The Screaming Mimi’s

I had another boring busy day at work. I was a good girl (mostly) and always did my potty outside. I have started my plan on escaping the gate by diligently chewing the corner of it. Who needs a file when I have puppy teeth? When Mommy picked up the phone camera to prove my guilt, I looked innocent and ran to my bed.

Then the preacher lady came in. She talked and talked and it was soooo boring, I couldn’t stay awake.

Wake me when something fun happens.

On the home front, I am getting used to my play pen. At least that is what I want Mommy to think.

Oh, I almost forgot – at least I have tried hard to forget – I went somewhere new called The Vet after work. I was violated. OMD! How can someone do that to the back end of a puppy? Mommy said the people in the next county could hear me scream. I couldn’t tell you much after that, other than the Vet Lady said I was healthy and Mommy said, “No,” to needly things they wanted to stick in me.  I think she must have gotten mixed up and taken me to the Halloween Chamber of Horrors I heard someone talking about. Mommy and the Vet Lady also had a disagreement about my food, but nobody yelled or called each other bad names. I know Mommy won, ’cause I am still eating my chickie chick and dear deer.

Oh, and Mommy is trying to return that stupid car seat that I hate. It tried to kill me! Earlier this week I was screaming my fool head off expressing my displeasure at being stuck in it again when it tipped over backwards and I got caught under it and my harness got really tight around me. I was panting so hard to get my breath that Mommy looked back and saw the monster car seat attacking me! She pulled right off the road and drove the rest of the way to the dentist with me in my kennel.

Oh yes, the dentist office. Mommy called to see if she could bring me to stay in the front office with the workers while she disappeared into the back to have something done to her mouth. They said yes, and I would have to stay in my kennel. Guess what! I never saw the inside of my kennel while I was there. The ladies kept coming up from the back and holding me and passing me around. It was pretty nice. And no one violated my back end. Daddy went to the same dentist the next day and they all wanted to know why he didn’t bring me.

Yep, I’m that addictively adorable.

I am Xena the Schnauzer Warrior Princess

 

Xena’s First Rocktoberfest


First, let me tell you about the ride up to the top of Lookout Mountain yesterday to a place called Rock City. It took 87 minutes or maybe a whole hour to get there and it is even in a different state called Georgia – where I was born. Mommy got me a dog car seat. She said it was to make us both safer in the car and that I would like it ’cause I would be able to see out the windows better. Well, here’s how that went:

Mommy? I still can’t see out.

Look, Mommy, it’s so low I can almost touch the seat.

Na, na, I can get out!

Wait! I’m stuck!

I’m exhausted. I think I lost this round.

Ahh, better.  Now I can see out!

Now, for my day at Rock City’s Rocktoberfest:

Mommy and I were sitting up close to all these things called instruments when suddenly, all at once, some people started blowing in them and hitting them and making a terribly loud racket. It scared me a whole lot, and I shook so hard I almost lost all my puppy teeth! Mommy carried me ways away from all that loud noise until I stopped shaking. A lot of people asked to pet me while Mommy carried me around the park. I got so distracted that I didn’t even notice that we were back in the place called a pa villa yawn where all the music was playing.

Daddy is the musician in the family, so he helped me play the Xena-sized accordion. 

Then Daddy used me as something called a “prop” and people came by to get their picture taken with me (and him).

Mommy had a beer drink called Octoberfest that smelled really good. I wasn’t fast enough to get any.

We went back into the pa villa yawn where Daddy taught a funny dance called poke-a. Poke a what? Don’t poke a sleeping bear, he, he, he. Then him and Mommy danced a poke-a and everyone clapped their hands. (I was glad they were done, too.)

So, I figured out the loud instruments weren’t going to kill me and that I have a silly Daddy. It was also my first time around sooooo many people, and I did really good with that. I missed both my morning naps and my first afternoon nap, so I mostly slept the rest of the time there. I am now a Rocktober Fest pup! Hey Mommy, when are we going back?

I am Xena, the Warrior Princess

 

Me and My Sister

Hi, it’s me, Lucy. I hope you haven’t forgotten me. I was wondering if I would ever get to write on my our blog again. Tonight will make one whole entire week that Xena has been my sister, and a new puppy in the house changes everything. I didn’t know what to think when I first met the puppy, so I ran into Dad’s office where all the good pondering and calming gets done. Mom said I was scared. Doesn’t she know I run into the closet – not the office – when I am scared? Anyhoo, after I thought about this puppy thing for awhile I decided I would see if she would be a good toy playmate. I found her in the bathroom with Mom and plopped down into the play position. Nope, she just hid, shaking, behind Mom’s legs. Things kinda’ just kept going like that all week.  Sometimes Mom would give me Xena’s food bowl to finish up her kale and whatever else she didn’t want. Just as I would lean in to take a bite Xena would run over and stick her head in the bowl, acting like she wanted it. I would stand back and wait, like a good bully girl. Thinking she had won, she would walk away, and I would clean up her leftovers. Other times when I tried to play with her she actually growled at me. Can you believe that? So I would just go over to Riley and get him to play with me.   All week I tried really hard, and nothing seemed to change.

Finally, last night, Mom and Dad dropped onto the couch, exhausted, in front of the TV to watch a silly Netflix show. (Mommy said to tell you she really does have on blue jean shorts; they just got covered up with her hoodie and us.) Maybe it was just because we were all relaxed together, something magical seemed to happen.

                        Me and my sister

Love and wiggles, Lucy

Note from the whole household: You have been seeing Xena’s new header by Annette (A Dog Tales), who is a graphic artist extraordinaire. Again, a very special thanks to her for the beautiful and delightful headers of Lucy and our dearest Angel Lexi.

Wrap Up the Week Work Day

I’ll just hold onto my new Hedgehog my peeps brother gave me.

I don’t know why we have to leave the house so early or why I don’t get breckies before we leave or why I have to stay in this basket in the car or even why we have to ride in the car. The car still scares me a tiny bit.

I decided to help in new ways at work today. This paper that’s taped to the floor does not belong there. I worked for a long time trying to remove it.

 It’ taking so long ’cause this stupid tape keeps sticking to my tongue.

I’m doing something called “teething” and I tried to chew up the desk in the other room and pulled a paper thing called an envelope out of a box and chewed it up and started chewing up a box, and, well, I did not quite do a Phenny destruction, but I sure was trying.  This morning, Mommy did something terrible! She put up this thing to block me from going into the other office, and I did not like that at all!

Let me in, Let me out, Let me in! 

Puleeeeease, let me out or in?

I hear we are going somewhere fun this weekend. In the meantime, Mommy promised Lucy she could be the blog star tomorrow. I am sure I will have lots more adventures to share soon!

I am Xena, the Schnauzer Princess Warrior

 

Xena’s Second Day at Work

By request, here are Xena’s stats with a “comparative” picture.

Height 11 inches ( 28 cm)

Length same as height

Weight 9 lb (4 kg).

D.O.B. June 21, 2017

Color: Salt and Pepper

Now, back to the main attraction:

 

I was a lot more relaxed at work today. My new friend came back and I wasn’t scared at all.

Hi Miss Beth!

Pthhh. Go away, Mommy, I have a new holder. Wait! That’s far enough.

I even helped a lot today.

I pulled up grass weeds.

I disposed of stray sticks.

All day, Mommy kept asking me questions, like, “Xena, where are you?” and “Xena! What are you eating?” and “Oh my, where did you get that?” Mommy must think I know a lot to be asking me so much. I wonder who answered all her work questions before I became her trainee.

Finally, it was nap time.

Stop pointing that flashy thing at me.

After naptime and lunchtime, Mommy let me try out my ‘puter skills.

First, I thought I would try the chin typing tek neek that Lucy uses.

But I found that it was better to use my paw.

Hey! Why’s that card hanging there? Just let me..

At that point, Mommy said that was quite enough ‘puter work for one day. I decided to help some more by being the shredder. But Mommy says that’s a story for another day. It’s almost supper time and then I want to take a nap in my Daddy’s lap.

I am Xena the Schnauzer Warrior Princess and Church Dog in Training

My First Day at Work


I never knew that puppies had to go to work. Apparently, since Mommy works at a church, I have to start young as a trainee. Maybe some day I will get to work on the ‘puter and help with the church web feet site. For now, I just have to 1. Look cute and 1. Behave myself (I am working on my counting skills.) I got an A+ on both my jobs!

                 How is this for cute?

I got to go outside to watch how Mommy puts letters on a big sign.

I didn’t know work was so much work, and had to take a morning nap.

A lady who told me her name is Beth came into our office place. Her eyes got big and her face lit up and she held me and pet me. I started shaking because I was afraid Mommy was going to give me away. Mommy felt bad and promised me that she would never, ever, cross her heart, give me away. She said I am an important part of the family now and that she and Daddy love me very much.

Then me and Mommy went back outside to eat our lunches. I had some of my real, live, fresh, dead chickie breast.

What are YOU eating, Mommy? That leaf looks like it tastes good.

       Wait, is that a bug?

Can I have some Mommy, Huh, huh? Pleeeease?

I worked hard again after lunch. We went up and down stairs and back and forth in the hallway about 87 times. It was finally time for my afternoon nap, and boy oh boy did I ever need it!

Mommy is very proud of me and I am going to get extra blueberries tonight. I was a very, very, very good girl (and only did my potty outside).

I am Xena, the Schnauzer Warrior Princess

First, a huge THANKS to Annette from A Dog Tales who surprised me with the wonderfully artistic new header. So no one gets left out, I am going to use it when Xena is posting, and use another new one I am making (not nearly as good as this one) when it is Lucy or someone else. Now more woofs from Xena…

I am innocent of all charges, Your Honor.

Woof! Lucy has gotten used to me and is trying to kill me. Really! You have to hear this! I was in the bathroom with my Mommy when Lucy came up and I heard this loud “thump” sound. She had thrown herself at me with her front legs flat on the floor and her bee hind up in the air. I must have jumped 87 inches! Whew. I just got over that scare when Mommy takes us both outside. Lucy is running all over the yard doing zoomies. Next thing I know, she is running straight at me. Yikes! I ducked down and she leaped right over me!! OK, so now that everyone knows (I am finding out this weeby feet thing is useful after all) she will not be able to get away with murder, so she might as well stop trying.

I went on a long car ride again, but not nearly as long as when Mommy adopted me. I met my other peeps brother, Adam. Adam was very nice to me and held me like I was made out of china or crystal, or something else that would break. If Lucy hasn’t broken me yet, I don’t think my peeps brothers will. We went out for milkshakes at a place called Sonic, and there was puppy abuse going on: I didn’t even get one bite! The sun went down before we headed home, and I was a very sleepy Princess Warrior.

Are we there yet?

Oh! Oh! Oh! I have to tell you something else! I love to eat and and always lick my food dish clean, which isn’t news since I am a schnauzer. But Lucy’s food smelled so much better than my puppy kibble. So, you will never guess what I got for supper last night! Chicken! A real, live, raw, dead chickie wing! Mommy held it while I figured out how to chew it properly. Then I got pieces of a real, live, raw, dead chicken boobie. I wouldn’t eat the pumpkin or anything else Mommy gave me…I just wanted more chickie. After that, I thought Mommy’s finger was a chickie wing and tried to eat it. In my defense, it looked a lot the same and was in attached to her hand. So today, Mommy took me outside and let me have another chickie wing; but, this time she let me work on it all by myself while she snoopervised.  I chewed and chewed and chewed some more and I ate the whole thing all by myself. Woof! Then I came in and ate some more chickie boobie and a little bit of coconut oil, but I didn’t want the egg or anything else. Mommy said I get to eat just this one meat pro team for a week, then we can move on to something else. I wonder how long a week will take…

And you know what else? I got to snoopervise right back while Mommy groomed a dog. The doggie’s Mommy is real nice and she held me during the whole groom so that I could see and snoopervise better. Isn’t it funny that doggie’s Mommy and my Mommy have the same name – Mommy?

This whole blogging thing can be very tiring. I have so much more to tell you. *yawn*

I am Xena the Schnauzer Warrior Princess.

 

Xena the Schnauzer Warrior Princess

Woof! The New Woman tricked me into starting a diary only to put it on something with webby feet for the whole world to read. I’m glad I didn’t say anything embarrassing. Except for the part where I soiled in the kennel. And maybe the part about being afraid. I remembered my note to myself and asked The New Woman what my real name is. I learned two things: 1. The New Woman’s name is “Mommy” and 1. My name is Xena the Schnauzer Warrior Princess. That’s why I’m a little bit embarrassed about being afraid. I don’t think warrior princesses are supposed to be afraid of anything!

The New Woman Mommy has some pictures for everyone to see. I also learned that’s what she is doing when she picks up that thing that she takes with her everywhere and points it at me. 

The first night in my new furever home, an inspiration came to me. It was like another, wiser schnauzer was whispering in my ear. I had an uncontrollable urge to stand on The Man while he laid in bed.  Then I felt like I should hit him on his head with my head, but I resisted.

Oh, and I learned The Man is called Daddy. So, now I live with Lucy and Mommy and Daddy. There is another dog here who is even bigger than Lucy, but he is ignoring me and won’t even tell me his name. That’s OK, I have enough new stuff to deal with right now anyhow. I’ve had my brekkies and pottied and it’s raining, so I think I will *yawn* take a nap on Mommy’s lap now. Tomorrow I’ll tell you mo…zzzzz.

Xena the Schnauzer Warrior Princess

 

Dear Diary by …

The Last Picture of Me at My First Home

Dear Diary,

I, once called The Female with the Yellow Collar, just had my whole world turned upside down. I should have known something was up yesterday when The Woman took me away from all my puppy siblings and friends – and oh, we were having a grand ol’ time in our playpen – and put a pretty colored thingy on my body. She let me run around the house some, dragging a long thing attached to what I learned was called a hardness (probably because it is hard to get out of), then kept me in a wire kennel away from my buddies.

Come around supper time, a New Woman came to our door and The Woman let me go outside to meet her. I liked her right away, so I wanted to show her what I could do. I ran as fast as I could in big circles around the yard, stopping to sniff the grass and the bushes and anything else that caught my interest. Sometimes I would rip leaves off a bush, just to show it who was boss, or grab some grass and tear it out of the ground, slinging it over my shoulder. Pretty soon I forgot about the New Woman and just ran and played for the sheer joy of it. I bounced up and down and inside of me I was laughing.

    My Boring Brother

I was brought in the house and put in the wire kennel while one of my brothers went outside with The Woman and The New Woman.

He’s so boring, he just did his potty, sniffed around, and wanted The New Woman to hold him. I don’t know why he got a cookie for just doing that.

The next thing I knew, the Womans were talking and signing papers and giving each other stuff and I got put into a kennel in the back seat of the New Woman’s car. It was a little scary, ’cause I had never been in a car before this. We drove for about 87 hours – the New Woman said it was only 3 hours, but I am not sure about that – and I slept most of the way. Except, of course for when my tummy got sick and then I had to pee pee.

     When I First Met Lucy


When we got to the New Woman’s house, a Man took the kennel out of the car and told The New Woman that I had gone pee pee all over the pillow and there was throw up there, too. He left the room while The New Woman gave me a bath. I was shivering, mostly from fear, but I was a little cold too, so The New Woman wrapped me up in a soft towel and took me upstairs to The Man. He held me and called me Littlest One and made me feel safe.

I was getting sleepy – after all, the sun had gone away a zillion hours ago – when I got another surprise. A gigantic dog suddenly appeared and sniffed me! She told me her name is Lucy and asked me my name and why I was here in her Dad’s lap. I said, “My name is either The Female with the Yellow Collar or Littlest One.” I didn’t really know, but thought I should answer her. I told her, ” I’m here because The New Woman brought me here. And don’t ask me anything else, ’cause I’m just as confused as you.” When The Man put me down for Lucy to see me better, Lucy ran and hid in The Man’s office. That’s where I heard The New Woman say she was, anyhow. Then I listened to The Man and The New Woman talk about where I was to sleep. The New Woman wanted me to sleep in the bed with them. The Man said he had heard too many horror stories about what could happen. So The Man won and I was put in the cleaned kennel where I could see The New Woman. I had a special blue and yellow blanket that used to belong to someone named Angel Lexi, and a big soft toy to cuddle with. Lucy was still all scared, so The Man and The New Woman let her sleep with them. I guess she is too big for the horror things to happen to her. I fell off to sleep wondering what new surprises would happen tomorrow.

I guess that’s it for now, Dear Diary. I think I will have lots more to write about very soon. Note to self: ask The New Woman if Littlest One is my new name. ~Me