Where, Oh Where Could my Mommy Have Gone?

Xena: Last Friday was the anniversary of our folks being married for 12 years. We thought maybe there would be a party with presents and ice cream and cake. Instead, Mommy kept talking to me about what a good time I was going to have at my Auntie Jen’s and Uncle Bill’s. And she kept telling me to please try to be nice and cuddle with Auntie Jen, ’cause it hurts her feelings when I only want Uncle Bill to hold me. This all sounded very suspicious and I made no promises.

Lucy: Mom told me, too, at the last minute before we got in the car, and I was so excited! I was going to see my BFF Ella and my boyfriend Achilles! I could hardly wait!

Xena: It’s a three hour drive to the other side of Nashville, and our dinner was very late. By the time we got there I was so hungry that I was shaking and crying. It was two hours past my suppertime, and it wasn’t even our “fast” day.

Lucy: I was so over-the-moon excited when we got there that Mom couldn’t even get my car harness off me. Ella and Achilles and I immediately started playing. After we got our supper and settled down a bit, Xena hid in the chair with Dad. Me and Achilles had been playing kissie face, and he asked me to come over to my Dad with him, ’cause he wanted to ask Dad something.

That’s when Achilles asked Dad if he could marry me! I thought I would faint for joy. Dad thought about it for a very long minute, and finally said we could be engaged. I think that’s almost married, so I was really, really happy. Xena wants to be an old spinster, but I want to be happily married like my Mom and Dad.

Xena: I don’t know what a spinster is, but I don’t like the sounds of that and I don’t want to be one. I just want to be independent. Why do you think I hate my harness so much? So quit calling me mean names just because I don’t want to play kissie face with every boy dog that comes along. Grrr.
So back to our trip. Morty the pig has gotten so much bigger. He weighs about 70 pounds now, the same as Riley. I upset him by barking and jumping at him. Lucy and I went somewhere safe.

Is Morty gone?

Yep, it’s safe to get down.

*A little later*

Achilles: Mr. Jeff, I need to tell you something. Come closer.

Achilles: *smooch* You are the bestest ever almost father-in-law.

Next thing we knew it was morning and Mommy and Daddy were carrying suitcases and stuff and going out the door. I just knew she was leaving me when she picked me up and handed me to Uncle Bill. It was terrible. I was afraid she’d never come back.

She promised she would be back, but it has been so long. Lucy doesn’t seem to care. She’d be just as happy living here. I will let you know real soon what happens. Love, Xena the desserted.

Lucy: Oh Xena, you’re so melodramatic. But you’re probably right. You’ve got those dark spots now, and, well, who knows? (te, he, he) Love, Lucy

When Mom Deserted Us (or, I Might Get a Snake)

Xena: How could she do this? How could Mommy go away and leave me all alone all day and all night and all day again when I am in this condition?

Lucy: You aren’t alone, Xexe. I’m here and Dad’s here with you. And you’re not in a “condition.” You’re just having your big girl time. Stop being such a baby.

Xena: I’m NOT a baby. I’m a big girl. And it’s just not the same with Mommy gone. She knows I feel miserable and she deserted us. I need baby-held.

Lucy: I saw Dad baby-hold you like Mom showed him to do. And like I said…oh forget it. Mom went to Nashville to spend time with her BFF from PA. Come look at the pictures she sent. First they went to a Greek restaurant called Taziki’s, then to an art museum in Centennial Park called the Parthenon, just like in Greece. It was only $4 to go inside to see the pretty pictures because they got the “senior” discount, BOL! On the second floor they even got to visit the Goddess Athena.Xena: Is that a snake next to her?!

Lucy: Good eye, Xena.  In folklore snakes are usually depicted to be cunning creatures and, among other things,  Athena was the goddess of intelligent activity and battle strategy. You might take some lessons from her.

Xena: Phthh 

Lucy: Saturday night Mom and her friend went downtown to Music Row on Broadway Street. Mom wrote that the crowds on the sidewalks were so thick that you could hardly walk. There were street musicians and performers everywhere. They went into a restaurant called Jimmy Buffets Margaritaville for supper and entertainment…and, of course, margarita’s. Her friend even treated her to dinner for her birthday.Xena: Was Ruby the Airedale there? I hear it’s Margaritaville wherever she goes. If Ruby was there, why didn’t Mommy take me?

Lucy: Umm, I don’t think so, Xe.

On Sunday they went to the Opry Mills Mall. There was a new restaurant called the Aquarium that had a huge fish tank wrapped all around the inside of the restaurant.There was even a diver cleaning it like Mom cleans the house.

Xena: I wish she was here cleaning the house now. And holding me.

Lucy: Dad already cleaned the house as a birthday surprise for Mom. And she can’t hold you while she cleans, Xexe, you know that. Back to what I was saying. Hmm, where was I? Oh yes, restaurants. They didn’t eat there, ’cause Mom wanted her PA friend to experience real southern pulled pork with all the trimmings. So they walked through the mall to a real Southern BBQ joint and chowed down.

Xena: Now I’m hungry. When are we going to eat?

Lucy: Dad already gave us our supper. And it was more than even Mom gives us.

Xena: Yeah, well, I just hope she comes home soon. Lucy: She will be home soon, little sister. I can’t wait for her to open the card we got her:

Like I said, Dad’s fed us our supper and I am just going to take a little nap and wait.This is Lucy and Xena waiting for the deserter Mom.

PeeS: I’m thinkin’ about getting me a snake  so I can be just like Athena. ~Xena Schnauzer Goddess Princess