Xena’s Third Birthday

We all wish you a very happy birthday!

Hey! That’s Achilles, top left, giving me a kiss. And that’s Ella top right. There’s my beary best friends, and my Auntie Jen loving on me.

There’s that crazy Ludwig and of course my own sister, Lucy.

OMD! Here’s more happy birthday wishers. That’s my peeps bro Adam holding me in the car. And Riley — he’s even smiling at me!

Look! Angel Lexi came to wish me a happy birthday, too! Hey, isn’t that my otto man she’s laying on?

Here’s some highlights of my past year as a 2-year-old.

In spite of that bad old Mr. Covid, I’ve had a great year. Now, let me show you what I got for my birthday.

I see it. It’s in Mom’s hand…

Lucy got one too (so she wouldn’t try to take mine).

Here’s a short video of me enjoying my cow hoof. By now, my beard was a wreck. But it is all worth the inevitable face wash.

While Lucy and Daddy went in the bedroom to take a nap, me and Mommy went to the “greenway” and took a nice long walk. Well, long compared to the neighborhood walk, anyway. We’re going to save showing you most of that for Nature Friday with LLB & the Gang. Here’s a peek.

Mommy thought I look hot, so she added some butterflies to flap their wings and cool me off, BOL!

When we got back, I threw my cow hoof around a lot, but nobody woke up. So I asked Mommy if there were any more surprises, and she pulled this ice tray out of the freezer. She made me frozen treats, with coconut oil and almond butter, and I don’t even know what else.

Before I go take my nap, I wanted to let y’all know I did get a whole case of XKaliber for my birthday. Doesn’t it sound like a good food for a Xena Schnauzer Warrior Princess?

If all birthdays are like this, I can’t wait to turn four.

My Last Day of Being Two

Well, it turns out that I didn’t get to go anywhere with Mommy today. She left early with a cooler packed with ice bricks, and I saw Daddy packing her lunch. She said bye to me and Lucy and that she would be back, like she always does, just in case we think she is leaving for good.

Me and Lucy and Chippie played for a while until Daddy came upstairs from his basement office and asked what was going on.

By then, we all were worn out. Does that mean I’m getting old?

After we got kefirred at noon (that’s what it’s called when we get served our kefir at lunchtime), we went out on our new porch so we could hang out while we waited for Mommy to come home.

Me and Lucy played chase across the porch, not even slowing for the doggie door. We made a full circle of the yard before we slipped through the door again and onto the porch. I turned and ran back out before realizing that Luce the Deuce, er, Lucy wasn’t chasing me anymore. When I stuck my head in to peek, I realized it was a trap! Just look at Lucy’s tail! She was ready to spring on me! I turned and ran and off we went. We played so hard that once again we fell down exhausted.

87 hours later Mommy got home, and all she carried upstairs from the car was some groceries from Trader Joe’s. With my most excellent ears, I heard her ask Daddy to unload the rest into the downstairs freezer.

“I’m dreaming of a tripe birthday,
Not like the ones I’ve had before.
Where the innards glisten
And Lucy listens
To hear if we might be getting more…”

This is Xena Schnauzer Warrior Princess, one day away from 3 years old, with this stupid, revised Christmas song stuck in my head.

Adam’s Birthday with Us

Last weekend our peeps brother Adam came over and spent the night so we could celebrate his birthday together. You might remember Adam from when he helped plant the hostages . We were so excited to see him! Adam goes outside and sits on the patio a lot so he can blow stinky smoke out of his mouth. Regardless, we like to go out with him, at least until it gets too hot, even for us. On Sunday, our other peeps brother Andrew was supposed to come over for pizza and to visit and to celebrate his our brother’s birthday. Mommy told him 5:00, but to try to come early if he could. We all decided that when if he came early that Mommy would order the pizza and we could eat then. We all got pretty hungry.

Why isn’t Andrew here yet?!

Adam got so hungry that he ate a bowl of cereal. Mommy said she would wait until 4:30, then order the pizza. Before she went to get it, me and Lucy asked her if we could eat just a little early so that she wouldn’t have to, you know, interrupt the celebration or so that – good God forbid – the pizza get cold while she was preparing our dinner. She saw the wisdom in this and got our supper ready. We thought she would be in a big hurry to get out the door to get the hot pizza with pepperoni, mushrooms and double cheese *drool* and not make us “Wait!” for our supper. Yeah, like that was gonna happen.

Come on, Mom, say it!
Say it, say it, say it, say it!

Mom: “FREE!”

As soon as we gobbled down our suppers, Mommy headed out the door to pick up the Dominoes pizza – Adam’s favorite. By the time she got back, Andrew had arrived and everyone gobbled down their suppers. Then came the DQ ice cream cake!

I don’t know what to wish for.
Adam made his wish, and I think he probably wished for a schnauzer like me. He couldn’t tell or it might not come true.

The celebration continued the next day with lobster and shrimp and steak – all of Adam’s very favorite foods. Everyone was too busy stuffing their faces enjoying their meals to think about sharing with the poor pups in the house. We did get some ice cream cake. That was our first time ever to get ice cream or frosting or cake. Now I know why the peeps keep it all for themselves!

Adam and Andrew have both gone to their own homes, and we are waiting to see what else happens this week!

Xena Schnauzer Warrior Princess

Our Portrait

I was just thinking about all the yummy food I get to eat. Besides all the meat -that is always my favorite – I eat steamed broccoli and turnip greens and kale and mustard greens and carrots. I get pickled beets and sauerkraut and tiny tomatoes and kala…, er, Mommy how do you spell those olives? k-a-l-a-m-a-t-a. Yep, that’s them. And eggs, yep don’t forget them eggs. Mmmm. And coconut oil and krill oil and sardines, too. And fresh fruit when we can get it, like berries and apples and and applesauce, too. And pumpkin and other squashes. Can you tell I like to eat? Mommy says I wouldn’t be a schnauzer if I didn’t love food.

Lucy: Xena, I thought there was something else you wanted to show our friends.

Xena: Oh, you mean the picture from when you ran off and almost missed getting our special picture made!

Lucy: No, no there’s no pictures of me running off!

Xena: But that’s what the picture always reminds me of when I look at it. That’s the day you got double grounded. Hey, are you still double grounded?

Lucy: I don’t know. *hangs head* Mom and Andrew never let me out to run around loose in the yard any more. *mumbles* I think that’s why Riley dumped me.

Xena: What are you mumbling about Lucy?

Lucy: Nothing! Just drop it, OK?

Xena. OK, it didn’t sound interesting anyhow. So, here is our family picture!

I am Xena the Schnauzer Warrior Princess.

Lexi’s Third Sunday Selfie

Everyone says I have this selfie thing down. *smirk*

I got this down.
I got this down. *snap*

I hope y’all are having a good Sunday. We have been celebrating my brother Adam’s birthday all weekend. (Well, the peeps have been while I stayed home to watch Gracie.) Tonight everyone is coming here for ICE CREAM CAKE! Yay!

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Memory Monday: Lily and Ivy

It’s Memory Monday time, and I’ve been thinking about my half sisters, Lily and Ivy, who have crossed the rainbow bridge. Ivy was my hero, everything I wanted to be. She taught me how to be a good leader.

Ivy 2006
Ivy, leader of the pack

They only lived with us every other week, and I was always testing Ivy to see if I could be in charge.  I clearly remember the last time that happened. She decided not to put up with my insubordination any longer. Ivy put me on my back and stood over me, moving her open mouth back and forth in front of my face. I squeezed my eyes tightly shut so I couldn’t see myself die and started to scream. It took what seemed like an eternity (at least 2 seconds) for Mom to come running into the kitchen to rescue me. The rest of the account is from Mom, since I had my eyes closed and was making too much screamy noise to hear anything.

Lexi’s Mom here. I politely asked Ivy to move off of Lexi and she did. Lexi, still on her back, just kept on screaming. Ivy and I looked at each other and if a dog could shrug their shoulders, I would swear she did. We both looked at Lexi again and back at each other. I finally said, “Lexi, it’s over. You can stop screaming now.” Lexi peeked through her eyelashes and started the wind down screaming. It kept getting softer and slower until she finally stopped.

It’s me, Lexi, back to pick up the story. I swear I saw my life flash before my eyes. I was only two, so it didn’t take long. After the “incident” I made a wide berth around Ivy for a while, just to be sure. I never challenged her again.


Daddy was just leaving for vacation when a young orange-colored dog showed up at the house where he was living. He told her if she was still there when he got back that she could live with him. She conned different neighbors into feeding her until he got back and lived with him ever since.

Lily was usually everyone’s favorite because she was such a sweet and friendly girl. By “everyone” I mean anyone new who met them. Mommy said that she liked Ivy’s cocky attitude best from the moment she met her. One day Mom was laying on the couch feeling sick. Ivy curled up with her and Mommy almost instantly felt better. Dad said he had never seen Ivy take to someone like she did Mom. After that, he called her Mommy’s black healer.

Once in a while Lily would make a break for it. About a year or so ago, Riley unlatched the fence gate while Lily was out in the yard. When she got out and started running down the street Riley was smart enough to realize he had made a big mistake and took off after her. My BFF Jentry was in charge of the dogs when this happened. She quickly discovered the jailbreak and was about to start through the neighborhood in search of two red dogs when she saw them coming back down the road from the cul de sac. Riley – even though responsible for Lily’s escape – had been a good brother and stayed with her to be sure she was ok. Lily was about 16 years old at the time.

Sometimes Lily was a clown. This is a picture of her when she got a feather stuck on her nose.

Lily the clown
Lily the clown

Lily in my kennel
Lily in my kennel

Lily was terrified of thunderstorms. She would try to hide in the most ridiculous places, like in the 2 inch crack between the stove and counter. Here she is hiding in my kennel. It is a large kennel, so it was much more comfortable than in a crack. She got pretty deaf in her old age and that actually worked for her, as she couldn’t hear the thunder any more.

Ivy in our bed
Ivy in our bed

In the summer Mommy would shave both Ivy and Lily. They were so much cooler without all that thick hair and undercoat, and it sure did stop the hair balls doing the tumbleweed dance around the house. As Ivy got older, she got to be more reclusive.

Lily the birthday girl
Lily the birthday girl

Lily was a real party girl and loved celebrating birthdays as much as I do. The difference is she didn’t mind sharing. Lily would be proud of me for sharing these memories with you. Ivy would have just said, “Whatever.”

Home all alone

There are no pictures to show today. That’s because Mom left me home. All alone. With my schnauzer cousin Piper. And my Dad. And my people brother Andrew. And my bestest friend Jentry. And The Boy. Yep, all alone. Mom didn’t take me to work. She left me home all alone, where pictures are not taken. I mostly stayed in the closet in my kennel. All alone.

Then, after Dad shut the bedroom door and left the house too, Jentry came looking for me. She finally found me all alone in my kennel in the closet. I wouldn’t come out. She thought I must have done something wrong. Why does everyone always assume I am a bad dog? She finally coaxed me to come out, but I just stood there with my head hung low. That made her think even more that I had committed some heinous crime. Finally, she asked me if I didn’t want to be shut up in the bedroom with Piper. Hallelujah! She got it! That got me talking. Bowowow and arruf. After I unburdened myself to her, she asked me if I wanted to spend the rest of the day downstairs with her. I said yes and off we went. Being home alone the rest of the day wasn’t so bad anymore.

Boating and Fast Food

It has been an exhausting couple of days. Two days ago Mom came home from wherever she had been for over an hour and I could tell right away she was upset. Not a little upset, either. She even told my Dad to get out of her way. Wow. He backed way up way fast and didn’t say a word. Quick as a wink she changed into her boating clothes, grabbed her boat bag and plopped me into the truck. She hooked up my pontoon and off we went to the lake. I started doing therapy on her while we were still in the truck – she really needed it. He face was salty and her eyes were red. We spent the whole afternoon in one spot on the lake. I swam around the boat once to cool off, then napped on and off and tried to do a little more therapy while Mom took turns reading and laying in the sun.

Even all the boating and sunning and reading didn’t help Mom’s mood. I hate to say I benefited by it, but look, when a dog gets to go to the lake and out to dinner at Mickey D’s, yeah, things were going my way. Seems like I was the only one she could stand to be around that day. You’d better believe I was careful to be a very good girl. I have never before had a McD’s hamburger. OMG it is good! Later that evening I heard her say that she was taking me back to McD’s the next day for my birthday. I starting singing and dancing, and everyone laughed. I couldn’t help myself, I just got so excited thinking about that hamburger.

When we got home that night Mom sat down in front of her computer and in a very short time yelled at my Dad to come quick. After getting yelled at earlier to get out of her way, he came running lickity-split to see what was wrong. She told him to read something on her computer and they both started smiling and saying happy things.  Now I know why Mom wasn’t going to the church to work and why she was unhappy today. She had to find a new job so she could make money to buy my kibble and other things. Everything finally worked out great. She is going to work at another church and she is going to work at a non-profit when she isn’t working at the church. She seems really happy about it. I hope I will get to go, too. I will do therapy and keep food cleaned up from the floor.

Finally, the sun came up the next morning and my real birthday day started. After several hours on the lake in the Sammy Joe, I went to the pet store where I found some ferrets I wanted but no one would let me have them. I found some treats and we got those. There were dog beds that I was not very interested in, so we didn’t get any of those, nor any of the collars, harnesses or clothes we looked at. It would have been cruel to buy those things on my birthday.

From there we went to Mickey D’s where I got another hamburger and a dish of ice cream. It was a hot day so we sat in the shade and ate our supper. I ate my hamburger in about five seconds flat plus an extra second for the pickle. Mom couldn’t understand why I didn’t dig into my cup of ice cream. Duh…she still had some of her fish sandwich left. Of course, when she realized that was the reason, she shared it with me so that I could move on to dessert. Once again it took her a minute, but she finally figured out I wanted her to feed me the ice cream with the spoon. Once we got that established, I ate until I got brain freeze. I mean, I saved her a little bit of the ice cream at the bottom of the cup.

On the way home we took a detour to the dog park. A big white dog wanted to “friend me.” I was polite but not interested, so I didn’t “accept.” Why is Mom laughing?  I hear people say this all the time, so I think I should be able to say it too, don’t you? What’s Facebook?

Lexi the fast-food schnauzer



Birthday weekend fun

May 11, 2006
Wow, what a great birthday weekend. It started on Friday when I went to help teach dance. We had cake and everyone sang to me and I got a huge pig ear. I danced and ate up the whole pig ear. Hmmm. I wonder what happened to the rest of the pig…

Then I got to have cake again for breakfast on Saturday, and Mom took me shopping. We went to a fancy downtown dog store and I got two bling and a free treat. After that we went to Petsmart and I got two more bling but no treat. All day Mom sang to me about my birthday and I was so excited!

On Sunday – my real birthday – I had cake again for breakfast and hot dogs for lunch and pizza for dinner!!! I went to get the pizza with Mom and when she said it was for me too, I got so excited I shook all over and wagged my tail as fast as it would go. We had ice cream for dessert because the cake was all gone. I know, because I got to lick the icing off the bottom of the plate.

Birthdays are really great, but I want a cheeseburger now. I thought this was just the start of something new, like not having to stay in my crate anymore during the day. I thought I was going to get to eat like this every day. You know, something that happens now that I am a whole three years old. I must admit that I am a bit disappointed. Guess I will have to stick with my Grandma to get the toast every morning. Things could be worse. (I wonder when I will have another birthday….)

Lexi, the three-year-old