Morty vs Achilles

Hi people. It’s me, Sir Mortimer. But you can call me Morty. Did you hear what happened to me? Achilles tried to kill me. No, really!

Here’s what happened: It was nice outside, and we were all – and by all I mean me, Ella, Achilles, Lucy and Xebe, or Xela, or something like that. Aunt Amy was there too…she was brushing Achilles. She was brushing him hard and fast and hair was flying and he was loving it. I came over to see what all was going on, not knowing he was “in the zone.” He jumped at me and grabbed my ear and bit down. I screamed, and that just fueled his fire. He scraped the skin off the top of my ear; he punctured the side of my face; he scratched the top of my neck and head. I just kept screaming. It hurt, and I was scared. *squeal!* I am a prey animal after all, and he’s a predator. Did you know he’s bigger than me? I’m just a poor little 150 pound pig with a waddle. To make things even worse, the other dogs started closing in on me. It’s something called pack behavior. Aunt Amy kept screaming at them to stay back while she worked on getting Achilles off of me. I sure do wish I had a pack to protect me.

Aunt Amy – I’ve just started calling her that – saved me. I was bleeding and really freaked out. I could tell she was too – freaked out that is, not bleeding. She took me to my bathroom apartment so I could calm down. Afterwards, she shut all the dogs in another room and let me come in the kitchen with her. She sat on the floor and kept talking real nice and soft to me, and I decided I could trust her, that she is my protector. So I laid down in front of her. She pet me until I got back up and moved next to her. Then I laid down and got pet some more. Finally, I moved onto my side and let her rub my belly. We’re friends now. And Achilles had to sleep in his kennel the last two nights.

Why am I always in trouble? I hope I get to sleep in the bed tonight.

Anyhow, with a lot of treats to bribe me, I let Aunt Amy wash my boo boos and put medicine on them. That was two days ago, and it’s not hurting anymore and it’s all starting to heal.

None of the dogs (except Lucy) are allowed out when I’m grazing and playing in my swimming pool. I’m a happy piggy again.

Love, grunts, oinks and squeals, Morty

Recap of Our 2020 in Pictures

Our friend, Miss Monika from Tails Around the Ranch posted this picture, and gave us permission to show it to all our friends. It says so much about how we all feel.

A few of my favorite pictures/moments of 2020. ..

January 2020 (below) We were at our friends’ house in Nashville, blissfully unaware of how the year was going to play out.

February 2020 (below) We actually got some snow!

March 2020 (below) just before our world changed. We got pictures sent to us of Morty celebrating his first birthday.

April 2020 (below)

May 2020 (below)

June 2020 (below) Xena enjoyed turning 3 years old.

July 2020 (below) We got a baby in the home office and dogsat while our friends went on a trip.

August 2020 (below). We travelled to be with family in Indiana to celebrate Jeff’s Mom’s 90th birthday.

September 2020 (below). Still working in my home office with the help of Xena and Lucy. Our new back, enclosed porch was finally finished, and Xena found a way onto the table.

October 2020 (below) Lucy and Xena joined the Zoom service with B’nai Zion and became BarkMitzvah-ed. Lucy’s new Hebrew name is Ora (light or shiny), while Xena’s is Grrvurah (warrior, sort of). We took a trip to an Air B&B in Kentucky for our 12th wedding anniversary, and the pups stayed with our frineds in Nashville.

November 2020 (below) The weather was unseasonably warm and sunny. Our Nashville friends joined us for thanksgiving, and then we leftall four pups home with the dogsitter while we spent a long Thanksgiving weekend at an Air B&B in North Carolina.

December 2020 (below) OK, so the first one is still from November, but just had to include it. Riley is back with us for a while, and so is his Dad Andrew.

Have a very good 2021, from Lucy, Xena, Achilles, Ella, Morty, Riley and Amy

Our Visit – Morty

Here is the answer to “Has Morty gotten any bigger?”


Hi, this is Xena here and I want to tell you a bit about our visit to the Nashville area to visit my Uncle Bill. Oh, and also Auntie Jen. And Morty the pig. And Ella and Achilles, too. Morty has had a growth spurt since he visited us a month ago. He’s a little taller and much longer than me now.

Morty’s an armful and then some. But he’s still a piglet.

Morty has a pig crush on my Daddy. Daddy loves to cook and is very good at it. Part of his birthday treat was to be able to do most of the cooking at Morty’s house this weekend, so he was in the kitchen a lot. That’s where Morty’s white mints are kept, and Daddy has fun feeding them to him. They’re like crack to Morty! He just can’t get enough.

Mommy wasn’t quick enough to get a picture of Morty standing up on his hind legs for his minty treats. None of us knew pigs could do that. Maybe he was imitating me. Next thing you know he will be hopping up and down on his back legs like I do.

Morty is on the move a lot. He spent a lot of time outside grazing on the grass in the fenced back yard. He usually won’t even go out when it’s so cold, but maybe he needed a break from four dogs in the house. When he finally came inside, his poor little hooves were all red from the cold. Later, he was sleeping under a blanket on his Mom’s lap, and we kept hearing him grunt. He had eaten so much grass that he was “passing gas.”

Because Achilles and Ella have to live with Morty, they treat him like their pesky little brother. At first they were real protective of him, but now it’s more like, “Get out of my stuff!” and “Leave me alone!” They even got in trouble today for growling at him and had to go for a time out in their kennels.

Lucy seems to like Morty just fine.

Of course, Lucy pretty much likes everyone. She is a real social butterfly. Morty wasn’t afraid of her, either.

Morty and me, we played a little bit too. Sometimes I barked and chased him down the hall, and sometimes he chased me down the hall while I growled.

At the end of the day, Morty was exhausted.

Be sure to check back soon for other adventures at Morty’s house.

Xena Schnauzer Warrior Princess

Christmas at Last

Is it Christmas yet?

Did Santa come? Can we open our prezzies? What, not until Daddy gets back with brother Adam?

Lucy: We let our guests go first. Achilles got an empty, Santa covered water bottle, and he loved it! He worked and worked on it until he got the bottle out. Then the fun was over. I think he was disappointed that there was no stuffing in the stuffie!

Xena: Morty got reindeer ears and an empty bag that he tried to eat. Oh wait, the bag wasn’t his prezzie, he just grabbed it from someone else.

Lucy: Mom made doggie cookies for Morty and Achilles and Ella and they all scarfed them up. She packed them up some more from the freezer to take home. Some of them had pumpkin, and some of the cookies had tomato in them. They all were salt and sugar-free, with no preservatives or artificial anything. We weren’t allowed to have any because of all the carbs interfering with our stomach acid pee H.

Xena: But we did get Dogurt. It’s a new doggie yogurt that Mom found right in the dairy section of the grocery. Later we got real live beef soup bones. A big one to fit Lucy’s mouth and a smaller one for me to chew. Our peeps brother Adam sat outside with us until we got all the greasy stuff off them so we didn’t get it all over the furniture.

Lucy: Our friends, Chloe and Chaz -who stay with us sometimes and who Mom grooms – gave us this blanket. Do you see the heartbeat?

Xena: Lucy got a weird bone thing that she doesn’t want and neither do I or Ella.

Mommy said it’s OK for her to give to Achilles the next time she sees him. We’re sure he’ll like it.

I got new stuffies. No bears, ’cause they always go away to hibernate in the winter – except for Winter Bear – and then they empty our fridge when they are done hibernating. They get like zombies trying to eat the brains of Cone Heads. We don’t actually stock brains for them, but we make sure there’s plenty of berries and stuff to satisfy their extreme hunger from not eating all winter.

Anyhow, I got Chip, who is siting in the back closest to me. His big eyes and teeth kind of scared me at first, but I’m getting used to it. And puppy Oscar the Schnauzer. And the other dog is a stray and doesn’t have a name yet. Any suggestions?

Lucy: Brother Andrew got here just in time for dinner. Him and brother Adam were really glad to see each other, and were acting goofy. Mom said it was like how me and Ella act when we see each other after being apart.

I don’t know why “all good things must end.”

But maybe it’s so we can get some rest and be ready for good things the next day.

Love, Peace and Joy from Lucy and Xena Schnauzer Warrior Princess

Christmas Eve

Xena: Our friends stayed the night, and the next day – Christmas Eve – they got together with their parents and other family. They were gone a-a-a-all day! In the meantime we had a P-I-G to deal with. Morty. Yesterday we told you about Lucy accidentally French kissing Morty, and Morty invading my new cave tunnel. If you missed it, you can read about it here.

When her folks left, Ella was very upset and kept watching out the window for them. Then she got in her favorite chair and struck a pose and an attitude.

I am Queen Ella and don’t care if they ever come back.
Uh, does anyone know where they went? No one asked me if it was OK.
Seriously, when are my pawrents coming back?

The day was warm – about 68F/19C – and we spent some time out back. Morty grazed (I learned that means he ate grass) and we all hung out for a while. (This pic was taken earlier in the year, but you get the picture…BOL, get the picture BOL!

Achilles has bad allergies, so he had to go in, and everyone but Mommy and Morty went in to keep him company. When it was time for them to come in too, Mom had to sort of herd him onto the back patio and into the house, but at least he listened. He actually listened good to Mommy all day. Next thing you know she will be teaching him tricks, he, he!

Inside, Achilles followed Mom’s every step. Morty followed her around too, but sometimes went off to oink somewhere else in the house. Achilles saw Mommy wrap one of his pressies, and he kept trying to get up high on our Troll named Vic (he’s an old-fashioned record player), so she had to put it wa-a-ay up high on the kitchen cabinets. Then he discovered our magic red chair in the front library, the one where we watch all the world go by, and bark when needed. He thought he had to bark at everything: kids, adults, cars, squirrels, leaves, and probably ants, too. I’m more selective – I never bark at ants or leaves. That soon got on Mommy’s last nerve and she made encouraged him to get down and play with Ella and Lucy. I joined in by barking. She said that somehow the situation had not improved. By the end of the day Lucy and her boyfriend Achilles were worn out.

Achilles got too hot, so he laid on the cool tile floor.

I may have been a bit worn out myself. But at least I had my chair back.

87 hours later, Uncle Bill and Auntie Jen returned, and then Mommy and Daddy came home from Christmas Eve church. We all fell exhausted into bed, hoping Santa Paws would come and bring us good things.

Please come back tomorrow to find out about our Christmas Day! I am Xena Schnauzer Warrior Princess

Christmas Eve Eve

Lucy: My bestie Ella and my guy, Achilles came with my Uncle Bill and Auntie Jen to spend Christmas with us. Morty the pig came too. I loved having them all here. Morty made himself right at home.

Morty is 9 months old, so he’s still a baby even though he has grown a lot since we saw him last. He’s now 21 pounds and a little bigger than Xena.

Xena’s new favorite place is between the otto man and the love seat. It didn’t take Morty long to discover this cave-like area and try to claim it as his own. Xena was laying there with Mom’s legs over her, spanning the gap between the love seat and otto man when Morty entered the tunnel and laid down facing Xena.

He kept creeping closer to her, and she got scared and backed around the corner away from him.

Xena: I wasn’t scared! I was just practicing safe pig. Not like you were doing, Lucy. We all saw you kiss him with your tongue halfway down his throat! Mom just wasn’t quick enough to get a picture of it.

Lucy: It’s not what it looked like! I was just trying to give him a little hello kiss on the snout when he opened his mouth in a big yawn.

Anyhoo, the peeps sat around talking the first night, and it got kind of boring.

So Ella decided to turn the attention on her, while Achilles sought attention from his Dad.

Hi Uncle Jeff. Do you remember me, Queen Ella?
Ella: Hold still and let go of me, I want to kiss you!

Achilles: Ella, let me show you the way to do it.

You’ve gotta get your paws up around his neck and lean in. Aghh! He’s got me by the ears!

Xena: While they were attacking my Daddy, I cuddled up in my Uncle Bill’s arms. (I knew Daddy could take care of himself–he’s big and strong and my hero.)

I love Uncle Bill and he held and pet me until I was so tired that I had to lay on the floor and go to sleep cause no one would go to bed with me. Besides that, I could see Achilles running back and forth around our bed looking for my basket of stuffies that Mommy had put up. We found out that he is another stuffie killer, just like Riley. You sure know how to pick them, Lucy.

Lucy: He’s just got that one little fault…

Lucy and Xena: Come back tomorrow for Christmas Eve adventures, when we (Xena, Lucy, Mom and Dad) are left alone all day with Morty (and Ella and Achilles). XOX Lucy and Xena Schnauzer Warrior Princess


Hi, I’m Ella, Lucy’s BFF.

Today, I’m pretending that I am Queen over all I see.

Queen Sarabi: Soon, Ella-Mufassa, you will be ruler over all this land.

Hi, I’m Achilles, Lucy’s boyfriend.

Today I’m pretending that I am a Major League outfielder.

Did you see that catch? Huh, huh, didja?

I caught this one for you, Lucy!

Hi, I’m Morty, and I’m pretending that…

I am Pumba, and they call me MR. PIG.

Hi, I’m Xena, and I’m pretending my Daddy could stay home and play with me every day.

What do you want to play now, Daddy?

Hi, I’m Lucy, and I’m pretending…

to be the subject of a famous picture by a famous artist, and everyone would know my name.

We are Achilles, Ella, Morty, Xena and Lucy, the Pretenders.

Pick the Right One

Xena: Mommy took a picture of me and Jen Jen Bear and played with it on PicMonkey.

Which one do you like best? Really. Which one? If you get the right answer, you win an all-expense paid vacation to…

Lucy: Xena! Stop it! You can’t give a vacation away. You don’t have money to pay for it, and Mom would have a fit. Where did you get such a lame-brain idea, anyhow?

Xena: They do it all the time on TV. I didn’t know I would need money. I just thought it would be fun.

Xena: Hey! Where’d the picture of that pig Morty come from? Don’t anyone vote for that one or you won’t win!

Lucy: (Te, he, he.)

Birthday Trip to Nashville by Xena

Hi there. Well, we’re back from our visit and I panted and shook in the car some on the way home but mostly I slept on Mommy’s lap while Daddy drove. It’s a good thing Daddy was driving ’cause Mommy was sleeping, too. We meant to leave early, but first the folks went to Sunday school and church together and then they went out to eat at Moby Dicky’s Restaurant in Hendersonville near the church they had gone to. Then, when they got back to us, everyone was sleepy, so the guys took a nap while Mom and Aunty Jen curled up on the couch with me and Morty. Ella and Lucy took turns getting on the couch with us cause there wasn’t room for everyone. Anyhow, that’s why we didn’t get home until 9:00 at night and why me and Lucy didn’t get any supper. Grrr. That’s the sound our tummy’s made all night.

Don’t Lucy and I look happy to be at our aunt and uncle’s?

Morty and I are still the same size. I think I could take him in a fair fight, but I keep getting yelled at when I chase and bark at him. Hey, he grunted at me first!

Outside, Morty always kept his nose in the grass.

What are you doing, Morty? Hey you! Answer me.
Hey, someone tell me what this pig is doing! Eating grass? Really?
I’m not allowed to fight Morty. So, you know that old saying: If you can’t lick ’em, join ’em.

My Uncle Bill held me whenever I asked him to. He’s a good schnauzer holder. And I ran and ran in their big back yard. I got Lucy to chase me, too. She got too hot and would start to chase me when I asked her to, then stand back and let me run the big circle by myself.

You know what else happened while we were gone? Why Lucy didn’t want me to blog about us being there? Like Mommy told her, “If you don’t want Xena to tell everyone, then don’t do it in front of her.” Have you guessed?

Yep! Her and Achilles played kissie face. It was pretty disgusting. They kept licking each other’s tongues and mouth and sometimes Achilles would walk past her and give her a quick kiss. I think my sister’s in love.

I am the Grossed-out Xena Schnauzer Princess Warrior

Birthday Trip to Nashville by Lucy

When last we met, we were on our way to visit our Uncle Bill and Aunty Jen and our cousins, Ella and Achilles and piggy Morty. Even with her Thundershirt on, Xena panted and shook like a freight train the entire three hour drive. For a short time she fell asleep and we had some peace.

Ella and I picked up right where we left off as BFF’s. When she first saw me jump out of the car and run to the gate she growled and I stopped. Then she apologized and said she was just out of her mind excited that I was there!

I love you, Lucy, you’re my bestest friend in the whole world.

I dared Ella to try to curl her tongue like I did. She sure did try! She even threw her head back to get her tongue to curl better.

Shortly after we arrived Achilles got stuck in his kennel, Morty got stuck in the bathroom, and everyone left us to our own devices. (I heard that somewhere and have been waiting for a chance to use it.) The peeps took Mom out for another birthday dinner. Well, it was actually a lunch, so I guess that’s one of each. They went somewhere that there was an antique car show with really old cars parked up and down the road, their hoods up and doors open. They ate at an Italian restaurant, where Mom got the lasagna that was dripping with hot, gooey cheese. (Please excuse me while I wipe the drool from my mouth.) They got home early afternoon, and then the fun for us began.

Achilles wanted me to watch him play with his ball. He loves to run and play with balls.

We had all been wandering over to where Morty was chomping on the grass because he is such a curiosity to us. Achilles even offered him his ball, but Morty wasn’t interested.

Us woofers ran and played together in the big back yard. Morty and Xena oinked and woofed at each other occasionally, but no blood was shed.

Later that night all the peeps went dancing. They went to National Ballroom and Co., owned by David Hamilton, worldwide ballroom dance champion. Mom was hoping to get to dance with David, but he wasn’t there. She and Dad had even taken a lesson from him once when he was in Chattanooga. Mom gave Uncle Bill a refresher course in rumba.

“…side together forward, side together back…”

Him and Aunty Jen, they danced all the rumbas and the ones Mom calls “belly rubbers.” The rest of the time they enjoyed watching everyone else dance. They took this picture of Mom and Dad swing dancing, but the lighting wasn’t very good.

Before we left the next day I got on the couch and saw Morty on Aunty Jen’s lap, with his little snout sticking out of the covers.

I tried to do a nose touch to say, “Let’s be friends,” but he tried to bite my nose. I guess he didn’t want to be friends. Aunty Jen explained that I don’t speak pig latin and he doesn’t speak dog sign language. So I guess it was just a miscommunication. In any case, I won’t be trying that again.

Tomorrow, Xena will tell you more about our visit. I tried to tell Mom that no more needed to be told, but she just laughed and shook her head.

Wiggles and licks, Lucy

Messages from Our Friends

Lucy: Mom got a message in from my bestie, Ella.

Lucy: We love you, too, Ella!

Xena: Hey Luce, your boyfriend is sending you a message now.

Xena: What a whiny wimp. He needs to step up and be da dog. Just watch, he’ll probably get all kinds of attention from this.

Lucy: Well, whiny boy used to be your boyfriend. He even asked Dad for your paw in marriage. 

Xena: Na uh.

Lucy: Na hah. Here’s where you blogged about it, in case you need your memory stirred. Or just look at what I copied below.

(from August of last year)

“Mommy puts essential oils on it to keep the bugs away from me. It didn’t work on keeping Achilles away, though, BOL.You promise to stop bugging me if I what?! Well, OK, maybe just one quick kiss.

That was a mistake, ’cause then what I think I overheard Achilles say to my Daddy was, “Mr. Jeff, can I marry your daughter, the little one, the pretty one?” “

(Back to the present)

Xena: OK, OK, but I didn’t marry him, did I? Hey, wait, is that Morty?

This video doesn’t exist

Xena: I couldn’t understand a word he oinked. He must be speaking pig-Latin.

Lucy: I found an on-line interpreter. Morty said, “Don’t believe those goons.  I am the most important pig in this house. I run this joint.”

Xena: Well, it’s true he is the only pig living in that house, so he must be the most important piggie there, BOL!

It sure was nice getting to hear from out friends. We both hope to see them again soon, along with our Aunty Jen and Uncle Bill.

Woofs and wags, Lucy and Xena Princess Schnauzer Warrior


Mortie’s First Day Home

Lucy: We haven’t met our new cousin yet, but we got lots of pictures and some stories. Aunty Jen got home safely to Nashville after picking up Sir Mortimer aka Mortie from Indiana. Turns out that Mortie is half mini kheune and mini-Juliana. He got to ride in her lap on the way home. This was all new for him, and we kinda understand how scared he must have been, and how being tucked in Aunty’s arm and listening to her heartbeat must have helped.

Once they got home, she had to introduce Mortie to Ella and Achilles, without a clue as to how they would react.

Xena: I mean, they might have been thinking that their Mommy just brought home the bacon, why isn’t she frying it up in a pan, right?

Lucy: Xena!

Xena: *hangs head* Sorry. I know, I know, Cousins don’t eat Cousins. And Siblings don’t eat Siblings.

Lucy: Where was I? Oh yes. So Aunty Jen still has the playpen that Angel Cousin Piper used to sleep in last year. New Cousin Mortie was happy to take a nap in it, all snuggled down in his blankie. Ella quickly showed her maternal instincts.

Xena: I’m telling Ella you said she is matted and stinks, Lucy.

Lucy: I’m ignoring that. So, Ella laid by the pen and growled at Achilles every time he came near. We don’t know if she was protecting him or claiming him. Mom thinks it might have something to do with her remembering Piper in that pen. Ella and Piper were very close and she grieved a lot – along with everyone else – when he left to cross the rainbow bridge. Now she’s got little Mortie to watch over.

Turns out, Achilles loves Mortie, too.They even napped together. 

Xena: We can’t wait to hear more, and especially we can’t wait to meet Cousin Mortie. 

Lucy: We’ll be back soon with more stories.

Love and wags, Lucy and Xena Schnauzer Warrior Princess