Purim Hustle, Bushes and Allergies

PURIM

Xena: Hey there. I think I told you that Mommy is now the office manager in a synagogue and I’m not allowed to go, right? Well, they recently celebrated something called Purim. It is pronounced like Pour Rum, he, he. It’s where you’re supposed to get drunk and act stupid.

Lucy: Xena!

Xena: I’m telling the truth. Look it up. They even wear funny costumes. Well no one got drunk, but they did have a talent show. Daddy dressed in his polyester leisure suit and him and Mommy danced a Hustle.The people were clapping and cheering. I think maybe they really were drunk, BOL.

Then parts of a book of the bible called Esther were read in Hebrew, and every time the name Hamen was read, the drunk people booed real loud and swung their noisemakers. I don’t think I would have liked being there, ’cause that would have scared me hurt my sensitive ears.

THE BUSHES

Lucy: Mom advertised that she had four big bushes in front of the house that anyone could have if they dug them up themselves.

Xena: Why did she do that? Why would she give away our bushes?

Lucy: A couple reasons, Xena. 1. She’s “sick and tired of having to trim them”. That’s a direct quote, by the way. And 2. She’s too cheap smart cheap to pay someone to get rid of them for her. So she came up with this scheme. She especially dislikes that big green one cause it is so tall and cause it gets prickly and cause stingy insects live in it in the spring. She even told the Hated Bush that it was going to a new home soon where it would be loved and cared for. I guess she didn’t want it coming after her. Anyhoo, a nice couple wanted them all, so they came over and started trying to dig up that yellow and green one next to the Hated Bush.

Then they discovered that it had something called a water root that had made its way into the main tube connected to the gutters, the one that carries water away from the house. They ended up sawing off the water root and dragging the whole thing into the woods. They said the Hated Bush probably had a big root in there too. Of course the Hated Bush would do something like that, right? One down, three to go.

Xena: Were those the people I was barking at?

Lucy: Yes, they are sure to remember the noisy little dog that lived in the house with the Hated Bush.

Xena: Grrr.

Lucy: Riley and Andrew came over the other night. Mom had asked our peeps brother Andrew to do a favor for her. I heard Mom whisper to the Hated Bush, “Now you’re going to die! Then you are getting hauled off to the dead bush burial grounds!” I think it might have shivered…or, it could have just been the wind.

Xena: But the bushes are still there!

Lucy: Uh huh. It seems Mom just can’t get rid of them. Brother Andrew power washed the shed and did some other work first, and then it got dark out and he had to go home. Now I’m hearing something about some brush killer that is in the shed. If she does that, we’ll have to stay away from them cause they might try to take revenge by poisoning us. But I heard Dad say, “No.” That’s really weird. Only Mom says, “No.” He said we’ll wait on Brother Andrew to come back.

ALLERGY UPDATE

Xena: My allergy shots are not totally working yet so my allergy dogtor said to get some new shampoo called Head and Shoulders with Zinc. It’s a very special shampoo to help me not itch. I got some new conditioner, too, that my allergy dogtor makes himself. It smells nice and makes my hair super soft. The only problem is that I have to get a bath every two to three days.

Lucy: What’s the problem with that.

Xena: I don’t like it. I’m also taking a very special pill called Xertec. So far so good.

Lucy: That’s Zyrtec, Xena.

Xena: No, no, it is the same as my name. Xe for me, Xe.

Lucy: Why do I even try?

Lucy and Xe Schnauzer Warrior Princess