We’re leaving in a fast car…don’t know when we’ll be back again.*

Xena: It’s been quite a visit. I learned a few things, like what it’s like to have unwanted attention, how to let someone down easy, how good pig poop tastes…speaking of which…

three days ago in Auntie Jen’s back yard

Mom: Xena, stop eating that grass and come on in the house….Xena….do you hear me?? Xena!
Mommy walks toward me and sees this (WARNING: The next picture contains a poop image and may not be appropriate for all readers)

Yep, real, fresh pig poop. Mmmmm

Mommy: OMG, you’re eating pig poop!
Xena: Don’t freak, Mommy. Wait, why are you texting Auntie Jen? No, please don’t make me vomit, I won’t do it again (paws crossed).
As it ended up, I wasn’t forced to vomit and my tummy never even got upset! However, a couple of days later, Lucy also discovered these delectable morsels. Mommy suspected Lucy had eaten some, but since I didn’t get sick, she didn’t do anything about/to Lucy. Then at 2:58 a.m. Mommy woke up to a retching sound. One of the big dogs jumped off the bed and there was a vomiting sound. The culprit jumped back in the bed and acted like nothing had happened. Mommy finally got up and turned on the bedroom light. She saw a pile of fresh-ish meat, apple, broccoli, and some unidentifiable matter. . yep, it was Lucy’s. After that, she began cleaning the yard up every day and following us around outside.

Xena: Yesterday when Mommy opened Morty’s Bathroom Apartment door for him to come out for supper, she found this:

That’s Morty’s Teddy facedown in Morty’s used litter. Did Teddy need to go potty? Or maybe he was hungry!

Xena: That takes us to today, and boyfriend drama. *sigh*

heard very early this morning…

Achilles: I wish you wouldn’t keep your back to me, Lucy

Lucy: I wish you wouldn’t flirt with my little sister.

Later in the morning:

Ella: Hey girl. I hear you’re leaving soon. Love you, friend.

Lucy: Hey girl. I love you too, friend.

Xena: I’m sorry, Achilles, that I hurt your feelings. I want you to know it’s not you, it’s me. I just want to stay single and close to my Mommy.

Why are you looking over my shoulder, Achilles?

Achilles: Lucy! I’m so glad to see you! Ignore her. You’re my girlfriend, remember?

Lucy: Goodbye, Achilles. I’ll see you next time. I’m going to have to think about our relationship.

Achilles: Why do girl dogs have to make it all so difficult? I’m a good boy. Everyone says so. Xena is just…different. She looks and acts so different than me or Lucy. That’s why I keep looking at her. Maybe next time I can just look at Lucy and she’ll be happy.

Xena: Uh, Mommy, after my shampoo and blow dry and pedicure, I’m ready to go home and cuddle in my daddy’s lap. I’m even ready to play with Chia. I hear she and Riley have been playing a lot while we’ve been gone. I also heard she managed to get the porch screen door open and had a bit of a runabout.

Are you packed? Are we ready to go? I call dibs on the backseat kennel!

*John Denver, I’m Leaving on a Jet Plane lyrics:

All my bags are packed I’m ready to go I’m standin’ here outside your door I hate to wake you up to say goodbye But the dawn is breakin’ It’s early morn The taxi’s waitin’ He’s blowin’ his horn Already I’m so lonesome I could die So kiss me and smile for me Tell me that you’ll wait for me Hold me like you’ll never let me go ‘Cause I’m leavin’ on a jet plane Don’t know when I’ll be back again Oh babe, I hate to go There’s so many times I’ve let you down So many times I’ve played around I tell you now, they don’t mean a thing Every place I go, I’ll think of you Every song I sing, I’ll sing for you When I come back, I’ll bring your wedding ring So kiss me and smile for me Tell me that you’ll wait for me Hold me like you’ll never let me go ‘Cause I’m leavin’ on a jet plane Don’t know when I’ll be back again Oh babe, I hate to go Now the time has come to leave you One more time Let me kiss you Then close your eyes And I’ll be on my way Dream about the days to come When I won’t have to leave alone About the times, I won’t have to say Kiss me and smile for me Tell me that you’ll wait for me Hold me like you’ll never let me go ‘Cause I’m leavin’ on a jet plane Don’t know when I’ll be back again Oh babe, I hate to go But, I’m leavin’ on a jet plane Don’t know when I’ll be back again Oh babe, I hate to go.

Hard Time Helpers

Hi, this is Lucy, and since I’m the Ace Reporter in the family, I was asked to let y’all know where we are. Our Auntie Jen and Uncle Bill have to be out of town for a very difficult situation in the family involving someone they love very much. I’m not at liberty to give details. But I can tell you that Mom brought me and Xena with her on a three hour drive to take care of my BFF Ella, my boyfriend Achilles, and the pig Mortimer, aka Morty. Let’s see how it’s goings…

Lucy: When we arrived last evening around supper time, Ella was super excited to see me and I was grinning from ear to ear. It was past our supper time (we had driven to where it was an hour earlier than where we live) so Mom got right on with fixing everyone their meals. She read the instructions Auntie Jen left and had just scooped Achille’s food into his bowl when Morty the pig threw his nose up against the bottom of her hand that was holding the bowl. Kibble flew everywhere and we stood back while the race was on between Mom and Morty. Who would get the most kibble from the floor!? The kitchen floor is slick for someone who walks on hooves, so Mom was able to keep pushing Morty back, but he was determined. In the end, we think it was a tie.

After breakfast today, we all got to go outside for a while.

Mom knew to shake the treat bag when she called Morty to come in. He came running!

He got a treat for coming, then some more when he followed her back to his “bathroom apartment.”

Then Mom checked on the rest of us…

Mom: Ella, what are you doing?

Xena: She’s hunting chippies, like I do, Mommy.
Ella: Mmph, mmph.
Mom: Ella, please get your head out of there.
Lucy: After Mom made Ella move her head, it appeared that Ella had been licking dirt and stones. (Sounds more like a Chia move.) So Mom put something over the hole. That’s when Ella decided she wanted to go back in the house, too.

Lucy: I spent the whole day outside enjoying the sunshine and the grass and the big yard.

I rolled and watched birds and shared the yard with Morty and sometimes Xena and Mom, too. Achilles had to stay inside most of the time because of his allergies.

But when he was out here, he had a good time. Mom threw his toys for him to chase and he played keep away with her.

After Xena snoopervized Mom “cleaning” the yard, they both went inside, too.

Mom: Come on Xe, let’s get all those allergens off you with a nice bath. Wait, what are you doing?

Xena: I’m practicing my “back” for Freestyle. See how fast I can do it?

Mom: *catching Xena* I know you had a bath yesterday, but (and here comes those dreaded words) it’ll be good for you.

Achilles: What’s goin’ on? Xena, you gettin’ a bath?

Xena: What’s it look like, Achilles? Did you think I was running the 500 or something? Sheesh, you can be almost as big a dufus as Angel Lexi used to say Riley was.

Xena: Why do you keep staring at me?
Achilles: I like to watch.

*meanwhile*

Ella: Lucy, you might want to check out what’s going on in the bathroom.

Lucy: Achilles! What are you doing?

Why are you in here with Xena when she’s taking a bath?

Xena: He said he likes…

Achilles: *interrupting Xena* Uh, well, you see, she’s your little sister, and I like to make sure she’s OK. Looks like your Mom has everything under control and I can leave now.

Lucy: Mom, when are we going home?

Mom: Well, friends, it seems my Ace Reporter is done reporting today, so I’ll help her sign off with wags and hopes that Achilles and Lucy make up tonight.

Happy 1st Birthday, Morty

Pig age123456789
to peeps age182226303438424650

So you’re really 18 today? Are you getting your driving license? Did you register to vote? Do you get to stay out later? Do you have to get a job? So many things we want to know.

No matter what the answers are, we hope you party like it’s 1999!

WE LOVE YOU MORTY!!! Amy, Jeff, Xena and especially Lucy

On Our Way

Hey Mom, where are we going? We sure have a lot of stuff in the car and I’m packed in here pretty tight.

Really! We’re going to see my bestie Ella and my guy Achilles?

This is the rest of my birthday gift? Woohoo! Sure, we can keep celebrating Dad’s birthday too. Saturday is Auntie Jen’s birthday? Does that mean more cake?

Lucy, will you quit blabbering. I finally found a way to travel where I feel safe, and now I have to listen to all this. I’m trying to nap cause there’s going to be a lot to bark at when we get there.

Are we there yet?

Check back soon to find out how much Morty has grown and if Ella is still queen of her domain.

Christmas Eve Eve

Lucy: My bestie Ella and my guy, Achilles came with my Uncle Bill and Auntie Jen to spend Christmas with us. Morty the pig came too. I loved having them all here. Morty made himself right at home.

Morty is 9 months old, so he’s still a baby even though he has grown a lot since we saw him last. He’s now 21 pounds and a little bigger than Xena.

Xena’s new favorite place is between the otto man and the love seat. It didn’t take Morty long to discover this cave-like area and try to claim it as his own. Xena was laying there with Mom’s legs over her, spanning the gap between the love seat and otto man when Morty entered the tunnel and laid down facing Xena.

He kept creeping closer to her, and she got scared and backed around the corner away from him.

Xena: I wasn’t scared! I was just practicing safe pig. Not like you were doing, Lucy. We all saw you kiss him with your tongue halfway down his throat! Mom just wasn’t quick enough to get a picture of it.

Lucy: It’s not what it looked like! I was just trying to give him a little hello kiss on the snout when he opened his mouth in a big yawn.

Anyhoo, the peeps sat around talking the first night, and it got kind of boring.

So Ella decided to turn the attention on her, while Achilles sought attention from his Dad.

Hi Uncle Jeff. Do you remember me, Queen Ella?
Ella: Hold still and let go of me, I want to kiss you!

Achilles: Ella, let me show you the way to do it.

You’ve gotta get your paws up around his neck and lean in. Aghh! He’s got me by the ears!

Xena: While they were attacking my Daddy, I cuddled up in my Uncle Bill’s arms. (I knew Daddy could take care of himself–he’s big and strong and my hero.)

I love Uncle Bill and he held and pet me until I was so tired that I had to lay on the floor and go to sleep cause no one would go to bed with me. Besides that, I could see Achilles running back and forth around our bed looking for my basket of stuffies that Mommy had put up. We found out that he is another stuffie killer, just like Riley. You sure know how to pick them, Lucy.

Lucy: He’s just got that one little fault…

Lucy and Xena: Come back tomorrow for Christmas Eve adventures, when we (Xena, Lucy, Mom and Dad) are left alone all day with Morty (and Ella and Achilles). XOX Lucy and Xena Schnauzer Warrior Princess

A Successful Piglet Visit

First there was my meet and greet with Morty in his rope harness.

Then we did a proper “Hello, I will be your friend.”

Next, it was Lucy’s turn.

Lucy: I finally got to sniff someone else’s bee hind.

Morty enjoyed grazing on our clover, so Lucy thought it would make him feel more at home if she joined him.

We discovered that Morty loves his belly rubbed, just like us.

It started getting really hot, so we all came in the house. Daddy had paid someone to come fix our air conditioning, so it was much cooler. Soon, Morty left with his folks because he was going to be the star at a child’s birthday party. (He didn’t want to wear Angel Lexi’s star hat, either.)

After 87 hours they all came back and it was suppertime. We watched – with fascination – how Morty eats.

That’s water in the blue bowl, and piggy food mixed with fresh veggies in his food dish.

Morty, Ella, Achilles, Aunty Jen and Uncle Bill have to leave soon, so we’ll finish telling you all about our visit tomorrow.

XOX Lucy and Xena Schnauzer Warrior Princess

Has Riley become a pig? (No, really)

Does anyone remember my ex-brother-traitor-who-moved-away Riley? He was so persnickety that he wouldn’t walk in the grass when it was wet. He wouldn’t go into the dog lot because he thought it was too nasty. He spent hours grooming himself like a cat, chewing the hair from between his paw pads, licking every last bit of dirt from between his toes and gnawing his nails to a perfect length. His lick, lick, lick drove me to distraction. Now, he has moved to North Carolina and either discovered he is really a pig, decided to give up and just be a dog, or is trying to fit in with the pigs. I give up, you decide.

First, the half ton pig Tulip:

Now, Riley:

Whatever he is thinking, he sure does look happy! Way to go, bro!