Grounded Again

                           Lucy: Mom says we really went and did it this time. 

Xena: Yep, but that was only after she could talk again.

Lucy: I thought I saw her head spin clear around, she was so mad.

Xena: I think she was spitting venom while her eyes rolled back.

Lucy: And fire was shooting out of her nose. That’s why I stayed up in the chair and tried to look innocent.

Xena: I just hid in the corner of my kennel until she slammed the house door and left. 

Lucy: Here’s what happened. Last week we got to run outside in the front yard every day. It was so much fun!

Can you see how fast we ran? We played bitey-face, too. 

Xena: It was great until Mommy got another part-time job, one where I can’t go with her. So now I only get to go on Mondays and Thursdays, and have to stay in my kennel the rest of the days when she is gone to work. That started the middle of last week, and that’s the morning this all happened…before she went for her first day at this job-without-me. She must have been mad about having to go to another job.

Lucy: Mmm, I don’t think so, Xena. I think it’s ’cause we ran off into the woods by the house instead of staying in the front yard with her. Then we didn’t come back when she called us.

Xena: No, Lucy. You ran off. I just followed you. Then there was so much to smell on the ground, I didn’t hear her calling. Mommy says us schnauzers go nose deaf. 

Lucy: Whatever, Xena. The point is, we were both off in the woods where Mom could hear us but mostly not see us and she said there’s poison ivy back there, too. And she thought she was going to be late to work on her first day because we wouldn’t listen to her. 

Xena: I went back to her. But then I thought I had better go get you and ran off again. It’s probably all your fault.

Lucy: Mom said we had better keep these pictures where we can see them, ’cause that’s the closest we are getting to running around loose out front again until her life on this earth is over. That was after she said some HBO words.

Xena: Look, Lucy, I can run as fast as you! I run so fast the hair on my face blows back into my eyes. 

Lucy: Hmm. Maybe we can use that as an excuse. We were running so fast that we couldn’t see we weren’t in the yard anymore. 

Mom: Forget it, girls. You are so totally grounded.

We are Lucy and Xena, the GroundeduntilH*llfreezesoverand-thereisnomorelifeleftonearthGirls

 

 

Is There a Dog In There?

Hi friends. This is Lucy with another episode of Grooming with Mommy. When Bella was carried in the door, none of us were really sure if there was a dog inside all that hair.

Then she stuck out her tongue at us and Mom knew she had some tough grooming to do. Bella was here almost a year ago, and hasn’t been groomed since. Mom said she was in the same condition the first time, too – matted to the skin, nails super long, and stinky stuff stuck under her tail. Then, something like a miracle happened.

Bella: I think I’m naked.

Hey, I like how my beard tastes after getting shampooed.

I can’t wait for my Mom and Dad to see me. I hear them coming up the driveway!

Love and wiggles, Lucy

Pee Ess: Xena and I hope all you mothers out there had very Happy Mother’s Day. We love you!!

WTD Is Mom Grooming?

Hi there friends. Today I present another episode of Grooming with Mom. Only this time, you won’t believe who (or what) she groomed.

It’s a tiny…

…Chewbacca.

I’m outa here.

Love and wiggles, Lucy

 

Car Prison

Let me start by saying that last week Mom and I were about 1/2 second away from being killed in our car. No, I am not exaggerating. We were driving home from work on Tuesday, up a 4 lane road with a center lane for turning. Coming toward us was a sleek black car, going at least 70 mph  in a 45 mph zone (per Mom). Without slowing, it moved into the turn lane and kept on coming. It barely missed the rear of our car and slammed into the side of the car right behind us. Then other cars slammed into them. Mom pulled into a gas station and called 911. I heard her say to send ambulances, too. It shook her up so much that now she gets nervous every time a car pulls into the center lane to turn. I was in the front seat with her like usual, and Mom decided right then and there that was going to change.

You may remember that when I was a very young pup Mom tried various methods of “restraining” me in the car, supposedly “for my own good.” The most (in)famous one was this:You can read about it with more pictures here. I am happy to report she got her money back.

Last week she decided that I am finally big enough to wear Lexi’s car safety harness. Not only did I have to wear a seat belt, but I had to ride in the back seat of the car.

Mom said I look so much like her precious Lexi in these pictures, it brings tears to her eyes. I said maybe she would feel better if she let me sit up front again. She said no. 

I am Xena the Safe Schnauzer Warrior Princess

Sweetheart Bear Goes on Vacation

Mom and Dad went on a weekend vacation without us. Mom said she meant to leave Sweetheart at home with us, but that naughty bear hid in the back seat of the car behind the cooler. They’re back, and I’m going to make Sweetheart tell me where they went and what happened while they were there.She ‘fessed up right away. They drove to a big cabin in the woods and slept late ’cause we weren’t there to get them up. Daddy cooked all their meals and made lots of good drinks that we aren’t old enough to drink. They were sweet and some even had ice cream in them.

Mommy made a dump cake for dessert and they broke their “no sugar” rule all weekend!

Sweetheart visited with the bear living in the children’s room. Her new friend read a Dr. Seuss book to her. It is called Oh, the Places You’ll Go!

I don’t know how she got up so high to explore the big shelf in the living room.

Daddy had to help her get down, so she stayed with him while he took a little chair nap.

Then she went upstairs to Mommy and Daddy’s bedroom and took a little bed nap herself. She said there were three beds, and this is one was ju-u-ust right.

When she woke up, she sat at the bottom of the bed looking out the window at all the trees and listening to the noisy, bubbling creek down below. She  wondered if there were any big black bears in those woods.

When she went out to check for bears she found a gnome who is related to the gnomes at Rock City. He played Sweetheart a little tune.Then he asked her to give his kinfolk his love when she goes to Rocktober Fest this year with me, Xena. Hmm, I wonder why she thinks she is going to get to go with me.Lucy: Sweetheart had a wonderful time on vacation, and she wants me to ask if you are done forcing her to ‘fess up. 

Yep. I’m done. And I don’t think we should tell the folks about how much fun we had with our sitter, Miss Christy. How ’bout if we just let them feel bad that they deserted us. After all, we are a happy pack again.

Love and wiggles from Lucy and screams of joy from the schnauzer warrior princess Xena

What I Saw Lucy Doing

Look what I saw Lucy doing:She’s DROOLING! Then she sucked it back up into her mouth! E-ewww.

And again, on our first time at the dog park: Ha, ha, ha, caught you, Lucy.

Lucy: Sometimes I don’t like you very much, Xena. You need to try to be nicer.

I am Xena the Schnauzer Warrior Princess with the Grossly Drooling Sister

Tug o’ War

Mommy tried to steal my rope toy, but I hung on.

I won!

I am Xena the Schnauzer Warrior Princess

Co-Authoring Hodge Podge

Xena: Lucy and I decided to try to write something together, as co-authors. You know, like Stephen King and Dean Koontz. Yep, that’s us; I’ll be King and Lucy can have Koontzies, he, he, he.

Lucy: Xena, sometimes you just give me a headache.

Xena: Did you know Mommy went and  paid to have her boobies squished? I try to do that for free for her every morning when I catch her laying on her back, but all she does is groan and turn over. Sheesh. I’ll try again tomorrow to see if she has suddenly decided she likes it. Just like she keeps putting coconut oil in my food bowl to see if I changed my mind about eating it. I bet her answer will be the same as mine.

Lucy: Maybe that’s why Mom rubbed the coconut oil all over you, since you won’t eat it.Xena: Not that it did me any good with you licking it all off of me. I couldn’t get away from you, and the folks were laughing too hard to help me.

Lucy: I heard Mom say now you know what it feels like when you lick off all the lotion she puts on her hands or legs.

Xena: Yeah, well…I like my new kennel. It’s right by the back door window so I can look outside whenever I want. And you can’t bother me or take my stuff. It’s my safe place. Lucy: You mean so you can take my stuff! I could come in there if I wanted to…I just don’t want to. *harumph* And oh yeah, I almost forgot. You go brain-dead when you’re near that kennel.

Xena: Do not, Lucy the Koontzie!

Lucy: Do too! You were playing in your kennel when Dad got home the other night and you went crazy, jumping up and down with your pogo stick legs, and screaming for him to get you out. You forgot the door was open!

Xena: Well, I…

Lucy: Oh, oh, and what about last week when the kennel door was open and you were digging at the side to try to get Brownie Bear out? All you had to do was walk in and get him!

Xena: Hey, can anyone guess what’s all over my face? Clue: I just ate lunch.It’s in my mouth, too, he, he. OK, here’s a better picture…Did you guess white wall paper? If so, you’re wrong! Ha, ha, ha. Did you guess egg shell? Yes! Mommy got some farm-fresh eggs at the farmers market over the weekend. If you guessed right, you won an all-expense paid trip to…

Lucy: Xena! Stop! You can’t promise something that you can’t deliver!

Xena: I’m not delivering, silly Lucy with Koontzies. They have to go there themselves.

Lucy: This headache is getting worse. I’m going to put on my happy face, pretend I didn’t hear that, and sing everyone a song, just like you did, Xena *whispers* only better.Is everyone ready? (Oh, I’m a bit nervous.) Here we go. All y’all can sing along if you want.

(Warning: turn down your sound)

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

I come home in the morning light
My mother says when you gonna live your life right
Oh mother dear we’re not the fortunate ones
And girls they wanna have fun
Oh girls just want to have fun

The phone rings in the middle of the night
My father yells what you gonna do with your life
Oh daddy dear you know you’re still number one
But girls they wanna have fun
Oh girls just want to have

That’s all they really want
Some fun
When the working day is done
Oh girls, they wanna have fun
Oh girls just wantna have fun (girls and boys wanna have fun, girls wanna have)

Some boys take a beautiful girl
And hide her away from the rest of the world
I want to be the one to walk in the sun
Oh girls they wanna have fun
Oh girls just wanna have

That’s all they really want
Some fun…

We are Xena and Lucy (and I don’t have Koontzies)

Please Be Careful

I saw this and thought I should warn everyone who lives with a cat. Please be careful.

In case you couldn’t read what’s on this picture, I will tell you, ’cause it’s impawtant:

Bringing you dead animals: This isn’t a gift, it’s a warning.

Staring contests: If you get caught in a staring contest with a cat, do not look away. Looking away will signal to your cat that you are weak, and an attack is likely to follow.

Sprinting at light speed out of any room you enter: When your cat does this, it’s actually a failed ambush.

Kneading on you: You may think this is a sign of affection, but your cat is actually checking your internal organs for weaknesses.

Hiding in dark places and watching you: Your cat will often hide in order to study you in your natural habitat.

Throwing up grass: Through this painful feeding and purging process, cats prepare their bodies and minds for combat.

Sleeping on your electronics: Humans have superior technology. Your cat knows this and will attempt to disrupt all communications to the outside world.

Pawing at your face while you sleep: Cats aren’t very good at smothering people, but this won’t keep them from trying.

Excessive shoveling of kitty litter: After using the litter box, your cat endlessly kicks litter around, most of it ending up all over the room. This is practice for burying bodies.

MOM: Lucy! What are you doing? Don’t you know a lot of our friends are cats? What about Siddhartha Henry, or Madi, or Shoko? Do you think they are like this?

What? They’re cats?

MOM: Of course they’re cats. What did you think they were, dogs?

Well…. *shame-faced* I, I guess I never thought about it. I mean, they’re nice and I like them and I never thought about them being any different than me. I hope I didn’t offend anyone.

I am Lucy, the apologetic.

Can Xena Keep Up

Lucy misses her guy Riley, so Xena does her best to fill in. Since the temperature on Easter Day was almost 80 F/26C, Lucy and Xena did some front yard zoomies in the sunshine.

Xena’s Visitor

Xena: Hi Ludwig. Why are you wearing my walking vest?

It is because Das Mommy has invited me home for Easter holiday.

Xena: Really? That’s great! You’ll get to meet my big sister Lucy and, and (quietly) you might like her…more than you like me… and then… No, no, Ludwig, you wouldn’t like it at my house at all! Not at all! Lucy might eat you. You’ve gotta tell Mommy you can’t come. But that would be rude, lovely Prinzessin. You must not ask me to do that.

A few minutes later…

Xena: So this is my car, Herr Ludwig. It’s name is T-Lex after my Angel Sister Lexi. It goes really fast, but you mustn’t be afraid. You can look out the windows and see other cars and people and buildings and all kinds of stuff.

This is fun, Prinzessin Xena. I would like to have a T-Lex also.  It is wunderbar.

Xena: Ludwig, wake up! We’re almost home.

Xena: First the important stuff. This is the toy basket. Those are my toys. Understand? My toys.I have no need of toys, beautiful Xena. After all, I have you.

Lucy: Who is your friend, Xena? Can I play with him?

Xena: No! Er, I mean, I’m showing Ludwig around, so please don’t bother us right now. Why don’t you go see if our supper is ready? And ask Mommy to set a place for Ludwig, too.

 

3 hours later…

Xena: What am I gonna do, Lucy?I don’t know, Xena. He’s your problem. You brought him home and told me to stay away from him. All I know is this is my bed and you can’t sleep here.

I am Xena, the Schnauzer Warrior Princess with nowhere to lay my head.

A Vet Visit and a Lesson on DNA HW Testing

Xena: How did you like your  bath, Lucy? This is the first one I ever saw you get.

Lucy: It wasn’t bad, especially with Mom in the tub with me. And I want to be clean and smell good to go visit my friends at the vet’s. I even got a pretty scarf.Lucy and Xena: Is it time to go yet, Mom?

Xena: Hey back there! Lucy! What are they going to do to us when we get there?

Lucy: Hmm, I think they’re going to pet us and give us treats.

40 minutes later

Lucy: Hi nice vet lady. What’s your name and where did they take my little sister? Tell the other nice lady to not give her treats. She gave me a treat and Mom yelled at her. Well, she didn’t exactly yell. But Mom told her I’m not allowed to have those kind ’cause of me being on the raw diet. I don’t want the other lady to get in trouble with my Mom.

Dr. Karen: Lucy, sweetheart, you don’t have to worry about Xena getting treats. We are taking a little bit of blood from her leg, just like we’re going to do with you. It doesn’t hurt much, just a quick pinch. 

Lucy: Why are you stealing our blood?

Dr. Karen: Your Mom asked us to do a DNA Heartworm test. That way you don’t have to take heartworm prevention, because it lets us know even if there are tiny little baby heartworms in your blood. If there are, one shot will kill them. The difference between this and what’s called the occult test is the occult heartworm test only lets us know if the heartworms have grown up and are around your heart. Then it is hard and dangerous to kill them. So we are going to do this every 5 1/2 months to make sure you and your little sister are safe from the big bad heartworms.

A little later, after blood is drawn and bill is paid.

Lucy: Wasn’t that fun, Xena? We got new friends and we’re going home now. I lost over five pounds, too. I weigh 51 point 7 pounds. And I heard them say you are up to 15 pounds! You are getting to be a big girl, Xexe. 

Xena: They also squirted some medicine in my mouth (bordetella) and stuck another needle in my butt (3-year rabies). Yep. Fun. *sigh* I’m going to sleep now. Wake me when we get home.

Mom’s note: I started asking myself, “Why am I poisoning my dog every month?” And of course, my answer was so that she didn’t get heartworms, as well as fleas and ticks.  Then I found out about DNA testing for heartworms. It catches any that are present while still in the early stages (microfilea), and they can easily be killed with one shot of ivermectin. The DNA HW test must be repeated every 5 1/2 months. The cost is also less or the same as monthly heartworm prevention, depending on what your dog weighs. I urge you to read about it here. There is also a recipe for all natural flea and tick prevention, as well as mosquito repellent, using essential oils.

I feel like I am slowly navigating my way through a “brave, new world,” defying all the traditional ways our veterinarians are taught to care for our dogs and cats, and learning new, safer ways to keep them safe; ways that my holistic vet wholly embraces. I feel very blessed and less alone to have Dr. Karen by my side on this new journey with my girls.

Happy Birthday Madi

Today for Madi’s 16th Birthday Celebration, Mom will tell about how she learned to drive.

Xena: *yawn*

My Grandma was afraid to teach Mom, so she hired a professional driving teacher when Mom was 17. He said she was “a natural” and she passed her driving test the first time.

Xena: Seriously? People get paid to teach people how to drive? It just doesn’t look that hard. Push a stick here, turn a wheel there, move your feet around, and voilà, we are where we are going. Kind of sounds like a Dr. Seuss story, doesn’t it? 

Don’t interrupt me, Xena. Where was I? Oh yes. Just a year or so sooner and Mom would have learned in the family ’54 Buick Century. The seats were blue, so Grandma called it Blue Belle. Grandma had to get another car because of all the salt on the roads to melt the snow. The salt killed that big, heavy car. Even its eyes fell in. This is a picture of what it looked like (credit to Mr. Google). 

Xena: No wonder Mommy doesn’t let us have much salt. Uh, Lucy, isn’t that Angel Lexi in the back seat? Was she with Mom way back then?

Um, I don’t think so, Xe. We’ll have to check with Mom about that.

Here’s a picture from January, 1960, of the actual car with my Grandma and her sister in front of the apartment where Mom grew up. 

Xena: Wait, Lucy. Who is that running from behind the bush?

*eyes wide* Let’s just keep going.

When Mom got a boyfriend…

Xena: Mommy got a boyfriend? Really? You’re fibbing, Luce. Mommy would never have a boyfriend. She’s married to Daddy.

When Mom got her first boyfriend a long time before she met Dad, he taught her how to drive something called a straight shift in his old Chevy Nova. We have another picture of what it looked like, courtesy again of Mr. Google. Mom says it was old and beat up and had red seats and didn’t look nearly that good.

Here’s the funny part. Her boyfriend lived out in the country with lots of woods. One part had a dirt track around it, so he showed Mom how to change gears and told her to just drive around the track. She got going too fast and forgot which foot to use for the brake ’cause there were now three pedals instead of two. This silly boy stood in the track waving his arms and yelling at her to stop. She didn’t want to run him over so she swerved into the woods and the car bumped over rocks and big sticks and barely missed trees until it finally stalled out on top of a log. A few days later, after he fixed his car, he took Mom into town and told her to drive his car around while he went into a store. The main road, State Street, was on a bit of a hill. Mom had stopped at a red light, and the car behind her kept running into her bumper. Finally, the man got out of his car and came up to Mom’s window. He explained that it was her drifting back into him, and did she have her foot on the break. She said no, just on the clutch. So that’s how Mom learned to drive a stick shift.

Xena: I think I will just learn to drive our T-Lex. 

Our what?

Xena: Our T-Lex. That’s what Mommy named the car she bought for Angel Lexi before Lexi was an Angel. It’s a Toyota Lexus, hence T-Lex. Isn’t Mommy funny, he, he? How old do I have to be to drive?

I think 16 years old.

Xena: Oh. Well let’s just wish Madi of Madi and Mom a very, very happy 16th birthday, and happy driving!

Lots of love from Lucy, Xena and Mom

This is a blog hop, but since Mom isn’t smart enough can never get linked up properly, just hop over to Madi and Mom’s blog to leave your birthday wishes and hop along.

Lucy’s Dr. Seussism

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Life Imitating Art

When Life Imitates Art

Lucy’s First Valentine

Just when I was feeling really low ’cause of my (ex)boyfriend skipping out on me, a very handsome kittie with a heart as big as Texas (or Canada) put a smile on my face and wag in my tail. Purrince Siddhartha Henry sent me my first ever Valentine’s Day Card.

Yes! I will be your Valentine, Siddhartha Henry. (I think that will make me your Purrincess for the day.)

With love always,

Lucy

When It’s Over

This week, Andrew brought Riley over to spend the day with me. I think Andrew saw what I wrote about missing Riley, so he left him for the afternoon and evening to visit. I was pretty excited to see my guy.

Riley didn’t seem as happy to see me, though. All he wanted to do was chew on my bully horn…the one I got for Christmas.

 

When it got to be bedtime, I didn’t stay in the library with him like I usually do. I lifted my head and went to bed with Mom and Dad.

When it’s over, it’s over. Dad gives Mom red wine and chocolate when she’s sad or upset. Maybe I can get in on that program. For now, I think I’ll just stand in this sunbeam.

Love and wiggles, Lucy

Disappointments

Super Bowl Sunday

That doesn’t look like soup. Where’s our souper bowl, Mommy?

Can me and Lucy have some anyhow?

Xena: This is a gyp. That TV’s making too much racket.I wish they’d shut it off.

Lucy: I wish Riley was here.

We hope someone got some good soup on Sunday (and got to see their bestie).

Xena and Lucy

 

Hopeful Lucy

I’ve had what Mom calls the doldrums since my Riley left. I haven’t seen or heard from him for at least 87 days. Him and Andrew went away and their room is cleaned out and I can’t even smell him anymore. This is the last I saw of him, walking away from me.

I sure do miss my Riley, but Mom says I need to move on. She says there’s plenty more dogs where he came from.  In other words, she explained, he’s not the only dog on the block. I think she’s trying to tell me that I could have another boyfriend if I wanted.

I’m feeling pretty low, and I know Valentine’s Day is next week. (I’m available).

A little bit about me:

I don’t hunt cause the guns would scare me but I sure can chase a squirrel faster than lightening. I’ve never had a chance to go fishing but I bet I would like it ’cause I love to splash in puddles. I’m a play puppy and a cuddler. I never want to fight or have anyone mad at me. I am OK sharing my food and water. I am a svelt 56 pounds (and large chested). All I really need is love and attention and to be treated well, and I will be yours forever. So, does anyone want to be my boyfriend? At least for this month?

Love and half-wiggles,

A hopeful Lucy

 

 

Snow and My New Bedtime Equipment

 

Did I tell you it did something called snow here on Tuesday? We left work early before the white stuff started falling out of the sky.

It’s time to go home already? I haven’t had my lunch!

Later, when me and Lucy went outside to potty, there was snow all over the ground. I didn’t like it much, but I did what I had to and went back in the house. Lucy had seen snow when she went to Ill in Noise with Daddy over Christmas. She didn’t seem to like it much either.

“What the dog is this stuff? Oh yeah, I remember now.”

“Let me in! It’s not supposed to do this here.”

The next morning we went to work late, so Mommy used the time to make me another shirt just like the first one, but it’s a large instead of a medium. She’s gotten faster, too. The first one took 3 1/2 hours. This one only took about 1 1/2 hours! I am wearing it in the picture of me (at the top).

Mommy didn’t want the Looster to be jealous of all my fine new clothes, but she can’t find a pattern big enough for her. Instead, she ordered her a new coat from Mrs. Amazon. It is a late birthday present, since the Smart Pet place didn’t have any to fit her, either.

It’s got snaps underneath and the big fleece collar is her hood that snaps on and off. It will keep her warm when it gets cold outside again. Maybe she will stop pulling my sweater off me now!

Finally, here’s my surprise…my new bedtime equipment:

This is what’s called a game-changer. Or steps. They used to belong to Angel Lexi, but that’s me on them now. I don’t have to wake Dad up to put me back in bed anymore. I go zoom! up and down so fast, maybe it is part of my super powers!

I am Xena the Schnauzer Princess Warrior with bed steps