patrick’s Day, and feature the back of the green shirt that was printed during Angel Lexi’s second run as Toto in the Wizard of Oz.
Can you find Lexi’s name? The first one to get the right answer will win… oh, never mind; Lucy’s just going to stop me anyway.
Lucy: Next, we want to feature the infamous cone of shame. You may remember that “Lois” showed up at our front door claiming to be Ludwig’s cousin. You can click hereif you missed that one. Many of you were justifiably dubious, and thought it was probably Ludwig in drag. Well, we are here to tell you that you were right! The first give-away (no, not a trip, Xena) was that “Lois” immediately took up Ludwig’s usual place on the old Victrola.
Spying on Xena was such a shameful act that he has to wear the cone of shame, at least until we figure out where Mr. Eleephant is.
Now for our Cone of Shame funny, he, he, he.
Thanks to Comedy Plus for hosting the Wordless Wednesday Blog Hop!
XOX from your friends, Lucy and Xena Schnauzer Warrior Princess
If you missed Part 1, click here, and Part 2, click here.
Lucy: OK Xena, you’ve kept everyone waiting long enough. It’s time for the next installment of your story. Let’s see, you left Tye in an interment camp for illegal Siamese and others our country didn’t want here, and you were on your way to get her out. What happens next? Do you get Tye out and bring her home with you?
Xena: Well, you see, I’ve been thinking about it, and sometimes things get worse before they get better. At least that’s what I’ve heard. But maybe not too much worse…
A Dog, Her Cat Friends and a Plot Hound Part 3
Xe took her suitcase full of good raw meat – frozen to keep it from spoiling – and hopped the first bus she could find heading out to the detention center in Texas where poor Tye had been imprisoned.
Xe told the driver what was happening, and he put the peddle to the metal, ignoring the rest of his stops. Later that night the driver dropped Xe off at the address Tye had given for the center and wished her well.
Meanwhile, Tye was saying goodbye to the second doggie she had ever made friends with. Pedro the chihuahua had been picked up by Border Patrol and been detained until he found a sponsor. A nice American man rescued Pedro the chihuahua. Instead of saying, “Gracias,” Pedro kept yelling, “Quiero Taco Bell.” He must have been starving!
Tye, also famished from subsisting on a diet of rotten vegetables, pleaded with the man to take her, too. “Please, nice man, won’t you take me home with you, or at least get me outta here and onto a bus to my friend’s house in Tennessee?” But the man said he was only allowed to rescue one detainee at a time. He promised to try to come back for her, though, especially since she and Pedro were now friends.
Xe had hidden in the bushes until the breakfast bell rang and the guards all went off to eat. As she stealthily approached the fence, a man carrying a chihuahua walked past her.
The pup kept screaming something about Taco Bell, and that made Xe’s stomach growl loudly. The man walked faster, thinking Xe was about to attack. Xe thought about following them, hoping to score a taco, but resolved to get Tye out from behind that fence first. Yes! Tye was her first priority, even over her stomach, and that shows a lot of love from a schnauzer, even a warrior princess schnauzer.
All the resolve in the world couldn’t help her when an ICY Plott Hound guard suddenly appeared from around the corner. He had heard all the yelling, and came to see if someone was passing out tacos. Xe decided to make a run for it ..
… when the ICY Plott Hound guard grabbed her by the back leg and slung her into a bag with a sign on it that read, “Schnauzer meat, good to eat.” Xe hoped the sign was a joke, but what kind of a person – or dog – would joke about that! In short order, Xe was processed (no, not made into meat; her paperwork got finished), then she was thrown into a detention area.
Even though this was not the reunion they had both imagined, Tye and Xe were happy to see each other again. “What’s in that red cooler over there?” asked Xe. “Rotten vegetables,” replied Tye, with a look of both disdain and resignation on her face. Xe was about to explain that there were good probiotics in some rotten veggies when a sudden flash of hope shone in Tye’s eyes. She looked at Xe and whispered, “We can plan our escape together. There is a COOL guard in here who likes me, and she will help us!”
The next day, when the COOL guard came to see how Tye was doing, she was surprised to see Tye cuddled up sleeping with a schnauzer warrior princess – and Minnie Mouse.
Xe had remembered to pack her bed, a pretty scarf to wear to sleep in, and a mouse toy for Tye. Tye had to meow Xe awake so they could confer with the COOL guard.
“Excuse me ma’am,” woofed Xe (Xe had been raised to have good manners), “could you please help us get out of here? I am Xe Schnauzer Warrior Princess, and I am a citizen of the great US, born in Georgia and living in Tennessee. You can check my AKC papers, it’s all right there.”
After looking over Xe’s official papers, the COOL lady took them to the office to start the process for her release. And since Xe really is a citizen of the US, she also applied to be Tye’s sponsor. While Xe and Tye waited, they filled their bellies with the now thawed meat that Xe had brought.
87 hours later, the paperwork was still not ready. Come nightfall, the two friends snuggled up to sleep in the comfort of each other’s company. The next morning the COOL guard, also called the NICE (short for Not ICY) guard by Tye and Xe, returned with all the paperwork they needed to be released and allowed to go back to Tennessee.
“Well, we’re out,” meowed Tye, who still wore her ID from the detention center. “Now what?”
“I don’t know,” woofed Xe. “I don’t know how to get home from here, and I want my Mommy.”
“Don’t worry,” Tye said in her best soothing voice. “I’ve come all the way from Siam, almost got thrown overboard on the ship, got locked up in a detention center, ate rotten vegetables for a week, and then my bestie XeXe came and rescued me!”
At Tye’s words, Xe had to smile, if only a little, and her heart swelled with love for her cat friend. “You’re right, TyeTye, it can only get better from here. Let’s go home.”
The sun was just rising behind them as they began their journey north on paw, hoping that a NICE person would give them a lift to Tennessee.
Come back next Monday to find out what happens next.
Story and pictures by Xena, all rights reserved, except for certain cats in Canada who are part of this story. But the mean old plott hound can’t use this to his own devices.
Lucy: As many of you know, our Mom works as the Office Manager at a Conservative Jewish synagogue. The shul, or synagogue building, is too unstable to use, and it is going to be torn down. Because of that the office has been moved into the basement of our house while they try to figure out a more permanent solution for worship, work, and events. It’s really nice, cause Mom only has to walk downstairs to go to work, and we can go to work with her.
Xena: By the way, I am out of the cone now. I got my stitches removed from my Big Girl surgery, and I’m leaving my incision alone. I really don’t want to have to wear that plastic head band again.
Lucy: So anyhow, back to Mom, I kept hearing her and Dad talk about teaching a dance called the Hustle. Then I got an idea!
“Hey Mom, why are you teaching Hustle at a synagogue? I thought they worshiped and learned there. I didn’t know it was a place to dance!”
Mom: “Purim is coming up, and it’s one of the most fun holidays celebrated by the Jewish people. Purim (held on the 14th day of the Hebrew month of Adar — this year the first week of March) commemorates the day Esther, Queen of Persia, saved the Jewish people from execution by Haman, the adviser to the Persian king. “
Lucy: “Haman…boo! Um, do they use cats to purr, for Purim? I can’t wait to hear that. Will any of them come to our office?”
Mom: “No, sweet Lucy. It’s pronounced pour-um. And, before you ask, the only thing being poured is some drinks.”
Xena: “Why are you teaching hustle? Maybe I could do my dance routine with you and we could teach Freestyle?”
Mom: “It’s got to be hustle because the theme for the evening is ‘Stayin’ Alive,’ like in the John Travolta movie. It’s right out of the 1960’s, when hustle was big. Because of the problems with the building, and the challenges of keeping the congregation together with hope that we will overcome those challenges, we went with that theme. Last year there was a Talent Contest at the Purim celebration, and your Dad and I dressed up and performed the hustle.
Everyone enjoyed it, and it fit right into this year’s theme. Hence, your Dad and I are teaching hustle.”
Lucy (back to my idea): “Hey Mom, maybe I could try helping to teach dance as a career, like Angel Lexi did. She even created a Video of her doing hustleas a Valentine’s present to Noodle.”
Xena: No! I want to help! Me, me! I want to do a video! I want…
*a few days later*
Lucy: “Mom, aren’t you going to brush your hair before you leave the house?”
Mom: “Nope, I need big hair for our Stayin’ Alive party! See you pups later.”
Lucy: We heard about the party, but didn’t get to go. The Rabbi and our friend Laurie did a skit like in SNL (Saturday Night Live) and different folks read the Megillah in Hebrew, and everyone ate and drank, and then the Hustle class started.
Maybe it’s good that we weren’t there after all. Happy belated Purim, everyone, and may none of your dance teachers look this crazy.
If you missed Xena’s story, Part 1, please click here.
Lucy: Xena, as your most excellent editor, I must nudge you to write the second part of your story. Your fans are waiting, and you don’t want to disappoint them. As for me, I need a nap. Why don’t you do that while I sleep?
Xena: You’re right, Luce. Let me think. *5 minutes later, which in dog time is at least half an hour* OK, here’s what happened next…
Xena’s story: A Dog and her Cat Friends, still with no Plot Hounds, Part Two
Summer slid into fall, and fall into winter, and the Siamese cats Sho and Tye missed their new schnauzer friend named Xe. “I want to go find Xe in the great USA,” meowed Tye. “She’s my only schnauzer friend – my only doggie friend, really. And we’re like sisters now.”
Come spring, Tye was determined to jump a ship and sail to the great USA to visit Xe. Sho warned her about the dangers, and said it would be smarter to stay at home near their hut Canada, and let Xe come back and visit them. Tye argued that Xe had told her that the USA didn’t have any crocodiles or cobras, so it must be a safe place.
In the end, Tye did what she wanted. Sho stayed behind to protect Canada. While trying to figure out a way to get to the great USA, Tye met a young Siamese boy who became smitten with her beauty and promised to help her board the next ship heading that way. The boy, whose name was Buddy, got a job on the ship as a deck hand, and smuggled Tye on board in his duffel bag.
Eventually the Captain found out, and was about to throw her overboard when she cried out, “Wait! Have you seen any mice on this ship since we left port? NO! No you haven’t, because I have been earning my passage. Come down to my, er, Buddy’s cabin and you can see I’m telling the truth, and it would be disastrous to throw me – your mouser – overboard.”
So down to Buddy and Tye’s cabin they went, where the Captain, delighted and astounded that Tye was telling the truth, found the ship’s mice.
After that, the Captain and Tye spent a lot of time together, and became fast friends. He often tossed the fish he caught to Tye to eat. He even gave her some corn to share with her mice friends – on the condition that the mice stay in Tye’s cabin. The little mice had never lived so well, with a soft bed and a steady supply of food, so they were happy to remain where they were.
Time flew by, and soon the ship docked at a port in Texas, USA. As Tye stepped off the ship onto American soil, an ICY officer put her in pawcuffs and told her she was being detained as an illegal Siamese cat. She was frightened and bewildered! No one had ever treated her like this. The ICY person was cold to her pitiful cries and pleas and carted her off to a horrid detention center.
After a couple of weeks of eating nothing but rotten veggies, Tye made friends with one of the ICY people. The officer said she wasn’t really ICY, just a bit COOL, and that – please don’t tell anyone – she loved cats and would try to help her. The COOL person smuggled in her IPad. Tye used it to contact Xe, asking her to come and help her escape from this awful detention center in Texas. Tye explained that cats, especially Siamese cats, had been targeted as something called “undesirables,” and were being framed as murderers and liars and thieves and were even taking jobs from American cats. Every day, cats were taking the fall for the Americans who had actually committed these crimes (except the spoiled and lazy American people didn’t really want the American cats’ jobs because it was hard work).
Xe was confused as to why Tye had come to visit without emailing her first. Then she was sad at what had happened. Then she was mad – outraged, actually – at the injustice of it all, and at what poor, innocent Tye was going through. Now was not the time to assign blame – that might come later. Xe’s first priority was freeing Tye from the bondage. Or at least from the cat detention center. She would be a Freedom Rider. “It’s a good thing I have some experience riding,” she thought, as she remembered her one – and only – time on a horse.
“Mom,” declared Xe, “I have to go help my cat friend, Tye. She’s found herself in a pooping-outside-the-litter-box load of trouble, and none of it is her fault. I have to free her from the ICY people. I’ll think of a plan on my way to Texas.”
“I can’t find the horse, I’d better take a bus. Yes, a bus. This is a job for Xe Schnauzer Warrior Princess.
No one told me…well, Tyebe tried. She said after her big girl surgery it felt like someone punched her in the gut. She forgot the “sliced with a knife and sewn back up” part.
The dogtor shot me up with pain medicine and sent some pain pills home for me to start taking tomorrow morning. If I felt good enough to get up from Mommy’s lap I would find them and take a couple. (The dogtor promised they aren’t opiods.)
And if anyone is wondering, I got my full supper when we got home plus some extra beef chunks. Ohhh, I’m starting to feel drows….zzzzzz.
Note from the Mommy: The vet said Xena did really well, and he repaired the little hernia she’s had since birth, too. Her incision is the smallest I’ve ever seen for a spay, about 2 inches long. All the moaning is more a side effect of the anesthesia than from pain, and the pain pills are well out of reach! Thank you for all the POTP. I really needed it! It’s over, the patient will live and so will her Mom.
I heard I am going in the hospital to get my big girl surgery (BGS) tomorrow. I think that’s why I got a bath yesterday. I didn’t think I needed one, but who listens to me? Then this morning I got my face washed again. Something about stinky sardines I ate with my breakies.
Now I am hearing that my supper tonight will be my last meal for a long time. I won’t get any breakies tomorrow. I’m really worried about that. When will I get to eat again? Does that mean no kefir at noon tomorrow, too? Will I get my supper tomorrow night?
I thought this BGS would be a good thing, cause I won’t have to wear my big girl panties anymore, and I won’t have to miss any Freestyle rehearsals anymore, either. But now I feel the worry. Mommy says I will be fine, that I will sleep through the whole thing, and that I might can eat something when I come home tomorrow afternoon. But I can sense her worry, and that makes me worry. I’ve been cuddling close more than usual to try to make us both feel better. Will you please give us both some POTP? Especially Mommy. I think she needs it, and then I will be OK, too.
Oh, and we already got our Dr. Seuss day post ready in case I don’t feel like blogging after my BGS. So be sure to come back for all the fun this Saturday.
Xena, the already hungry Schnauzer Warrior Princess
Hi there friends. Do you remember when I didn’t know what to do about the scary schnauzer in the chair ? The one that had my bone? Well, I’ve got news. I decided to put on my brave schnauzer warrior face and confront him. It turns out he is actually a she just like some of you suggested. Now that I think about it, how could a boy possibly look that scary, right? Here’s how the conversation went:
Me: Why did you take my bone? (I believe in asking the most important questions first.)
Scary Schnauzer: I recovered your bone from Riley. I kept it safe, waiting for you to come get it, but you kept backing away.
Me: You glared at me!
Scary Schnauzer: I wasn’t glaring at you. I was glaring at Riley who was standing behind you.
Me: Oh. What’s your name?
Almost Scary Schnauzer: I won’t tell you my name. I am here to protect you. You have to realize that I could be shredded to bits at any moment.
Me: What’s that have to do with me knowing your name?
Not So Scary Schnauzer: If you knew my name you might want to be my friend. And then you would be sad if I was injured in the line of duty. Live your life, be a good schnauzer, and take care of your family.
I found this badge that Miss Ann from Zoolatry made and decided it was meant just for today. Happy Valentine’s Day to all my friends. May you have love all your lives.
I want to wish my wonderful big sissie, Lucy, a happy Valentine’s Day. I don’t tell her very often that I love her, but I think I would feel totally lost without her. I love you, Lucy. (Just don’t get any ideas about eating my food.)
Your little sister, Xena Schnauzer Warrior Princess
Xena: Something odd happened around here. I was having a good, normal Saturday. Daddy finished putting together my breakfast and I declared it good. Mommy finally crawled out of bed around 6:30 in the morning, saw it was dark and cold and threatening snow, and said we would all go outside after the sun came up. We never actually saw the sun, but it did get lighter outside so that we could see if any coyotes or werewolves were coming at us from the nearby woods. (None did.) Lucy and I played in the yard for a little bit while Riley (yes, he’s back) took his time deciding if he would step onto the wet grass. Mommy says Riley is very smart, but he sure does take a long time thinking about stuff.
I still didn’t think anything was out of the ordinary when I heard a scratching at the front door. We get a lot of Amazon deliveries, and I figured the delivery person had figured out the dog way of asking for the door to be opened was preferable to banging on it or ringing that annoying bell. Well, that, or else I was finally going to get to be a ratter.
So, as usual, I hollered for Mommy to come open the door. Look who was there! At first I thought it was Ludwig come home, then I saw the dress…
Xena: “Who are you? Are you Ludwig? You smell like Ludwig. Why are you dressed like that?
Schnauzer at the door: No, Xena, I am Ludwig’s cousin, Lois. I’ve heard so much about you from my wonderful, handsome cousin Ludwig! Then I heard that you and that scoundrel, er, I mean, Achilles might be getting married, so I came for the wedding. Let me in.
Xena: Riley! Get out of my bed and come here! I need your help.
This dog says (s)he’s Lois, Ludwig’s cousin. What do you think?
Riley: Well, (s)he’s got this strap thing from the dress wrapped around the part that would give it away, so I’m not sure. Do you want me to rip it off?
Lois: Stop it! Stop it!
Xena: No, that would be way too rude. But she thinks I’m marrying Achilles. What should we do?
Riley: Lucy says let the new dog stay.
If it’s really Ludwig, we’ll know soon enough.
Yes, we will know soon enough. If Lois perches on Vicky the Troll, uh, we’ll know it’s really Ludwig, and my ploy to make him jealous worked.
In the meantime, I’ve reclaimed my bed and am going to help Mommy in her home office.
Xena: We almost never get snow around here in SE Tennessee. Maybe a light sprinkling that doesn’t stay on the ground. So, at two and a half, I’ve never seen real snow.
Lucy: At Christmas a couple of years ago, when I took my trip with Dad to visit my grandma in Illinois, I found out all about snow. It’s cold, and sometimes it’s fun to play in. Mom got me a really nice winter coat after that so that I will be warm next time Dad takes me.
Xena: Do you remember how I kept wishing for snow last year, and then Spring came without Winter leaving even a snowflake in it’s wake? Apparently, wishes sometimes take a while to come true.
Lucy: Mom hadn’t shoveled the walk or the road. It was still too warm to stick there. Pretty soon, though, the walks and roads gave up their battle with the snow.
Xena: As I watched, the snow started to cover the road and our driveway and walkway. The babysitter for the synagogue where Mommy works called and cancelled. The new groom Mommy was getting in called and debated about coming, and asked if Mommy wanted her to. Mommy said it was totally up to her, since she was the one having to drive in this weather. She decided not to come, and we hope she will reschedule for Monday or next Saturday. She’s got a white shih tzu with a deformed front leg. I can’t wait to see her. Her name is Sandy, just like our last name!
Lucy: Hey Xena, do you remember this picture of Angel Lexi from 2011? I think that’s what you’d look like if you went out in this snow.
Hmm, snow sounds over-rated. I think I’ll just take a nap instead.
Disclaimer: We know that many of you get tons of snow all winter long. Please understand that this is a big deal for us. Schools and businesses close, traffic slows to a crawl, and the stores empty of water, bread and milk. We’ve never quite understood that last part, but at least Mom has plenty of food in the house for us!
I’ve been staring at him a lot. He won’t tell me his name. Or what he’s doing with my bone. Or why he doesn’t want to play. Daddy says he just sits there and stares at us, and looks rather frightening, and I must agree. This mean-looking schnauzer stays in a chair in the living room. Sometimes I sit on the end of the couch and stare back. Sometimes I get brave enough to jump onto the chair and try to steal back my bone.
I’m working on trying to look like him.
What do you think? Do I look scary?
I am Xena Schnauzer Warrior Princess
Thanks to Comedy Plus for hosting the Wordless Wednesday Blog Hop!
Daddy, it’s time to send Ludwig another text. We’ve got pictures to send, too.
OK, Xena, let’s do it.
Dear Ludwig, I went to Nashville, visited Achilles whopreviously asked Daddy for my paw in marriage. Got re-acquainted. Asked me again if I would marry him. Said I would think about it. He promised me fresh steak every night if I said yes. He’s such a handsome, big dog. Hope you are doing ok and taking good care of Mr. Eleephant. Pee S: check out pic attached.
Dad: Is that the best pic you could get of the two of you? You don’t look very amorous.
Xena: That’s too hard to pretend. And it’s better than this other one where Achilles asked me if we were done. He said he didn’t mind helping me out, but he didn’t want Lucy to see.
Xena, the getting back at Ludwig Schnauzer Warrior Princess.
Special Pee S from the Dad: Look closely at the first picture. I think Achilles got busted.
Hi, this is Xena again. I read in one of Angel Lexi’s posts that she loved the phrase et al, so I had to keep reading to find out what it meant. I quickly discovered it meant whatever you want it to mean. So, let’s start with who is still the reigning queen et al.
Ella, Queen of her Domain, et al
Lucy: Ella and I are still best friends, et al.
Speaking of et als, Mom asked me to include this picture in our post today. She thinks it’s a lovely picture of me in Auntie Jen’s living room.
We all fell back in like we had never been apart.
Here I am between my BFF Ella and my guy Achilles, et al, watching a black cat walking along the fence line. We saw him on and off throughout our visit.
Xena: We all spent a lot of time after lunch sitting around visiting and snoozing in our chairs. There was a dog for every person, plus a bonus pig for Auntie Jen et al.
Achilles picked Mommy as his bed.
Lucy: The real reason we came this particular weekend was to celebrate Aunty Jen’s birthday – and also Dad’s birthday that was last week. Oh yeah, and Lucy’s, too. So the peeps went out to the “Snow Ball.” Dad and Mom et al danced all evening to a big band.
Mom danced so much her left foot felt like it was getting a blister (it wasn’t), and Dad danced so much his previously injured ankle started to scream. But they said it was too much fun to worry about a little pain.
Xena: Aunty Jen and Mommy got up really early on Saturday morning to do a pod cast or something like that on Facebook, I think. All I know was that Aunty Jen was talking into a camera while holding up clothes called lularoe and Mommy was frantically unpacking a box, ripping open the bags, hanging the clothes and numbers on hangers, and handing them to Aunty Jen. I made the mistake of hanging out with them, and got used as a “sales tool.” I didn’t even have my beard washed or combed, and it was so early that I was still in my sock monkey jammies. It was rather embarrassing, but people kept typing in comments about how cute I am. *grin* So anyhow, if you want to buy any lularoe for Valentine’s Day – or anytime – Aunty Jen is selling them. Tell her Xena sent you.
Love and wiggles, Lucy and Xena Schnauzer Warrior Princess, back home et al.