Talk Like a Pirate Day: Riley, Lucy, Xena and Chia Go to the Beach

Xena: You know Mommy and Daddy’s gone off to the beach without us again, right? And we’re left all alone to Talk like a Pirate.

Riley: Never fear. I will once again lead the charge in finding them this year. We’ll let narry a pirate whisk them away, at least not before we get our supper.

Lucy: Yeah, well, that didn’t work so good last year. We ended up on an inflatable pirate ship that took us nowhere and we had to hurry and get back home before Miss Christy got back from work. (click here if you missed that.)

Chia: But I was the captain!! Let’s do that again! I wanna be the captain again! I found Miss Christy’s credit card and phone and I’ve contacted an Uber to get us to the beach.

A few hours and a huge Uber bill later…

Chia: Lookie here, ye rogues! Me caught me a sea serpent and made haste to kill it. That makes me the Captain. I’m Captain Chia, harr, harr, harr!

Xena: Quiet, bilge rat, and bring me a grog whilst I watch for our pawrents.

Chia: Grrrrrr. Garrrrr.

Riley: Me thinks me catches their smell, Lucy me mate.

Lucy: Remember to get yur hat on the way back, C’ptain Riley.

Chia: Why din’t any of ye rogues wanna play with me sea serpent?

Xena: I told ye, ye bilge rat. Me watches fer our pawrents who’ll have the chest of treasure.
Chia: Huh? And call me Captain Bilge Rat, er, I mean, Captain Chia!
Xena: With our supper, Captain Bilge Rat.

Riley: The smell gets closer.
Lucy: It smells like BBQ…
Riley: Aye! We’ve found the booty!!

(People yelling) Hey, you dogs! Get away from there! Bring that food back!

Later that evening…Miss Christy on the phone with Uber…

Why did you charge my credit card all that money? Uh huh, no, no! I’m telling you, I did not order an Uber to the beach and back! Do you know how far that is!? I was at work all day. Wait…
do you dogs know anything about this? Wait, what am I saying? You’re dogs. Dogs just don’t do these things. *shakes head*

Well, is everyone ready for supper? Uh, Riley, where’d you get that hat?

Everyone: *woof, woof, woof, arrf, grrr, woof, Miss Christy! (Translation: Supper, yes! And we love you, Miss Christy.)

Selfie Sunday: Xena

It’s my turn to do a Sunday Selfie. My life’s been pretty miserable lately. I have a flea allergy. That means that when even one flea bites me, I go crazy itching and scratching.

Mommy got the yard treatment guys to spray real good. The stuff is supposed to not cause cancer or hurt peeps or pooches, even if we eat the grass — after it all dries. Well, that didn’t work. Even after that and after Mommy washed our bedding and vacuumed and flea bathed us all, I would still have one or two on me every time she checked, morning and night. Then she sprinkled that stuff that cuts them into pieces — I think it’s called diatomaceous earth (Mommy helped me with the spelling) in our dog lot. I still was getting fleas. Then she called the pest service back and a different guy came out. He told Mommy that he was going to use something else that was also safe for all of us. He thought maybe the fleas had grown used to the other stuff, and they needed something new to do the job. He sprayed really good, and Mommy hasn’t found a flea on me since. Well, that way my long way of saying that there have been no new fleas, but I am still suffering from the bites from the other ones that are now dead, and, if Mommy’s words came true as she killed each one, they’re all burning in H.E. double hockey sticks.

Anyhoo, that was a long way of saying that I’ve decided, for my Sunday Selfie, to go to my happy place without fleas or Chia or anything else that irritates me or makes me miserable. Especially fleas.

Join me, and we’ll play and pretend happy things.

Many thanks to  The Cat on My Head  for hosting Sunday Selfies!

We’re leaving in a fast car…don’t know when we’ll be back again.*

Xena: It’s been quite a visit. I learned a few things, like what it’s like to have unwanted attention, how to let someone down easy, how good pig poop tastes…speaking of which…

three days ago in Auntie Jen’s back yard

Mom: Xena, stop eating that grass and come on in the house….Xena….do you hear me?? Xena!
Mommy walks toward me and sees this (WARNING: The next picture contains a poop image and may not be appropriate for all readers)

Yep, real, fresh pig poop. Mmmmm

Mommy: OMG, you’re eating pig poop!
Xena: Don’t freak, Mommy. Wait, why are you texting Auntie Jen? No, please don’t make me vomit, I won’t do it again (paws crossed).
As it ended up, I wasn’t forced to vomit and my tummy never even got upset! However, a couple of days later, Lucy also discovered these delectable morsels. Mommy suspected Lucy had eaten some, but since I didn’t get sick, she didn’t do anything about/to Lucy. Then at 2:58 a.m. Mommy woke up to a retching sound. One of the big dogs jumped off the bed and there was a vomiting sound. The culprit jumped back in the bed and acted like nothing had happened. Mommy finally got up and turned on the bedroom light. She saw a pile of fresh-ish meat, apple, broccoli, and some unidentifiable matter. . yep, it was Lucy’s. After that, she began cleaning the yard up every day and following us around outside.

Xena: Yesterday when Mommy opened Morty’s Bathroom Apartment door for him to come out for supper, she found this:

That’s Morty’s Teddy facedown in Morty’s used litter. Did Teddy need to go potty? Or maybe he was hungry!

Xena: That takes us to today, and boyfriend drama. *sigh*

heard very early this morning…

Achilles: I wish you wouldn’t keep your back to me, Lucy

Lucy: I wish you wouldn’t flirt with my little sister.

Later in the morning:

Ella: Hey girl. I hear you’re leaving soon. Love you, friend.

Lucy: Hey girl. I love you too, friend.

Xena: I’m sorry, Achilles, that I hurt your feelings. I want you to know it’s not you, it’s me. I just want to stay single and close to my Mommy.

Why are you looking over my shoulder, Achilles?

Achilles: Lucy! I’m so glad to see you! Ignore her. You’re my girlfriend, remember?

Lucy: Goodbye, Achilles. I’ll see you next time. I’m going to have to think about our relationship.

Achilles: Why do girl dogs have to make it all so difficult? I’m a good boy. Everyone says so. Xena is just…different. She looks and acts so different than me or Lucy. That’s why I keep looking at her. Maybe next time I can just look at Lucy and she’ll be happy.

Xena: Uh, Mommy, after my shampoo and blow dry and pedicure, I’m ready to go home and cuddle in my daddy’s lap. I’m even ready to play with Chia. I hear she and Riley have been playing a lot while we’ve been gone. I also heard she managed to get the porch screen door open and had a bit of a runabout.

Are you packed? Are we ready to go? I call dibs on the backseat kennel!

*John Denver, I’m Leaving on a Jet Plane lyrics:

All my bags are packed I’m ready to go I’m standin’ here outside your door I hate to wake you up to say goodbye But the dawn is breakin’ It’s early morn The taxi’s waitin’ He’s blowin’ his horn Already I’m so lonesome I could die So kiss me and smile for me Tell me that you’ll wait for me Hold me like you’ll never let me go ‘Cause I’m leavin’ on a jet plane Don’t know when I’ll be back again Oh babe, I hate to go There’s so many times I’ve let you down So many times I’ve played around I tell you now, they don’t mean a thing Every place I go, I’ll think of you Every song I sing, I’ll sing for you When I come back, I’ll bring your wedding ring So kiss me and smile for me Tell me that you’ll wait for me Hold me like you’ll never let me go ‘Cause I’m leavin’ on a jet plane Don’t know when I’ll be back again Oh babe, I hate to go Now the time has come to leave you One more time Let me kiss you Then close your eyes And I’ll be on my way Dream about the days to come When I won’t have to leave alone About the times, I won’t have to say Kiss me and smile for me Tell me that you’ll wait for me Hold me like you’ll never let me go ‘Cause I’m leavin’ on a jet plane Don’t know when I’ll be back again Oh babe, I hate to go But, I’m leavin’ on a jet plane Don’t know when I’ll be back again Oh babe, I hate to go.

Dear Diary by…

Xena: For Flashback Friday, Mommy said I could re-publish my very first post! But I want to start out saying Happy Birthday to my peeps brother, Andrew! OK, here we go…

The Last Picture of Me at My First Home

Dear Diary,

I, once called The Female with the Yellow Collar, just had my whole world turned upside down. I should have known something was up yesterday when The Woman took me away from all my puppy siblings and friends – and oh, we were having a grand ol’ time in our playpen – and put a pretty colored thingy on my body. She let me run around the house some, dragging a long thing attached to what I learned was called a hardness (probably because it is hard to get out of), then kept me in a wire kennel away from my buddies.

Come around supper time, a New Woman came to our door and The Woman let me go outside to meet her. I liked her right away, so I wanted to show her what I could do. I ran as fast as I could in big circles around the yard, stopping to sniff the grass and the bushes and anything else that caught my interest. Sometimes I would rip leaves off a bush, just to show it who was boss, or grab some grass and tear it out of the ground, slinging it over my shoulder. Pretty soon I forgot about the New Woman and just ran and played for the sheer joy of it. I bounced up and down and inside of me I was laughing.

    My Boring Brother

I was brought in the house and put in the wire kennel while one of my brothers went outside with The Woman and The New Woman.

He’s so boring, he just did his potty, sniffed around, and wanted The New Woman to hold him. I don’t know why he got a cookie for just doing that.

The next thing I knew, the Womans were talking and signing papers and giving each other stuff and I got put into a kennel in the back seat of the New Woman’s car. It was a little scary, ’cause I had never been in a car before this. We drove for about 87 hours – the New Woman said it was only 3 hours, but I am not sure about that – and I slept most of the way. Except, of course for when my tummy got sick and then I had to pee pee.

When we got to the New Woman’s house, a Man took the kennel out of the car and told The New Woman that I had gone pee pee all over the pillow and there was throw up there, too. He left the room while The New Woman gave me a bath. I was shivering, mostly from fear, but I was a little cold too, so The New Woman wrapped me up in a soft towel and took me upstairs to The Man. He held me and called me Littlest One and made me feel safe. I was getting sleepy – after all, the sun had gone away a zillion hours ago – when I got another surprise. A gigantic dog suddenly appeared and sniffed me! She told me her name is Lucy and asked me my name and why I was here in her Dad’s lap. I said, “My name is either The Female with the Yellow Collar or Littlest One.” I didn’t really know, but thought I should answer her. I told her, “I’m here because The New Woman brought me here. And don’t ask me anything else, ’cause I’m just as confused as you.” When The Man put me down for Lucy to see me better, Lucy ran and hid in The Man’s office. That’s where I heard The New Woman say she was, anyhow. Then I listened to The Man and The New Woman talk about where I was to sleep. The New Woman wanted me to sleep in the bed with them. The New Man said he had heard too many horror stories about what could happen. So The New Man won and I was put in the cleaned kennel where I could see The New Woman. I had a special blue and yellow blanket that used to belong to someone named Angel Lexi, and a big soft toy to cuddle with. Lucy was still all scared, so The Man and The New Woman let her sleep with them. I guess she is too big for the horror things to happen to her. I fell off to sleep wondering what new surprises would happen tomorrow.

I guess that’s it for now, Dear Diary. I think I will have lots more to write about very soon. Note to self: ask The New Woman if Littlest One is my new name. ~Me

Sunday Selfies Show & Tell

Lucy: Hi, and Happy New Year, friends! *wiggles* When last we met, Mom was going to take me to the Smart Pet store for a new sweater. That was great! So many people pet me while I was there! I got a really pretty sweater too, and it even fits me like it was made for me (but not made by Mom, BOL!). Then I found out I had to pose for a picture. I really don’t like getting my picture made.

Chia: C’mon Lucy, you can do this! I just got lots of pictures taken and it doesn’t hurt a bit. Give Mom a good picture and it’ll all be over and you can go back to doing nothing.

Lucy: *gulp* OK, I’ll try. But it’s hard to look happy like Xena does in her pictures when I’m doin’ something I don’t wanna do.

Lucy: There. I hope everyone can see my pretty new sweater. I’m done.

Mom: No you’re not, sweet girl. Chia photo bombed you.

Chia: I was just giving moral support.

Lucy: Are we done yet?

Chia: Yep, it’s my turn. First, you probably noticed I’m wearing my big girl panties. It’s been a long time since I’ve had to wear them.

I managed to get them off during the night and now there’s blood on the bedsheets and Dad’s underwear. I was laying up against him. Hmmm. I didn’t know that would happen. Xena! Are you back there photo bombing my picture?
So, what I really wanted to tell you is, I got another present, too. Mom decided I needed a new collar after she put my pretty pink collar on me and I made choking sounds, sorta like, “ghagrk.” I’m a big 1 1/2 years old now and I outgrew it. Off we went to the Smart Pet store!

Can you see it? Instead of a bow it has a pretty sunflower on it. And it’s not pink, yay! No, you can’t see it? Well, that’s ok, there’ll be plenty more pictures of me wearing it other days.

Xena: My turn! I got new stairs to be able to get on the bed without hopping up and down asking Mommy to pick me up. Riley’s bed is always on the side where the rug is, and the floor on Mommy’s side is too slippery for me to try to jump up. I wasn’t too sure about these stairs at first. But when treats suddenly appeared on them, I made it the whole way up to the top.

Now the trick is to get back down. Riley’s sleeping on his bed, so I can’t jump down that way. OK, I’m gonna try this…

OK, I think I can do this. One step at a time.

I’m doing it, Mommy!

Chia: Did you see me run up and down and back up the stairs, Mom? I’m so fast, just like the Flash! You probably missed it. That’s OK, I’ll do it again!

The next night….

Xena: Mommy, Mommy, Mommy lift me into bed Mommy.

Mommy: *sigh*

We are happy to join The Cat on My Head for Sunday Selfies.

All We Got for Christmas Was…

We are happy to join The Cat on My Head for Sunday Selfies.

Xena: We all agreed that first I’d tell you what Daddy got last Wednesday, early for Christmas. Sick. After two days of laying in bed with a fever, exhaustion and achy legs, a friend brought over a C-19 test. Yep. He’s got it. Each day he’s feeling a little better. He said he is glad he had his vaccines or it would have been way, way worse. Mommy’s OK, which is a good thing, cause who would take care of us if she was sick too!? If you want to pray for him or send healing thoughts his way, we are all sure it would help.

Next, here are our “selfies.” They are all painted on small round discs of wood. That’s Angel Lexi at the top. We don’t understand why my eyes are painted so big. Mommy finally said it’s because of my wide-eyed innocence. Mommy loves her present and is hanging them “up high” so they last many, many years.

Now, for the fun stuff — mostly. I didn’t get any presents to unwrap. Mommy said I have more stuffies than I need and I got the warm jammies she made for Chia – the ones that didn’t fit Chia. So instead, she made me cookies! Woo hoo! They have pumpkin and almond butter and coconut oil in them. Mmmm.

Lucy: I didn’t get anything to unwrap either. I don’t play with toys. I wouldn’t have minded a nice sweater since I gave mine to Riley for Christmas last year. But Mom made me cookies! They have cranberries and applesauce in them and they’re soft and yummy! Mom said she would take me to the Smart Pet Place today to get a new sweater, too!

Chia: Man, I hit the motherload! If Christmases are always like this, I think I’ll stick around! It’s my first Christmas here (I’m just 1 1/2 years old) and I needed everything. I knew right away what to do when I saw those gift bags! Look what I pulled outa the first one:

Isn’t it great!? It’s got a long body, just like me! I walked around showing it to everyone, which ended up being a bit of a mistake. More on that in a bit.

Do you remember me telling you that Mom took me to the Smart Pet place after her epic fail in making me jammies? She made me try on at least 87 different sweaters and hoodies and coats. I thought she got me one of them. Confirmation!

This is the first one she tried on me, and both of our favorites. Don’t I look pretty wearing it?

Riley: I was polite and waited for Mom Amy to offer me one of the gift bags. I stuck my nose in and pulled out a brand new tug toy! Woo hoo!

Then I pulled out the tissue paper — it was in the bag, so that was mine too, right? I love my new tug toy. I offered to share it with Rainy my reindeer, but he said thanks, he would just watch me play.

Then Mom Amy offered me another present, and I pulled out a long red stuffie. It was just like Chia’s but a different color.

In case you’re wondering, those little bottles back by the tree aren’t mine. Dad Jeff gave Mom Amy her two favorite liquors for Christmas. Anyhow, I was about to deadie the red stuffie when it occured to me that I could deadie the green one that is Chia’s and still have mine to keep or to deadie later. Sometimes I’m brilliant!

Chia: I had to go get a drink or bark at something, and when I did, Riley got ahold of Greenie. Before I could stop him, he had chewed off a lot of its head and removed a squeaker.

I ran quick and told Mom. She got it back for me and put Riley’s red one up so he couldn’t deadie it…at least not right away. Me and Riley spent a lot of time Christmas afternoon growling at each other. I growled at him to keep away from Greenie while I hid under a chair with it. He growled back at me saying to stop growling at him and just give it over. Everyone left us alone to growl at each other. Except Lucy. When it sounded like it was gonna come to blows – or bites – Lucy got between us and looked at us both. She has this thing, I don’t know what you’d call it. But when she’d do that, we both would stop growling and ignore each other – for a while, anyhow.

Xena: I thought you were the next one to get deadied, Chia.

Chia: I run fast and can fit under furniture, so I wasn’t too worried. Later that afternoon while Dad was taking a C-19 nap, Riley stopped growling and started barking at me. So I stopped growling and started squeaking at him! That’s right! There was more than one squeaker in Greenie. Anyhoo, it went something like this: Woof! Squeak! Woof! Squeak! Woof! Squeak! and so on. Then Dad got up and we stopped.

Riley: I got my punishment then. Dad Jeff took me downstairs and put “the stinky dog” as he called me, in the tub. Mom Amy appeared with shampoo, conditioner, Neem oil and towels and bathed me and conditioned my hair and moisterized my skin. In the middle of all this, Mom Amy heard the water running upstairs and realized Dad Jeff was getting in the jetted tub to try to feel better.

Next thing we knew, the water in my tub started cooling off. A lot. To warm me up, I got wrapped up in a blanket after getting towel-dried. I don’t want to admit I feel better, not as itchy. But I do. And my furs are really soft and shiny now.

Chia: It’ my turn again! Guess what! That’s not all I got!! Lucy and Xena both have treat puzzles, and now I do too! I caught on right away. Instead of moving the center pieces one by one – the slow way – I put my nose at the beginning and moved them all together, stopping whenever I came to a treat. It was too easy, really, for a smart pup like me! I hope I get a harder one soon, with lots more places for treats, like Xena’s.

Speaking of Xena’s, Mom got it and Lucy’s puzzle out too and filled them with treats. But, when she put them on the floor, Riley ran in and started working Xena’s! He’s never ever shown interest in a treat puzzle before that. Xena’s Mom’s “baby,” (grrr) but she’s definitely not stupid. She didn’t challenge him for her puzzle.

It only took him a moment to figure out to remove the white pieces in the middle of each row and open the red pieces and move them back and forth. Dad said, “He’s a smart boy and has always had a talent for mechanical things.”

Xena: I went over to Lucy and told her to look at what Riley was doing. Lucy’s puzzle is pretty small – it was my first puzzle. She got it when I got my new one that Riley was now using without my permission. But she’s a sweet sister and offered to let me work her (my old) puzzle with her, so we shared.

Bowsers! It’s become a free-for-all around this house!

Lucy: We gotta sign off now. Mom’s getting ready to take me shopping *wags!*.

Love and wags from Xena, Riley, Lucy and Chia

Waiting for Mom and a New Groom

Many thanks to Comedy Plus for hosting Happy Tuesday.

Xena: We’re still waiting for Mommy to come home. She’s still at the hospital with our brother Adam. We haven’t seen her since Sunday morning. We are all going to be sooooo happy when she walks through that door. It’s true, she sent instructions to Daddy about how to feed each one of us, and what supplements or medicines we get, and how to cut the aloe plant and who gets it rubbed on their poor tummies. He’s trying really hard. We even saw the email she sent him saying, “Now, don’t you wish you had let me teach you how to feed them their raw diets?” And we all curled up tight next to him in bed last night.
Anyhoo, I guess — no, I know — we’re all very happy that Daddy is still here with us. Lucy, haven’t you been wanting to introduce a new groom?

Lucy Ace Reporter here with another episode of Grooming with Mom

Today I want to introduce our newest groom, Katie. Katie is a peach-colored miniature poodle. Her 5th birthday is coming up this month. Groomer Mom loves doing the poodle cut, and only has one other pooch she can subject to this, so she was tickled to get this pretty girl in for a groom. Katie’s Mom asked for what Groomer Mom refers to as a modified puppy cut. Groomer Assistant Dad was recruited to hold Katie while she had her front paws shaved and nails cut. Groomer Mom is quoted as saying, “He’s extremely good with the dogs.”

Since Katie was not in bad shape to begin with, there is no “before” picture. Here she is after her groom.

We want to thank Lily Parker’s Mom for the referral! If you missed Lily, you’ll get to see a real before picture by clicking here. I also want to report that Lily has been back twice since her initial groom in August. She was still covered in fleas, but her Mom’s working on that, and ordered the special collar her excellent groomer told her to get after the first visit! After her last groom, her Mom texted Groomer Mom: “Perfect! I really love the way you do her cut. Keeps her looking like a sweet little baby pup!” Groomer Mom said it made fighting all those fleas worth it.

Lucy, Ace Reporter, signing off with a promise to keep you updated on our brother Adam’s progress.

Xena’s Wordy Texting Wednesday

Thanks to Comedy Plus for hosting Wordless Wednesday Blog Hop.

I was sitting around minding my own business when I heard Mommy’s phone go *ding!* I think she was in the bathroom and didn’t hear it. So I looked to see what it was *dinging* about. Hey, if I can figure out how to use Alexa to get my supper, this oughta be pretty easy!

While looking at the phone, I remembered Mommy always uses her finger to swipe down from the top to see her messages. I thought my pawpad might work, even though this wasn’t an eyepad…bingo! Here’s the text!

Heyy is this Damir? its Bexley…
we chatted on tagged last time
I came down to see my relatives
but we didn’t connect irl…Im
back n the area for a min if u
wanted 2 actually meet up
this time, around?

Since I know there is no one here by the name of Damir, I texted this back:

U have the wrong number

It worked! I got an answer! And the person even sent me her picture. She must be really nice.

Ouch did I just text some random
dude? Ouch My bad. Im such
stupid some of the time.

I didn’t want my new friend to feel bad, so I let her know it was ok and sent her my picture.

I’m a dog, not a dude, and I didn’t
even understand half your
abbreviations. Don’t worry

about it.

Then I got this reply:

Thank you for not being pissed off!
I suppose not all men are a jerk
that gives out fake phone nos haha; P
Wanna chat? What is ur name?

I was sitting there wondering why she thought I was a man. I looked at my picture real close to be sure I didn’t look like a man in it. Right then, Daddy walked by and saw me using Mommy’s phone. He looked at the texts and said, “Xexe, it’s a robot.”

Whaaaaat? How could a stupid robot text us? Nonetheless, Daddy said I wasn’t allowed to text with my new robot friend anymore. Not even after Bexley tried one more time…

Haha cool meeting ya! Thanks 4
keeping me company . What
kinda hijinks do u get up 2?

I so wanted to tell her I love to dance and go for rides and get treats. And I like playing with both my sisters, too. Maybe she’ll text me back when Mommy or Daddy aren’t around.

I’m Xena Schnauzer Texting Warrior Princess

Xena Makes a Call

Xena: Where’s Mommy and Daddy?

Lucy: Chia’s in her kennel, so that means they’ve left. You know they always come back, or Miss Christy comes to stay.

Xena: But it’s almost suppertime! What am I, er, we going to do?

Lucy: You don’t have to growl about it, Xena! Just take a nap and wait for someone to show up.

Xena: I’m not growling! That’s my tummy.

Hmmm, I’ve heard Mommy tell that thing she calls Alexa to call her phone. “Hey Alexa, call Mommy’s phone.”

Hmmm. Nothing. Maybe if I read the directions on the screen…wait! I think Alexa says, “Amy” when it talks to her. “Hey Alexa! Call Amy’s phone.”

Amy: “Hello?”

Amy: Jeff, get a to-go box. We have to go home.

I am Xena Schnauzer Warrior Princess with a happy tummy.

A Video Message from Our Mom

We’re joining Comedy Plus for theAwww Monday Blog Hop!

Miss Christy: You pups got a video message from your Mom. Gather round and I’ll play it for you. *mumbling* I never get video messages…I’ve never even stayed with pups before who got video messages.

Xena: The ocean sure looks calm there and small.

Riley: That’s not the ocean, it’s a swimming pool.

Lucy: She’s changed locations. Oh dear. Do you think she’s been stolen and we’ll have to go find her, or maybe give a reward to get her back?

Chia: Why isn’t anyone playing with me? Wait! What did she say at the end there? Miss Christy, did you tell her what we did yesterday, running off to to look for her and Dad on Talk Like a Pirate Day??

Miss Christy: No Chia. I promised I wouldn’t in exchange for you being a good girl for me.

Riley: What? Mom Amy found out? Xena, push the duster around the floor. I’ll pre-wash the dishes, and Lucy, you lick the kitchen floor clean.

Chia: What about me?

Riley: Hide that thing you chewed up and stay out of trouble.

Xena: And I’ll look up at her adoringly when she gets back.

Lucy: And I’ll try to not look too guilty.

Miss Christy: That’s right. You pups do all that work and I won’t have to. I’m sure she’ll forgive you then.

Chia: Won’t have to what, Miss Christy?

Miss Christy: Uh, umm *thinking* I won’t have to tell our little secret!

Vampire Dogs

Angel Lexi

Angel Lexi: On All Hallow’s Eve, I am back to play tricks and get treats. So tonight, I am reclaiming my blog. That’s right, my blog! This is the night before All Saint’s Day, the day where I will be especially remembered and prayers will go up for me and a candle lit to show I am still the light of the world and star of the stage to show my spirit still shines brightly in the hearts of those who love me. So tonight I will partake of a little mischief. I would rather partake of Kahlua and cream, but there is no cream in the refrigerator. 

Lookout, Xena, here I come. You may eat raw meat every day, but I have not yet had my fill of blood. Eating kibble all my life has left me very, very thirsty. (in best Bela Lugosi voice) I come to suck your…oh forget it, that’s just too corny, even for me. Now, where was I? Tonight, Xena, you become like me!

Xena: You mean I am going to become an Angel?

Angel Lexi: No! You will be a Vampire Dog!

Xena: Aghhhh! Help!

Angel Lexi: There is no help for you. You will crave blood, fresh blood. Now go get some blood! (And bring me all the meat from the fridge.)

Now YOU will be a vampire, too, Mommy, with me and Angel Lexi

Xena: Oh, Mo-o-ommy… hold me, Mommy, hold me close bawahaha

Happy Halloween! Be sure to visit Dash Kitten, Barking from the Bayou, and Bionic Basil  for more spooky tails.

Vampire Dogs Angel Lexi the Schnauzer and Xena Schnauzer Warrior Princess Dash

Flower Friday with Xena

Hey Luce, can you believe it’s already been a whole year since I had to pose for this picture?

We had a new azalea last year. That’s the one you posed beside. It’s a nice picture of you, too, Lucy.

That was our new, 3 season azalea. It bloomed again in the spring for a short time. In the spring it looked like this.

Later in the spring, Mommy called the place where she got it, Holcomb’s Garden Center. It had a warranty, and she was thinking about returning it. They told her that it doesn’t bloom continuously for 3 seasons, but it would bloom again in the summer. Well, in the summer, it was deader than a thumbnail.

Lucy: That’s a door nail, Xena.

Xena: Whatever. Anyhoo. by then Holcomb’s was OOB. That’s short for Out of Business. Can you believe it? So now it looks like this.

In case you’re wondering, that’s a hole in the ground where the azalea bush used to be.

Well then today, Mommy ran out to the store without me ’cause we live in the USA where they have stupid laws about dogs and stores and she came home with a mum. Mom came home with a mum! BOL, BOL! So, to kill two words with one stone…

Lucy: It’s birds, Xena. It’s to kill two birds with one stone.

Xena: Why word you want to kill birds? And I really don’t see how you could kill two of them with the same stone. Anyhoo, no matter what you kill with one stone, or if yo don’t want to kill anything at all, or if you just want to kill one word or bird or…

Lucy: Xena, enough. Please just get to the point.

Xena; Mommy decided to put the table out over top of the hole where the azalea used to be and put that mum that is not her on it and take my picture with it again. Happy Flower Friday, folks.

Pee S, The pretty plastic aura around my head is ’cause I itched a hot spot under my ear. More about that later.

Thanks to Rosy from the LLB Gang for hosting another edition of Flower Friday

This and That on Flower Friday

Xena – The Visit Ends: Our visitors finally went home after peeing  being with us for 10 days. 

This is me, Xena, and my new friends, Laila and Louis.
Can I take this bone that I found home with me?
Sorry about ruining your big rug.
Bye, bye, Miss Amy. We liked being here.

Xena – A Hat? No Thanks.  Mommy decided once again to try putting Angel Lexi’s hat on me. A cast member gave it to her when she was in the Wizard of Oz. It has a star on it to show she was the star of the show.

Does my expression tell it all?

Lucy – No board, just groom: Chaz was supposed to stay with us last week, but something happened that his folks couldn’t go away. 

Instead, he just came for a groom. 

Xena – Heat and a flower or something like that: It was hotter than a witch’s ti…

Lucy – Xena! No! 

Xena – What? 

Lucy – The saying is “colder” not “hotter.” 

Xena – Oh. Anyway, it’s been hot. So finally one day there was a slight break in the heat and we convinced Mommy to take us for a walk. I thought I’d better leave as much pee mail as I could, ’cause who knows when we will be out walking again, right? And we even saw some pretty flowers.

Lucy – More visitors coming this weekend: I found out that we are finally going to meet Morty.

I’m not sure how that’s going to go, but we are all hoping for the best.

One thing I am sure about is that I can hardly wait to see Ella again. You know we are tight! So, when I heard she was coming to visit, I shouted out a “Hey, girl” to her. She promptly responded the same to me.

   “Hey girl, hey!”

That went on for a while. Then I said, “I can’t wait to hang out with you. Just one thing, Ella. This here is MY Dad, OK?

She said as long as I understood that Aunty Jen is HER Mom, we’re cool.

                         Oh, solo mio…arrooo!

Xena –  Daddy is MY Daddy too, you know!

This is Lucy and Xena (she means Xena and Lucy) joining the LLB Gang (especially Rosy)  for Flower Friday. 

Louis and Laila – Still Here

Before I tell my story, I want to wish Noodle, my almost brother-in-law, of the Adventures of Noodle, a very happy birthday. Noodle was Lexi’s boyfriend, and they had lots of wonderful adventures together. So, from me and Lucy and Mommy, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, NOODLE!

Well, it’s been six days and Louis and Laila are still with us. And they are still alive and unharmed. Just wait til I tell you why I said that. Monday morning, Daddy got up extra early to go in to work. He doesn’t usually go to work on Monday and neither does Mommy, but he had a lot to do. The invaders were sleeping in my kennel in the living room, and he tried to sneak past them. He was trying to be quiet so they didn’t wake up Mommy. When that didn’t work, he let them out of my kennel, which is right next to the back door, and was about to open the door for them when Laila peed on the floor. While he was trying to get that cleaned up, Louis ran around the house lifting his leg on everything! Daddy tried to get that cleaned up, too, but, well, he had to go to work. So he woke up Mommy and told her what happened. That was probably his second mistake, right after letting the invaders out of my kennel. We won’t get into that, though.

Soooo, in order for Mommy to keep her sanity and in order to help Daddy stay out of trouble, we now have a protocol. It goes like this.

  1. Both Laila and Louis have to wear my big girl panties at all times, except when they are outside.
Laila: Ha, ha, Louis, you have to wear a diaper like me. Louis: I’ll never make an impression on the girls like this.

2. The first thing in the morning, Mommy fixes their breakfast and sets it out back on the patio. Then she takes them out and removes their diapers. They stay there until it is time for her to go to work. Then she goes outside and puts their diapers back on them before bringing them in and telling them to go into my kennel. (grr)

Laila: I would rather be inside playing with this bone I found.

3. After work, Mommy fixes their supper and sets it out back on the patio, then takes them out back, removes their diapers, and leaves them there until me and Lucy eat our supper.

4. Then Mommy goes back out, puts their diapers back on them, and brings them in to spend the evening with us.

Louis: I’m hot, turn the air conditioning cooler, please.
Laila: Come lay on the kitchen floor Louis. It’s nice and cool.

The funny thing is, I have started liking them being here. I firmly told Louis, “No!” and he has stopped sniffing my bee-hind and trying to climb on me. And I keep trying to get Laila to be my friend. I gently put my paw on her and wag my tail. She mostly ignores me, but last night we all played together, even Lucy and Louis.

Mommy admitted that she had hoped I would make some friends my own size and have someone to play with besides Lucy, who is 87 times bigger than me. I still get to snuggle up close to Mommy all night long, and now I get to stay out of my kennel during the day because Louis and Laila are in it. And I get to play with them after supper. Maybe, just maybe, Mommy knew what she was doing.

Love and wiggles, Xena Schnauzer Warrior Princess

Freestyle and Shorts

Sunday I went to Freestyle with Mommy and learned to “touch.”

See that orange cone thingy behind me? Miss Julia stuck a treat inside it and then gave me a different treat every time I touched the cone with my nose. I really, really liked that game. I always keep an eye on everything going on there.

Other than Freestyle class, not too much has been happening this week, so me and Lucy, we thought you might like to see some short little videos of us. (He, he, I bet you thought you were going to get to see us in shorts – like clothes – right?)

While I was gone having fun with Mommy, Lucy was in the back yard eating all the meat off of a raw deer rib…and some of the bone, too.

Most days, Mommy says, “Who wants to get their teeth brushed?” and we both come running. I always go first. Our “toothpaste” is coconut oil with Neem essential oil in it. Sometimes we get Lavender essential oil in it too for flavor, but we like it either way.

Then it’s Lucy’s turn. Mommy got a red finger brush for Lucy, but Lucy kept trying to bite down on it. So, to keep her finger safe, Mommy went back to using a regular toothbrush. Did you notice me walking under Lucy? I do that all the time!

I’m still woofing at Daddy to fix the video of me and Lucy howling, and he keeps saying he is too busy right now. Grrrr. Hey, wait, maybe that’s what he’ll do for me for my birthday next week! Yeah, I bet that’s it! And lots of belly rubs and chair naps, too.

I am Xena Schnauzer Warrior Princess with clean teeth



Time with My Daddy

I’ve been thinking about my birthday coming up on the first official day of summer – June 21. I know boxes have been delivered from Amazon that Mommy has whisked away without letting me see what’s in them. I think it’s going to be a good birthday.

I’ll be two years old. But I’ve also been wondering if that means I’m all grown up and what changes I need to make. Should I stop saying “Mommy” and “Daddy” and instead say “Mom” and “Dad”? Do I still get to spend time in Dad(dy)’s lap?

And sleeping between Mommy and Daddy at night?


Mom said that me at the table reminded her a lot of Angel Lexi.

I wonder how old I will have to be to get my own seat at the table like Angel Lexi. There’s just so many things to think about now that I’m almost two.

Relax, Xena, you’ll know what to do. Everything will come in it’s own time. You will make new friends like I did with Spike here. You still have a lot to learn, and lots more treats to eat. And it doesn’t really matter what you call our folks, they will always love you, until the end of the world. 

Wow, it’s so wonderful to have a Guardian Angel as great as Lexi. She helps me a lot. Now I’m thinking about last week when it was just me and Daddy -well, and Lucy -at home alone. I saw a little white moth flying over my head, like it was saying “Hello.” I looked up at it and watched it go past, like the schnauzer in the picture on the yard flag Mommy got.

Then the little white moth flew over Lucy to say hello, and Lucy looked up too – and ate it! So far the score is Lucy-2, lizard – 0, moth – 0.

And now I’m thinking about the times lately that Lucy and I have been watching out the window and started howling together. We stop, look at each other to decide whether to continue, and usually let out one more good howl. Daddy might have recorded the last one. I’ll ask him to give it to me to show you soon. So maybe I don’t have to change anything. Maybe new things will just come while other things stay the same, just like my Angel Lexi said. I think I will just relax and go on to Freestyle practice with Mommy.

I am Xena the almost two-year-old Schnauzer Warrior Princess



Brownie Bear and the Bully Horn


Lucy: My Easter Bully Horn is all chewed up – more like shredded – at the big end. I can’t figure out what happened.
I wonder if my sister did this… I’m going to find out.

Xena, stop right there.
‘Fess up, Xena. Did you shred the end  of my bully horn?

Xena: I didn’t mess up your stupid bully horn. You probably did it yourself. Or it was Brownie Bear. You know he was trying to get it. Yeah, that’s it. You wait here for a minute and I’ll prove to you it was Brownie.

OK, Lucy, come on in. Here’s the proof.

Brownie Bear: *yawn* Where did this come from?

Lucy: Grrr. You chewed up my horn!

Brownie: I need to stay up here with you for a while, Ludwig.

Late that night, in bed…

Mommy, Lucy thought I chewed up her Bully Horn and I didn’t and I didn’t know how to make her believe me so I blamed Brownie Bear ’cause he really might have and then I might have put the horn by him while he was asleep and I was a bad girl for maybe doing that, wasn’t I? And do you believe me that I didn’t chew it up?Mommy: I love you so much, baby girl. Yes, I believe you, and you are still going to have to tell Lucy the truth about Brownie Bear and tell Brownie you’re sorry.

*yawn* I will Mommy, I promise, as soon as I wake up tomorrow.

And no more making up things that gets others in trouble, you hear?

I *yawn* promise I wo…zzzzzzzzzz

Xena Schnauzer Warrior Princess


World Parrot Day

Today we are celebrating World Parrot Day with Kismet.  She’s hosting a party and everyone is invited!

We asked Mr. Google about parrots, and here’s some of what we found:

World Parrot Day was started on May 31st 2004 by the World Parrot Trust. Its aims are to highlight the threats to captive and wild Parrots around the world. At the very first World Parrot Day the World Parrot Trust handed in a petition calling for the EU to ban the trade of wild birds in Europe. This has since come into force in 2006/2007.

What makes a parrot a parrot? The most defining and recognizable feature is a thick, hooked beak, which most species use to crack open their preferred food of nuts and seeds. They also have feet that are known as zygodactyl, meaning they are arranged in sort of an X-shape, with two toes pointing forward, and two pointing backward. This helps them hold on to tree branches, and also lets them manipulate food and other items with their claws.

A Cockatoo, but NOT Sidney

A Sidney the Cockatoo story by Lucy: Many of our lifetimes ago, Mom worked as the office /clinic manager at a veterinarian hospital. A big cockatoo named Sidney came in regularly to board, and he and Mom developed a bond. He would sit on her shoulder and they would chat while she worked at the front desk. One day he kept trying to bite her necklace. After repeatedly telling Sidney, “No!” (she was good with that word way back then, too) she said, “If you do that again you are going back in your cage.” When he laid his huge beak against her cheek she thought she was going to get bitten for sure. Instead, Sidney said, in a low voice, “Sawry,” meaning he was sorry and didn’t want to go in his cage. One time, his owner’s adult daughter brought in her dog to be boarded while Sidney was there, sitting on Mom’s shoulder. Upon asking how Sid was doing, Mom told her that he had been talking up a storm. The daughter looked more closely at him and asked, “Are you sure that’s Sidney? Sid doesn’t talk. No one in the family has ever heard him talk.” That’s when everyone realized that Mom was his favorite person. She hoped they would offer to give him to her, but that didn’t happen.

A Blue and Gold Macaw but NOT Mary Lou.

A Mary Lou the Blue and Gold Macaw story by Xena: At the same vet’s there lived a blue and gold macaw in a humungous cage. That cage was bigger than my kennel. It took at least two people to roll it up front every day. It was a trick to get that cage moved without getting bitten. Mary Lou was not a nice bird. (Unlike Kismet who invited us to her party today.) So one person would push, causing M.L. to run over to that end of the cage to try to bite the person’s fingers. That person would let go and the person at the other end would pull, causing M.L. to turn and run to that side for the same reason. They would keep doing that until that cage was moved to the front near Mommy. Mommy tried to make friends with that bird, but Mary Lou didn’t like anyone! 

I think that’s all we’ve got, but before we go I want to remind Kissie that I hung out with a bird named Pirate Pete  on Talk Like a Pirate Day and I didn’t eat him! 

Your friends, Lucy and Xena Schnauzer Warrior Princess