Easter Bunny #36950 Confesses All

Lucy: Why are you still at our house, Easter Bunny? Easter was a long time ago. And, come to think of it, you didn’t bring us anything.

Easter Bunny: Your Mom mistook me for one of your stuffies and I got thrown in the washer and dryer with them. (see here) After that, I was so traumatized, I couldn’t remember what I was supposed to do. Your stuffies took pity on me and let me sleep in their nice big crate. After I woke up, I shared the rest of the candy with them. Now I see why all you pups and kitties and little peeps look forward to me coming every year.

Xena: Do you mean no one in the world got any candy for Easter?

Easter Bunny: Oh no, not at all. First of all, there are thousands, nay, millions of us bunnies who deliver candy all around the world very early on Easter morning. I’m Bunny #36950. Second, your house was my last stop.

Lucy and Xena: So you mean we’re the only ones who didn’t get candy?

Easter Bunny #36950: Don’t blame me! It’s all your Mom’s fault. *shudder* You may have to meet me down by the street next year. Now, if you’ll excuse me, while I’ve had a lot of fun playing with Rainbow Bear and Sweetheart Bear and Chippy, and oh, by the way, who chewed the nose off of Oscar the baby schnauzer? That pup isn’t getting any candy next year!

Xena: Well, uh, you see, uh… Gee, it was nice having you visit, Easter Bunny #36950, and please be sure to come back next year with candy for us both. But maybe you should go now before Mommy decides to put you up in the attic until next Spring.

Lucy and Xena Schnauzer Warrior Princess, who didn’t get any Easter candy (and might not next year)

Spring Baths on Aww Monday

Mommy washed my bedding and put fresh spring cases on the pillows in my kennel. Looky, my stuffies got a good bath and “air” dry. Now they don’t carry any germs, especially with Easter Bunny appearing from who knows where.

The Mom: Xena, your beard sure looks crunchy. How long’s it been since you had a bath?

Stuffies: Uh oh, wanna bet who’s getting a shampoo and blow dry next? Let’s go with Lucy to watch.

Will someone please throw me a towel?

Xena the Germ-Free Schnauzer Warrior Princess

Thanks to Comedy Plus for hosting Awww Mondays.

Poor, Pitiful Oscar

Lucy: Hey Xexe, what did you do to Oscar? Where’s his nose? And what happened to his beard? But mostly, where’s his nose?

Xena: Um, I was grooming him, you see, and I was trimming his beard with my teeth, and, well, and I must have gotten too close to his nose.

Lucy: You ate his nose? Are you a barbarian?

Xena: I didn’t eat it!

Lucy: What if Mom did that to you when she’s grooming you? Look at Oscar. He’s pitiful. Poor puppy.

Xena: I’m so sorry, Oscar. I didn’t mean to hurt you.

I’ll tell you what, Oscar, sweetie. We’ll get dogtor Lucy to fix you up, and I’ll ask Mommy to groom you from now on. What’s that? Will it hurt? No *giggle* not at I’ll. I’ll gas you and you’ll sleep right through it.

*a short time later*

Lucy: That was a delicate operation.

Oscar didn’t have any health insurance, but he said to send the bill to you, Xena.

Lucy and the failed groomer aka Xena Schnauzer Warrior Princes, (and Oscar)

Now, to reveal what my #10 mystery item was on the Scavenger Hunt. (If you missed it, you can read it here.) Ruby, Millie & Walter, and Phenny & Nelly all got it right.

It’s a lamp, one of two that I bought from a dance studio that was closing. Thanks to Hootin’ Anni for hosting this hop. It’s going on until the 15th, so go ahead and have some fun with it by clicking here.

The Bears are Back

Xena: Who’s up there on the bed whispering? Make way, I’m coming up.

Yay! You’re all out of hibernation, and look! There’s our missing Mr. Eleephant!! Sweetheart, your eye looks odd. Do you have pink-eye?

Sweetheart Bear: No, Xena, that’s just my pink furs that got in it. You can lick them away from my eye if you want. And yes, we found Mr. Eleephant. Well, actually, Rainbow bear found him sitting on the front step. He was a bit hungry and cold, but otherwise he’s ok.

Elle: The bears are having a post-hibernation confab and I was invited because I’m Mr. Eleephant’s care-taker when he is here.

Jen Jen Bear: Yes we’re discussing how to keep everyone alive and safe from that Riley dog, as well as what to do about that Scoundrel Ludwig.

Riley: Why does everybody always pick on me?

Ludwig suddenly appears: Mr. Eleephant, it’s good to see you’re alive and well. I had urgent business to…

Rainbow Bear: Ludwig, you scoundrel! We take care of our own around here. How dare you abandon Mr. Eleephant on the front porch while you tried to spy on Xena! (click here if you missed this)

Ludwig: Mr. Eleephant is OK – he’s a tough old coot. And well, I, I, I already wore the cone of shame. Isn’t that enough? Can’t we all be friends again?

The bears and the elephants discussed how they wanted to handle this, and what to do next. An executive decision was made…

OK, all y’all, game’s on. Last one to Xena’ kennel is a rotten Ludwig!

This is Xena Schnauzer Warrior Princess and Chippy the chipmunk with a hoard travelling to my kennel.

Introducing Priscilla

I got two new puppies and a chipmunk for Christmas. Oscar is my schnauzer puppy stuffie. His beard is as crazy as mine! My other puppy didn’t have a name. If you didn’t see my Christmas Day post, you can click here. I mentioned then that my sweet new puppy with the long ears needed a name and asked for help, but the only one to respond was Kismet, who suggested “Dumbo” because of her really big ears. That is not just politically incorrect, it’s just plain mean. That made me realize it was up to me to find her a name.

I know she’s a girl because she’s wearing a pink collar. And she does have big ears, sorta like a hound dog. So that got me to thinking. Mr. Elvis used to sing a song about a hound dog and I think his favorite person was Priscilla, so, even though that Priscilla wasn’t a hound dog, I thought maybe my new puppy’s name should be Priscilla. And I could call her Prissy for short, kinda like Mommy calls me Xee and Xee Xee.

I’m teaching Prissie all kinds of new things.

She’s already learned to jump/climb up on the magical red chair. Please don’t pay any attention to the plaid duck tape on the top of the chair. That will soon be a “last year’s” mistake. And I’m sure any new teeth marks will be from Priscilla as she is teething, right?

Prissy likes to look out the window with me.

I’m teaching her how to watch for things to bark at watch for possible threats. That way, when she grows up, she could be our security dog while Ludwig is away for the winter.

She’s also been watching me practice all my new Freestyle figures. Pretty soon I’ll have a whole new routine to all new music. It’s going to be great!

Anyhoo, I wanted to let you know that the naming contest is over and no one won the trip to…

Lucy: Xena, what the dog are you barking about now? There was never a naming contest!

Xena: Shhhhhhh.

I’m asleep.

I am Xena Schnauzer Warrior Princess

Ludwig and Mr. Eleephant

Miss BellaDharma from BellaDharma and LadyMews’s Purrfect Pad and I were discussing what to do to keep Mr. Eleephant safe from Bad Riley. In case you missed it, you can go here to see how my big sis Lucy had to save Eleephant’s life after a vicious attack. Miss BellaDharma came up with the purrfect idea. She suggested asking Ludwig to be Mr. Eleephant’s body guard. So, here is the story of how that went.

Ludwig, I have asked you here to meet with me and Mr. Eleephant to discuss a matter of the utmost importance. As you know, Mr. Eleephant barely survived two vicious attacks by Riley. And looking at your side, it appears you have also been his victim.

No, Xena, those scars are from love bites from you.

Oh. Well, that only shows how tough and strong you are. So, Ludwig, we need your help.

Anything for you, mon amour. I would scale Mount Everest, I would sail across the Devil’s Sea, I would wrestle the Tasmanian Devil, I would…

Yes, yes, I understand you are wholly devoted to me, dear Ludwig. Now, back to Mr. Eleephant. He needs you to be his body guard.

Ah, so you know my strength and my total dedication to a task — and to you, beautiful Xena. I accept this labor of love and have a small suggestion.

*whispers* You should stay with us each night so that we can take turns keeping guard. I would let you share my bed…

*blushes* Uh, I think it’s time to ask Jen Jen Bear to join us. She has been tirelessly watching over Mr. Eleephant, and she keeps falling asleep. It is winter, you know.

Jen, Jen, I have good news. Ludwig has accepted the position of body guard for Mr. Eleephant.

You can go hibernate with your friends now with no worries about anything.

There’s just one thing, beautiful Xena. I am going on a winter trip to uh, to see my pawrents, yep, to see my pawents and my gir, er, my grr-ate grandpawrents. I will take Mr. Eleephant with me

*sigh* Once a Ludwig, always a Ludwig.

Goodbye, sweet Mr. Eleephant.

Angel Lexi loved you, and so do I. Take care of yourself

Jen Jen Bear has left to go hibernate, mon amour. You never answered me about sharing my bed tonight. We could keep each other warm while we guard Mr. Eleephant in his sleep.

Mom! Ludwig’s hitting on me again!

Hurry Mr. Eleephant. It is time for us to go.

Emergency Stuffie Surgery

Xena: While we wait for my video from the Freestyle Trial, I wanted to catch you up on what is going on around home. Do you remember my warning to Riley? Do you remember that he still went ahead and deadied my blue bone? That was bad, but not like deading a real live stuffie. Look who we found, a victim of a Riley attack.

Do you remember that poor old Mr. Elephant was very close with Angel Lexi? Now his guts are falling out of his butt. This isn’t the first time Riley tried to kill him. We think it is because he mattered so much to Angel Lexi. Mr. Elephant had asked that, instead of staying in the big green basket on top of the mantel to stay safe, he be allowed to stay in my kennel. He was ok in there until one day we all forgot to shut my kennel door and Riley saw his chance.

Riley: You two can stop talking about me now. My Dad’s coming to get me.

Lucy: I saw something had to be done immediately if we were to save Mr. Elephant. After thinking for 87 seconds, I made my decision.

I ran to the pantry and got some Tennessee whiskey to steady my nerves and gave Mr. Elephant a drink of it, too. Xena had eaten sauerkraut last night, so I told her to turn around and gas him. Between that and the whiskey, he was out cold. I gathered up some tools and put on my operating mask. Time was ticking and I had to work fast and sure with precision instruments. I also had to be very careful not to close up his bee hind hole. I looked for his tail, but that villain Riley must have eaten it. His right leg was ripped halfway off, so I fixed it to the best of my ability.

About 87 minutes into the surgery, Xena noticed that Mr. Elephant was also missing an ear.

We hurriedly – but carefully – looked under all the furniture. Xena is small enough to be able to scoot under the couch and love seat, and did a thorough search. It was all to no avail. That fiend Riley must have eaten his ear, too. I finished working on his back end, and, with only a short pee and snack break, started closing up the gaping whole where his ear used to be. Xena! Quick! Lick the sweat off my forehead! Thanks!

Mr. Elephant is in the guest room sleeping it off and is expected to make a full recovery. His back leg isn’t exactly straight anymore, so he will have a limp. And we’ll have to remember to stand on his left side when we talk to him.

Riley has gone home with his Dad, and it’s time for a nap after an exhausting, yet satisfying, day. The patient will live.

Wags and licks, Lucy the Surgeon and Xena Schnauzer Princess Warrior

Nightshirts and a Scare

Do you ever get cold in bed? Sometimes, between the air conditioning and the overhead fan, I start shivering so hard I wake up Mommy. So she has started putting a lightweight shirt on me at night.

So, after a good night’s sleep in my sleep shirt that Mommy made me, and after my brekkies and after my potty out front, I decided to get in my red chair and watch what was going on in the neighborhood. What I found in my chair shocked me!

Mommy! I think Mr. Elephant – you know Mr. Elephant who was my Guardian Angel Lexi’s Elephant – is dead! What’ll I do!?

Oh, goodness! His bee-hind is still warm and smells like him. Wait! He moved!

*whispers* Oh my dog, Mr. Elephant. I thought you died. Please don’t ever scare me like that again! Psst, I love you.

I am Xena, the relieved Schnauzer Princess Warrior

My Stuffie Friends Left

No sooner did my Clan Bears return than Rudy and Winter Bear said they needed to go to “The Great North” for the summer. They said there are places where it snows all year and the temperature barely gets above freezing. At first I thought they were going to Finland to visit Kosmo the cat. Then I learned that the snow is mostly gone in that part of the world and it is warming up. Then I thought about The Canadian Cats, but it’s the same story there.  Without involving me, they had been planning what they wanted to do over the summer until it got cold here – well, as cold as it ever gets. Neither one has a port to pass, or could pass the port, or something like that, so they had to stay in the United States. I wanted to help, so I offered Rudy my special blankie to keep warm on his travels.He tried it out and got so comfy he fell asleep for the rest of the day. The next day I offered Rudy my special Blue Bone. I thought he could chew on it if he got hungry, or use it as a pillow. When I took Rudy over to it, he licked it for a while, then laid his head down  and fell asleep again.

When that silly reindeer finally woke up, he said he was always sleepy cause it’s already too hot here. Meanwhile, Winter Bear was snoozing in the toy basket. I guess it is too warm here for him, too. 

I got them both awake long enough to pack up some supplies and head out the door. That was a few days ago. Once in a while I get word from someone that they gave the two travelers a ride or fed them or just spotted them in the woods to the side of the highway. The last report was of them resting near McKinley Mountain in Alaska.

Hey, I should have sent a list with them to give to Santa! I sure am going to miss those two rascals, especially Rudy. His red nose is hard, and Mommy could always hear me dragging him all over the house. I didn’t want  him to miss anything that was happening. I sure hope they can find their way back home before Christmas and bring me some pressies from Santa.

*yawn* I think it’s time for a nap. Maybe it’s too warm in here…

Xena Schnauzer Warrior Princess

Stuck

As Mommy was leaving for work today she gave me my new treat puzzle that I love to play with. It didn’t  take me even 87 milliseconds to solve that puzzle and gobble up all the treats. That’s when I noticed that Rudy and Jen-Jen Bear didn’t make it into my kennel before Mommy closed and locked the door. I really tried to help them. I was able to get one of Jen-Jen’s legs in, but she yelled that it hurt, so I had to stop. Rudy, do you want me to try to help you get in the crate with me?

Rudy: Uh, no thanks. I’ll just wait here until your Mom gets back.

Jen-Jen Bear: I’m stuck. You’re not going to just leave me stuck like this, are you, Xexe? All the blood is rushing to my head and my leg’s starting to go numb.Uh, yep. Don’t worry, I’ll carry you around with me the rest of the evening after Mommy gets home. Monkey and Winter Bear are in here with me, so I’m just going to play with them for a while. Then we’ll all take a nap. You know I would come out there and help you but…Xena Schnauzer Warrior Princess

 

The Home Line-Up

Maybe you saw the post where I told you about lining up my stuffies at work. Well, I like to keep things in order at home, too.Here is Tiger, Rainbow Bear, Brownie Bear, and the almost dead alligator that used to be Riley’s. I thought it was all dead, then one day, when I was playing in my kennel, I found it laying across my back. I’m keeping it because the squeaker still works. Everyone is lined up nice and neat waiting to go outside to play.  After I carried everyone out and laid them down in a neat line, I closed my kennel door so no one would run back inside.Everyone ready? Tiger, turn around. OK, Mom, open the door so we can all go outside and play. Man, sometimes I feel like I am running my own daycare, just like they do at work.

I am Xena, the Schnauzer (Warrior) Princess