Xena here. Something bad happened. Our Uncle Bill’s Mommy fell down really hard. Her hip broke, and so did her leg, and her shoulder shattered. She is very old, and we feel very bad for her. So first, before we go any further, we want to ask for POTP for Miss Pat.
Our Aunty Jen and Uncle Bill drove the three hours from their home near Nashville to be with Miss Pat right after she fell. That’s why Achilles and Ella got to stay with us. Aunty Jen left them at our house while my folks were gone teaching a ballroom dance class. She locked Achilles in the new, gigormous kennel, and Ella took over Xena’s kennel. (That was to ensure that Ella and Lucy didn’t go on another destruction spree.) Achilles
When Mommy and Daddy got home an hour later, Achilles met them at the door. He really is Achilles-dini.
Ella was still in Xena’s kennel, and pitifully asked Mommy why she had to be in jail. Shortly after Mommy let her out she projectile vomited the little bit of kibble left in her tummy.
Mommy went up to the attic to pull out more dog beds. You can see that Angel Lexi’s bed got covered with red fuzz from my red blankie that was in the wash with it. The plan was for Achilles to sleep there because it is the bigger bed. Since he wouldn’t settle down, Ella claimed it. Silly girl, she didn’t even use most of the bed. I guess her head felt good on the floor.
The next day my folks had to go to work, so they jailed both of our guests. When Mommy got home (you know this is going to be bad, starting off like that, right?) Achilles-dini was loose again, but the door to the kennel was still locked. That is still a mystery. Now, here’s the bad part. The smell about knocked Mommy over. The big boy had left a steaming present in Daddy’s office, and I had to be in the house and smell steaming Achilles-dini poop all afternoon! *gag* Wait! There’s more! We couldn’t walk through the house without stepping in Achilles-dini pee. He left puddles and trails. I couldn’t believe Mommy wasn’t mad. She said it is because he drinks huge bowls of water all at once because he is so hot from his allergies. He takes medicine, but it doesn’t help enough.
Achilles-dini also decided the pretty hanging bulbs on the Christmas tree (yes, we still have our tree up in the front room because it make Mommy feel good) anyhow, he decided they are good to eat. No one has died – or even gotten yelled at (much) – yet.
Oh, and one more thing. I had a talk with Achilles. I told him in no-uncertain-terms that Lucy already has a boyfriend and he isn’t to be kissing on her. He understood and said OK, he could respect that.
BB, you know I have been called a “snitch,” but I can snitch on good things too, right? So here goes: Lucy behaved herself around Achilles-dini. Mommy is a notary public, and I will have her notarize my statement if you want, to prove it is true.
Our friends are going home today, and, until then, our folks are taking turns leaving the house for work and errands.
Xena Schnauzer Warrior Princess, the good snitch
Today, Ace Reporter Lucy on the Groom Beat. First, we have Roxxii. Isn’t she a doll? Mom did what she calls a “Winter Groom,” leaving her body and leg hair long to help her stay warm.
Her Mom had to leave her for three hours while she worked, so Roxxii came upstairs to stay with us.Xena: Who are you and why are you here? I play bowed and you didn’t respond. Don’t even think about taking my Mommy or stealing my food or my pressies from under the tree.
Roxxii: I hadn’t thought about any of those things until you mentioned them, schnauzer dog. Where are the pressies? I don’t see any.
Xena: Just never mind. I already hid my reindeer when I saw you coming.
30 minutes later after Roxxii ran all over the house looking for Xena’s reindeer…Roxxii: I want my Mommy.
Meanwhile, downstairs in the grooming room…Dora the shih tzu: Maggie, did you see if that other dog ever came back? What happened to her?
Maggie the schnauzer: I don’t know, Dora, but I’ll protect you.
Maggie: Miss Amy, where did that other dog go? Is she staying with you while her Mom and Dad go away like we stayed a few weeks ago? Is she OK?
Dora: (As their Mom pulls into the driveway) Can we go home now, Miss Amy? Are we staying with you again, too? I really want to go home.
Angel Lexi: There’s no place like home.
Well, I seem to have totally lost control of my article, so I guess that’s all for today, folks. Wags and wiggles from Lucy, Ace Reporter who needs a lock on her computer.
Xena: Daddy and brother Adam put up a big thing that looks like a tree right in the house! Xena: Lucy was scared, but I wasn’t scared at all!
Lucy: It looked like a tree, but it didn’t smell like a tree. Then Mom put all these lights and other stuff on it, so it didn’t really even look like a tree any more. I still don’t know what it is.
Xena: So what did it look like, Lucy?
Lucy: *whispers* A giant monster.
Xena: Well, sitting in front of the monster got us treats, so it couldn’t be all bad. Am I right? Then Mommy found some fun stuff in the plastic bins.This is the Christmas gorilla. I think I will name him Grod, like on our favorite Netflix show, The Flash. Only our Grod will be a nice ape.I promise I won’t hurt Grod, Mommy. Can I keep him? He’s my new friend, and I’m not afraid of him.
I am Xena Schnauzer Warrior Princess and Keeper of Grod.
I am Lucy and I’m staying in the other room away from the giant monster.
Hi friends. This is Lucy with another episode of Grooming with Mommy. When Bella was carried in the door, none of us were really sure if there was a dog inside all that hair.
Then she stuck out her tongue at us and Mom knew she had some tough grooming to do. Bella was here almost a year ago, and hasn’t been groomed since. Mom said she was in the same condition the first time, too – matted to the skin, nails super long, and stinky stuff stuck under her tail. Then, something like a miracle happened.
Bella: I think I’m naked.
Hey, I like how my beard tastes after getting shampooed.
I can’t wait for my Mom and Dad to see me. I hear them coming up the driveway!
Love and wiggles, Lucy
Pee Ess: Xena and I hope all you mothers out there had very Happy Mother’s Day. We love you!!
Hi there friends. Today I present another episode of Grooming with Mom. Only this time, you won’t believe who (or what) she groomed.
It’s a tiny…
I’m outa here.
Love and wiggles, Lucy
Look what I saw Lucy doing:She’s DROOLING! Then she sucked it back up into her mouth! E-ewww.
And again, on our first time at the dog park: Ha, ha, ha, caught you, Lucy.
Lucy: Sometimes I don’t like you very much, Xena. You need to try to be nicer.
I am Xena the Schnauzer Warrior Princess with the Grossly Drooling Sister
Xena: Lucy and I decided to try to write something together, as co-authors. You know, like Stephen King and Dean Koontz. Yep, that’s us; I’ll be King and Lucy can have Koontzies, he, he, he.
Lucy: Xena, sometimes you just give me a headache.
Xena: Did you know Mommy went and paid to have her boobies squished? I try to do that for free for her every morning when I catch her laying on her back, but all she does is groan and turn over. Sheesh. I’ll try again tomorrow to see if she has suddenly decided she likes it. Just like she keeps putting coconut oil in my food bowl to see if I changed my mind about eating it. I bet her answer will be the same as mine.
Lucy: Maybe that’s why Mom rubbed the coconut oil all over you, since you won’t eat it.Xena: Not that it did me any good with you licking it all off of me. I couldn’t get away from you, and the folks were laughing too hard to help me.
Lucy: I heard Mom say now you know what it feels like when you lick off all the lotion she puts on her hands or legs.
Xena: Yeah, well…I like my new kennel. It’s right by the back door window so I can look outside whenever I want. And you can’t bother me or take my stuff. It’s my safe place. Lucy: You mean so you can take my stuff! I could come in there if I wanted to…I just don’t want to. *harumph* And oh yeah, I almost forgot. You go brain-dead when you’re near that kennel.
Xena: Do not, Lucy the Koontzie!
Lucy: Do too! You were playing in your kennel when Dad got home the other night and you went crazy, jumping up and down with your pogo stick legs, and screaming for him to get you out. You forgot the door was open!
Xena: Well, I…
Lucy: Oh, oh, and what about last week when the kennel door was open and you were digging at the side to try to get Brownie Bear out? All you had to do was walk in and get him!
Xena: Hey, can anyone guess what’s all over my face? Clue: I just ate lunch.It’s in my mouth, too, he, he. OK, here’s a better picture…Did you guess white wall paper? If so, you’re wrong! Ha, ha, ha. Did you guess egg shell? Yes! Mommy got some farm-fresh eggs at the farmers market over the weekend. If you guessed right, you won an all-expense paid trip to…
Lucy: Xena! Stop! You can’t promise something that you can’t deliver!
Xena: I’m not delivering, silly Lucy with Koontzies. They have to go there themselves.
Lucy: This headache is getting worse. I’m going to put on my happy face, pretend I didn’t hear that, and sing everyone a song, just like you did, Xena *whispers* only better.Is everyone ready? (Oh, I’m a bit nervous.) Here we go. All y’all can sing along if you want.
(Warning: turn down your sound)
I saw this and thought I should warn everyone who lives with a cat. Please be careful.
In case you couldn’t read what’s on this picture, I will tell you, ’cause it’s impawtant:
Bringing you dead animals: This isn’t a gift, it’s a warning.
Staring contests: If you get caught in a staring contest with a cat, do not look away. Looking away will signal to your cat that you are weak, and an attack is likely to follow.
Sprinting at light speed out of any room you enter: When your cat does this, it’s actually a failed ambush.
Kneading on you: You may think this is a sign of affection, but your cat is actually checking your internal organs for weaknesses.
Hiding in dark places and watching you: Your cat will often hide in order to study you in your natural habitat.
Throwing up grass: Through this painful feeding and purging process, cats prepare their bodies and minds for combat.
Sleeping on your electronics: Humans have superior technology. Your cat knows this and will attempt to disrupt all communications to the outside world.
Pawing at your face while you sleep: Cats aren’t very good at smothering people, but this won’t keep them from trying.
Excessive shoveling of kitty litter: After using the litter box, your cat endlessly kicks litter around, most of it ending up all over the room. This is practice for burying bodies.
MOM: Lucy! What are you doing? Don’t you know a lot of our friends are cats? What about Siddhartha Henry, or Madi, or Shoko? Do you think they are like this?
What? They’re cats?
MOM: Of course they’re cats. What did you think they were, dogs?
Well…. *shame-faced* I, I guess I never thought about it. I mean, they’re nice and I like them and I never thought about them being any different than me. I hope I didn’t offend anyone.
I am Lucy, the apologetic.
Xena: Hi Ludwig. Why are you wearing my walking vest?
It is because Das Mommy has invited me home for Easter holiday.
Xena: Really? That’s great! You’ll get to meet my big sister Lucy and, and (quietly) you might like her…more than you like me… and then… No, no, Ludwig, you wouldn’t like it at my house at all! Not at all! Lucy might eat you. You’ve gotta tell Mommy you can’t come. But that would be rude, lovely Prinzessin. You must not ask me to do that.
A few minutes later…
Xena: So this is my car, Herr Ludwig. It’s name is T-Lex after my Angel Sister Lexi. It goes really fast, but you mustn’t be afraid. You can look out the windows and see other cars and people and buildings and all kinds of stuff.
This is fun, Prinzessin Xena. I would like to have a T-Lex also. It is wunderbar.
Xena: Ludwig, wake up! We’re almost home.
Xena: First the important stuff. This is the toy basket. Those are my toys. Understand? My toys.I have no need of toys, beautiful Xena. After all, I have you.
Lucy: Who is your friend, Xena? Can I play with him?
Xena: No! Er, I mean, I’m showing Ludwig around, so please don’t bother us right now. Why don’t you go see if our supper is ready? And ask Mommy to set a place for Ludwig, too.
3 hours later…
Xena: What am I gonna do, Lucy?I don’t know, Xena. He’s your problem. You brought him home and told me to stay away from him. All I know is this is my bed and you can’t sleep here.
I am Xena, the Schnauzer Warrior Princess with nowhere to lay my head.
Xena: How did you like your bath, Lucy? This is the first one I ever saw you get.
Lucy: It wasn’t bad, especially with Mom in the tub with me. And I want to be clean and smell good to go visit my friends at the vet’s. I even got a pretty scarf.Lucy and Xena: Is it time to go yet, Mom?
Xena: Hey back there! Lucy! What are they going to do to us when we get there?
Lucy: Hmm, I think they’re going to pet us and give us treats.
40 minutes later
Lucy: Hi nice vet lady. What’s your name and where did they take my little sister? Tell the other nice lady to not give her treats. She gave me a treat and Mom yelled at her. Well, she didn’t exactly yell. But Mom told her I’m not allowed to have those kind ’cause of me being on the raw diet. I don’t want the other lady to get in trouble with my Mom.
Dr. Karen: Lucy, sweetheart, you don’t have to worry about Xena getting treats. We are taking a little bit of blood from her leg, just like we’re going to do with you. It doesn’t hurt much, just a quick pinch.
Lucy: Why are you stealing our blood?
Dr. Karen: Your Mom asked us to do a DNA Heartworm test. That way you don’t have to take heartworm prevention, because it lets us know even if there are tiny little baby heartworms in your blood. If there are, one shot will kill them. The difference between this and what’s called the occult test is the occult heartworm test only lets us know if the heartworms have grown up and are around your heart. Then it is hard and dangerous to kill them. So we are going to do this every 5 1/2 months to make sure you and your little sister are safe from the big bad heartworms.
A little later, after blood is drawn and bill is paid.
Lucy: Wasn’t that fun, Xena? We got new friends and we’re going home now. I lost over five pounds, too. I weigh 51 point 7 pounds. And I heard them say you are up to 15 pounds! You are getting to be a big girl, Xexe.
Xena: They also squirted some medicine in my mouth (bordetella) and stuck another needle in my butt (3-year rabies). Yep. Fun. *sigh* I’m going to sleep now. Wake me when we get home.
Mom’s note: I started asking myself, “Why am I poisoning my dog every month?” And of course, my answer was so that she didn’t get heartworms, as well as fleas and ticks. Then I found out about DNA testing for heartworms. It catches any that are present while still in the early stages (microfilea), and they can easily be killed with one shot of ivermectin. The DNA HW test must be repeated every 5 1/2 months. The cost is also less or the same as monthly heartworm prevention, depending on what your dog weighs. I urge you to read about it here. There is also a recipe for all natural flea and tick prevention, as well as mosquito repellent, using essential oils.
I feel like I am slowly navigating my way through a “brave, new world,” defying all the traditional ways our veterinarians are taught to care for our dogs and cats, and learning new, safer ways to keep them safe; ways that my holistic vet wholly embraces. I feel very blessed and less alone to have Dr. Karen by my side on this new journey with my girls.
I’ve had what Mom calls the doldrums since my Riley left. I haven’t seen or heard from him for at least 87 days. Him and Andrew went away and their room is cleaned out and I can’t even smell him anymore. This is the last I saw of him, walking away from me.
I sure do miss my Riley, but Mom says I need to move on. She says there’s plenty more dogs where he came from. In other words, she explained, he’s not the only dog on the block. I think she’s trying to tell me that I could have another boyfriend if I wanted.
I’m feeling pretty low, and I know Valentine’s Day is next week. (I’m available).
A little bit about me:
I don’t hunt cause the guns would scare me but I sure can chase a squirrel faster than lightening. I’ve never had a chance to go fishing but I bet I would like it ’cause I love to splash in puddles. I’m a play puppy and a cuddler. I never want to fight or have anyone mad at me. I am OK sharing my food and water. I am a svelt 56 pounds (and large chested). All I really need is love and attention and to be treated well, and I will be yours forever. So, does anyone want to be my boyfriend? At least for this month?
Love and half-wiggles,
A hopeful Lucy
Hi friends, this is Lucy. First, a big thank you to everyone who wished me a good birthday and Gotcha Day. Your wishes worked! We all went to the Smart Pet Store and I got petted by lots of people. One of the workers knelt down to adjust my harness and I gave her lots of sloppy kisses on her mouth. When we got home, Mom put my new collar on me and gave me my cow ear. I never had one before, but I can tell you this: no way was I sharing this yummy goodness with Xena!
Mommy got me two cow ears, yes, two, just for me. She put one away “for later.” Can you see my pretty new collar? The brown background matches my furs and the dots are bright and cheery, just like me. Mom put extra deer meat in my bowl at supper, and my tummy was full and happy when I went to bed to sleep between my Mom and Dad.
Xena wanted to show everyone her new jammies that our Mom made. My nose is in the picture, so I said it was ok.
Mom told Xena to “say cheese,” and Xena said she never gets any cheese.
Xena has some more news that I told her will have to wait until it’s her turn to write a blog. It’s a sunny 40 degrees (4 C) outside and I am going out to play in the yard now. I think I will roll Xena in the dirt and leaves – she likes that!
Love and Wiggles, Lucy ❤
Today is my Gotcha Day! I’ve been here with my Mom and Dad for one whole year. It’s also the day Mom and Dad are celebrating my birthday. So far all I’ve gotten is a late breakfast and left home alone. Hey, maybe they went out to get me something special!
When Mom brought me home from Food City Grocery that first day in the truck, Dad asked if I she found me in the dog food isle. Mom said, “Don’t worry, we’re not keeping her.” And Dad laughed and said, “Where have I heard that before?” (meaning when Mom brought home Riley). Dad’s birthday is tomorrow and he says I’m the best birthday present she could have given him. Anyhoo, if you want to read more about me and about my first gotcha day just click this link that is also at the top of our blog. Since I’m only two years old today, the page you go to isn’t very long. I’ll be adding more later, I hope.
Love and wiggles, Lucy
Woof to all my friends! I didn’t mean to leave everyone in suspense. It’s just that I didn’t know any more than Xena did about where Dad and I were going. We drove for a long time before stopping for the night. We had a huge bed, sized for a king, so I slept right in the middle, up against my Dad. I wanted him to feel warm and safe, you know. Mom had packed my raw diet in portions for Dad to feed me breakfast in the hotel. I know that ’cause I had watched her weigh, package and label it all. So the next morning Dad dumped my breckies food into my bowl. Dad didn’t know how fast I always eat that yummy meat, so he thought I didn’t get enough and gave me another package! Woo hoo! Score! (Later Mom told him not to do that, and that he would have to come up with another meal for me!)
We piled back into the car and kept going into colder weather. Finally, we ended up at my grandma’s house in Illinois, where there was another surprise waiting. A cat had moved in. I tried to give a friendly greeting to Oscar, my grandma’s new cat. After sniffing me, he swatted my nose! Ow!! How rude!
I decided to leave Oscar alone the rest of the night and see if he felt any friendlier in the morning.
The next morning, after my first outie with my Dad, I wanted to go downstairs to my bedroom. Oscar growled, “Thou shalt not pass.” Huh?
I took this to mean I should run really fast down the stairs.
Speaking of running, Dad has been letting me run off-leash during the day when we go outside together. I run really, really fast and always come right back to him when he calls.
I spend time with my grandma during the day but I can’t sleep with her at night because of Oscar. Darn cat. Well, I’m still trying to win him over, and then we can both sleep with grandma.
Mom, be sure and tell Riley and Xena where I am and that I will be coming home after Christmas.
Love and wiggles, Lucy the un-grounded
Mom tried to get all three of us – me, my guy, and my little sis – in a picture together. She has a new respect for all you peeps who do this on a regular basis. Here’s how it all started…
Xena: Hi Mom! Will you take my picture? Maybe another cuteness picture?
Mom: That’s a great idea, Xena. In fact, I want to get pictures of all of you together.
Lucy: I don’t feel like getting my picture taken.
Riley: Me neither.
Mom: Come on you guys…it will be fun!
Lucy: I don’t want to do this today. And I don’t see any treats.
Xena: Is that a bug or part of the carpet? I think I’ll hop on it.
Mom: Xena, stay where you are. Riley, come on and get in the picture.
Mom: Lucy and Riley, you can do better than that! Look how nicely your little sister is posing.
Xena: I think it might be a bug. One of those ladybugs.
Mom: Xena! Lucy! Look at me.
Mom: Riley, buddy. Do you think you could show less enthusiasm?
Riley: No. And I know sarcasm when I hear it.
Alas, exhausted from their failed photo shoot, all dogs fell asleep. And thus ends another attempt at a group photo card.
Now that I am double-grounded because I ran off about 87 times, I don’t get to run through the big yard and play with my guy, Riley. Sometimes we run up and down the fence together, with me in the dog lot and him in the big yard. And sometimes, just for me, Riley puts aside his disdain of getting his dainty paws messy in the dog lot. Yesterday was one of those times.
We walked and ran together.
We played tug-of-war and keep-away with the stick.
And Riley used his dainty yet powerful paws to try to dig a hole big enough so I could escape.
Lucy: Riley, stop! Andrew’s looking.
Riley: I’ll just push this brick in the hole to hide your exit route.
Lucy: Hi Andrew! Us? We weren’t doing anything.
Love and Wiggles, Lucy the Convict
Xena: Mommy, Mommy, where’s my breakfast? Mommy, Mommy, when am I going to meet my new friends?
Mom: I’m fixing your breakfast the same as I do first thing every morning, Xena, then we’ll be seeing your Auntie Jen, Uncle Bill and cousins Piper and Ella.
Xena: Have they seen my latest cuteness picture? Are they going to love me?
Lucy: *sigh* I got this one, Mom. Yes Xena, they will love you. I met Auntie Jen and she is a lot like Mom. She’ll fuss over you and hold you and give you kisses. Piper has gotten to be a senior schnauzer, and he has recently gone blind, so take it easy on him, will you? And Ella is going to be MY friend, so paws off.
Lucy: Ok…she can be your friend too, but mostly mine.
(a few hours later)
Piper: Hi Lucy and Xena. I’m Piper. I used to live here before you did. I knew your sister, Angel Lexi, 87 years before she was an angel. We were BFF’s. We hung together all the time.
And this time, when Mom leaves, I’m goin’ with her. We’re a team, ya’ know.
Hi Lucy, I’m Ella. Look at pretty you! Me and you, we’re the same size! We could be friends. Wanna’ play?
Piper: Excuse me…how did I end up in this play pen? Let me out. There’s nothing wrong with my nose and I smell food.
Piper: That’s better! Oh, hi Aunt Amy. Got anything good there I can have?
So, the humans ate and drank and laughed and talked and enjoyed the day with family and friends who are also family. No one remembered to take pictures of Lucy and Ella playing. They played all day long and became the best friends we all hoped they would be. In fact, we even discussed them going back and forth between our homes in Chattanooga and Nashville each month, but no one was willing to give up their half of the duo for a month at a time.
Piper mostly tried to stay out of their way. Xena tried to keep up with them and did a lot of obnoxious schnauzer puppy yapping. Thank goodness she finally wore herself out.
Tired smiles and wiggles and snores from Lucy and Xena the Schnauzer Warrior Princess
EEEIEIEIEIE! SOMEONE’S GONNA PAY FOR THIS WITH THEIR FURS!!!!
I am Xena, the Avenging Schnauzer Warrior Princess
Mom took me to the smart pet place and I tried on lots of clothes. She finally decided on this sweater to keep me warm this winter. I think I look quite pretty in it. I got to wear it for the first time today because it was 32 degrees (that’s 0 degrees centigrade, says Mom) cold out this morning.
Here comes Xena. We are getting along great now. We are playing all the time. She makes ahrahrahr noises at me and I make them back at her while we play bitey face. Sometimes we play chase, too. It’s a modified bully breed kind of playing. I know now I have to be gentle with her, because 1. She is not a bully breed and 1. She is still a baby and 1. I don’t want to get into any more trouble. And besides, now I have clothes, just like her.
I love you, little sister. *licky kisses* Mmmm, your beard tastes good.
Love, Licks and wiggles,
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