Where we left off was with a beautiful, 3-point landing of Sho’s magic carpet, right in front of the hut Canada in Tyeland, Shortly afterward, Sho drifted into a deep sleep (probably from exhaustion, although Xe drove all the way there from Tennessee, so Sho shouldn’t have been that tired). If you missed that, you can go read about it here at the Canadian Cats. As Sho lay snoring…
Tye: Are you getting bored, Xe?
Xe: Yes. We need an adventure. *thinking* Hey! Do you remember how we wanted to try stuffing a mouse down a cobra’s throat, but your big sister Sho was always around so we couldn’t do it?
Tye: Yep, and she’s sound asleep in our hut Canada now.
The friends, about to embark on an adventure, take off through the jungle, looking for a mouse and a cobra.
Tye: Hold the snake still! Xe: I’m trying. Maybe there’s a stick or rock that could help. Tye: No!! Don’t let it go! Mouse: Help!! Help!! I don’t want to die! Xe: That mouse screaming for help isn’t helping. And you went up too high in the palm. Cobra: *gurgle* You’re choking me! Tye: I’m hanging down as low as I can without falling. Xe: There’s a little stick I could wedge in the snake’s mouth. Cobra: When I get loose *gurgle* I’m gonna kill you, *gag* you stupid schnauzer. Tye: Forget it, he’ll get you while your back is turned. On the count of 3, we both let go and run as fast as we can. One, two, run!
A short while later…
Sho: *yawn* I had a good nap. Did you two do anything interesting while I was asleep.
Xe: You mean like shove a mouse down a cobra’s throat? Woof, woof! Tye: Yeah, or almost fall out of a palm? Meow, meow, meow. Xe: We waited on you to take a nice walk with us. Sho: You two are so funny. Let’s stroll down the jungle lane to see if there’s anything interesting going on. Some pretty flowers should be blooming this time of year.
Xe, whispering to Tye: Do you think the cobra’s gone? Remember, he threatened to kill me! Tye, whispering to Xe: Maybe, but let’s wear sunglasses or hats just in case, so he doesn’t recognize us. We’ll have to keep a watchout. And “flowers” will be our code word for cobra.
Tye: Do you see any flowers? Xe: Nope, nothing. Sho: Look, I see a flower over here. Tye and Xe: Eeeeek!
At that, Tye and Xe turned and ran (again) all the way back to the hut Canada.
Sho: Those two are so funny together. I’m glad they’re having a good time.
Sho never suspected that the “pretend” story of a cobra and a palm could be true, and she continues to sleep well because of it.
This concludes part 3, but stay tuned for part 4, coming to a blog near you.
The Mom: Why are you staring at me, Riley? What do you want?
Riley: I just ate and I need to go out.
*a few minutes later*
Lucy: Where’d you go, Riley? I saw you go into the woods and thought you had run off.
Riley: Nah, I just had to do my business and I don’t like anyone watching. Besides, why would I mess in my own yard, or in my family’s yard? That’s just nasty. And why would you think I ran off?
Lucy: It’s cause Mom told me she had a dream about you and me running off together through the woods like we used to do a couple of years ago. In her dream, she found you near her old neighborhood and brought you home. But she never found me. She said it was a terrible dream. It woke her up and she never went back to sleep that night. So I am staying out of the woods.
Now, where did Xena go? It’s so hard being the responsible one, trying to keep track of every body.
Xena: I found a hole; two holes, actually. I can smell a critter.
Lucy: What’s in the hole? Don’t you have to go potty?
Xena: I don’t know yet, and I already went. Now will you please be quiet? I need silence. Absolute. Silence.
Xena’s viewpoint: Why, oh why, oh why is he living here with us again?
Riley won’t listen to anything I woof. He watches when I get my food and I’m afraid he’s going to eat it. Even my schnauzer warrior moves wouldn’t prevail against this 70 pound behemoth. Mommy threw my ball for me and Riley got it. When I tried to get it back from him, he hit me in the head with his tooth, and now there’s a hole where my ear meets the top of my head. I screamed and wouldn’t go near him for a few days. I even got behind Mommy every time he came near. And he has taken over my chair, so I can’t lay on the top of it and watch outside. I wish he would just go home.
Lucy’s viewpoint: My buddy is back. He’s 20 pounds bigger than me, but I’m almost as tall as him. Sometimes we run and play in the front yard like we used to do. I love having Riley here. Did I mention he’s my friend?
Riley’s viewpoint: My Dad Andrew brought me over to Lucy’s to visit. Or at least I thought I was just visiting. But then he said he had to stay with friends for a while and I could stay here with his Mom. It’s true that she takes real good care of me and feeds me things I like and gives me pills for itching and pets and scritches me. But I miss my Dad Andrew…a lot.
I’ve had some fun times playing with balls and bones (I didn’t mean to hurt that silly schnauzer). And Lucy is a sweet girl and fun to play with. I’ve been real good. I’ve gone into the woods to potty and not run off. I always wag hello when I see the neighbors on our walks, especially the little kids. I love little kids. The guy working on the patio brought his teeny tiny 3 month old chihuahua and I was very, very careful not to hurt or scare him. We could even be friends if he wants.
I was even sorta, kinda good for my bath and nail trim. OK, so Mr. Jeff had to hold me for the nails, but at least they got cut, right? I even let Lucy have everyone’s favorite red chair this afternoon.
I just miss my Dad Andrew so much. He’s my heart-person. Every time I see the other patio worker guy drive his white truck up the driveway, I think it’s my Dad coming to get me. I get excited and start to bark. Then there’s the let-down.
When are you coming to get me, Dad? I’m OK, but I miss you so much.
I’ve been itching. It’s that time of year, I’m told. At first, Mommy had high hopes that my allergy serum injections would finally keep me from itching this year. I think I’m doing better, but I’m still itchy. My ears itch, so I scratch right under them. Then I always get something called a hot spot. Mommy started treating the new hot spot with some Tea Tree Essential Oil mixed in coconut oil. Then, this morning, Mommy found another hot spot under my other ear. I had been scratching during the night, and no one knew because “dogs aren’t allowed to sleep in the bedroom” anymore. Something about the peeps not getting any rest with us there. So now, Mommy is mixing Oregano Essential Oil in coconut oil and putting it on both hot spots. And I have to wear the cone.
At least I can see the ‘puter and still help Mommy in her home office.
Sho: Well, if we had to be stuck somewhere other than Canada during this pandemic, I’m glad it was here with you and Xe. And Tye had the right idea with this spa tub. I – being a cat – didn’t think I would like it. But it’s so relaxing.
Lu: It’s true, Sho. And this inoculation of Corona tastes pretty good. Do you think it would work better if we had it in “shots”?
Both: BOL, MOL, ha, ha, ha, *hic*
Xe: Hey, what are you two doing?
Tye: OMC, I can’t look. I think they’re naked!
Lu: Of course we are, silly cat. None of us wears clothes. Well, except when you put on that strange-looking hula skirt. The real question is, what have you two been up to?
Tye: I flipped Xe the bird. Xe: And then I shot Tye the bird. Both: Yep, we kept flipping each other the bird and it was lots of fun.
*earlier that day*
Tye: I’m so glad we found these old rackets up in your attic. *whack*
Xe: *whack* Me too, Tye. Shoot that angry bird back to me and I’ll flip this one right back atcha.
Lucy: Our brother Andrew came over and power washed our fence and patio and the parts of our house that needed it. While he was working on the fence, he left Mom a message on the patio.
The top part says “ADR,” which are Andrew’s intials. And we are sure you can read the bottom part. This put a big smile on Mom’s face.
We’re having a new patio built on the back of our house. That is the reason Mom asked Andrew to come over and power wash the patio. At first, after the old, temporary patio enclosure was removed, we still had a “temporary” fence to keep us in the dog lot area. After that was taken down, we became “free range.”
We keep finding different paths out to the yard as the building progresses. But we aren’t allowed outside unless Mom or Dad are with us. Me and Xena, we’re very good about staying in – or at least close to – the yard. And we come when called. You might remember when I used to run off with Riley. That was right after Xena came to live with us, and, well, I’ll admit it: I was jealous. Now I understand that life is better with a little sis, and that Mom and Dad love me just as much as before she came – maybe even more!
Xena: Big Black Ants have been invading our home. They look like this.
They’re called carpenter ants, which is silly, since I never saw them building anything. Hey, wait, maybe they’re carpenters’ ants, and the guys building our new patio brought them!
They don’t taste as good as the little brown ants, though.
In any case, I’ve been following them around and trying to eat them. Now that I know they taste yucky I just show Mommy where they are, and she comes and steps on them. When Daddy sees one, he steps on it too. I can hear them crunch. Since Mommy only runs the scary vacuum once a week, the bodies started piling up. After the weekly vacuuming we noticed something interesting. No more ants appeared. Now we think they were all coming for the funerals of their fallen comrades.
Lucy: Mom keeps talking about how nice the new patio will be, and how we can all sit outside without being devoured by mosquitoes. We will be sure to show you pictures of us enjoying our new outside space when it is (finally) done. We’re even going to have a doggie door between the patio and the dog lot! And it won’tbe one made by Xexe, like the last one was.
Both: So, today we are thankful that we’ll soon have a nice new patio where Mommy will spend all her time outside with us and we are also thankful that the ant invasion has ended.
Lucy: Why are you still at our house, Easter Bunny? Easter was a long time ago. And, come to think of it, you didn’t bring us anything.
Easter Bunny: Your Mom mistook me for one of your stuffies and I got thrown in the washer and dryer with them. (see here) After that, I was so traumatized, I couldn’t remember what I was supposed to do. Your stuffies took pity on me and let me sleep in their nice big crate. After I woke up, I shared the rest of the candy with them. Now I see why all you pups and kitties and little peeps look forward to me coming every year.
Xena: Do you mean no one in the world got any candy for Easter?
Easter Bunny: Oh no, not at all. First of all, there are thousands, nay, millions of us bunnies who deliver candy all around the world very early on Easter morning. I’m Bunny #36950. Second, your house was my last stop.
Lucy and Xena: So you mean we’re the only ones who didn’t get candy?
Easter Bunny #36950: Don’t blame me! It’s all your Mom’s fault. *shudder* You may have to meet me down by the street next year. Now, if you’ll excuse me, while I’ve had a lot of fun playing with Rainbow Bear and Sweetheart Bear and Chippy, and oh, by the way, who chewed the nose off of Oscar the baby schnauzer? That pup isn’t getting any candy next year!
Xena: Well, uh, you see, uh… Gee, it was nice having you visit, Easter Bunny #36950, and please be sure to come back next year with candy for us both. But maybe you should go now before Mommy decides to put you up in the attic until next Spring.
Lucy and Xena Schnauzer Warrior Princess, who didn’t get any Easter candy (and might not next year)
Lucy doesn’t play with Mom, but Lucy and me, we wrestle and play chase outside in the yard almost every day.
Thankfully, our restrictions are few and our routine has changed very little. We do have Mom and Dad home more, which we both love. But we know it’s not like this for all of our doggie friends, so we looked through Mom’s email and found this info to help with boredom and – Dog forbid – being forced to go potty inside because you’re not allowed outside! Here’s Your COVID-19 Canine Survival Guide.
If you’re a dog parent, you may be in need of a “canine survival guide” while you’re hunkered down at home during the current COVID-19 crisis
Be sure to have at least a month’s worth of pet supplies on hand, including all the things your dog typically needs on a daily and weekly basis
It also may be necessary to train your dog to go potty indoors while you’re quarantined or under a stay-at-home directive
Enriching your dog’s environment during this time is the best way to keep her mentally stimulated, manage her stress level, and avoid problem behaviors
Click here to read the details. There’s lots of fun stuff and helpful information!
Now I’m waiting for Mom to stop working so that we can try out some of these fun new games she has promised to play with me (especially the ones involving treats). I think I’ll go downstairs and remind her.
Lucy: Hey Xexe, what did you do to Oscar? Where’s his nose? And what happened to his beard? But mostly, where’s his nose?
Xena: Um, I was grooming him, you see, and I was trimming his beard with my teeth, and, well, and I must have gotten too close to his nose.
Lucy: You ate his nose? Are you a barbarian?
Xena: I didn’t eat it!
Lucy: What if Mom did that to you when she’s grooming you? Look at Oscar. He’s pitiful. Poor puppy.
Xena: I’m so sorry, Oscar. I didn’t mean to hurt you.
I’ll tell you what, Oscar, sweetie. We’ll get dogtor Lucy to fix you up, and I’ll ask Mommy to groom you from now on. What’s that? Will it hurt? No *giggle* not at I’ll. I’ll gas you and you’ll sleep right through it.
*a short time later*
Lucy: That was a delicate operation.
Oscar didn’t have any health insurance, but he said to send the bill to you, Xena.
Lucy and the failed groomer aka Xena Schnauzer Warrior Princes, (and Oscar)
Now, to reveal what my #10 mystery item was on the Scavenger Hunt. (If you missed it, you can read it here.) Ruby, Millie & Walter, and Phenny & Nelly all got it right.
It’s a lamp, one of two that I bought from a dance studio that was closing. Thanks to Hootin’ Anni for hosting this hop. It’s going on until the 15th, so go ahead and have some fun with it by clicking here.
Lucy: We are joining with Easy Blog and the Canadian Cats Blog today to give Uncle Bob (can we call you “uncle,” Uncle Bob?) can make some different suppers for him and Aunt Jean (can we call you “aunt,” Aunt Jean?).
Lucy: Xena and I help keep the floor clean when Mom is cooking, so we can tell you, this dish we’re about to give you the recipe for is super yummy. And it’s dog and cat friendly right up to the point where you add the raisins. It’s supposed to be cran-raisins, which we could eat, but Mom uses raisins ’cause they don’t have any added sugar. If you don’t care about things like added sugar, go with the dried cranberries so we can eat some of it, cause it’s even yummier that way.
This recipe is called BUTTERNUT SQUASH WITH APPLE AND CRANBERRIES (or RAISINS)
Mom forgot to take a picture of it when she took it out of the oven, and her and Dad dove into it, so this is all that’s left. At least we caught her before she ate it all for lunch today.
Xena: We hear this is really easy to make once you get past the killing the squash part. Here’s how you do it.
Part 1: Get one butternut squash and nuke it in the microwave for about 4 or 5 minutes to soften it a little. Be sure to poke some holes in it with a fork first so it is injured and doesn’t get away. Then peel it with an apple peeler if you have one, or just a paring knife if you don’t. Slice open it’s belly and remove all the seeds. We like to eat any guts, er seeds, that miss the trash can. Cut up what’s left into smallish cubes, or even medium size cubes if you’re in a hurry or don’t like cutting. Just so it fits in your mouth when it’s cooked. Dump it all in a great big bowl.
Part 2: Core and chop up 3 or 4 apples. We don’t care what kind, as long as they cook good in the oven. No need to peel them. Dump them in with the squash.
Part 3: Dump in 1/4 cup of butter, 1/2 to 1 cup dried cranberries or raisins, 1/4 teaspoon each of cinnamon and nutmeg, and about 3 tablespoons of sugar. (Mommy uses Stevia – it’s that sugar thing again.)
Lucy: This next part involves heat and fire, so I’ll take it from here. After mixing everything up, dump it in a great big casserole dish, the bigger the better – like 3 quarts – and put it in a hot oven that’s set to 425F/220C degrees. Cook it for 30 minutes, then lower temperature to 350F/175C degrees and keep cooking for another hour. It will be done and ready to eat. HOWEVER, after the first 30 minutes, our Mom lowers the temp to 325F/163C and cooks it for about 2 and a half or 3 more hours. That way, it shrivels up and is sweet like a dessert.
Lucy and Xena: Whichever way you cook it, it’s yummy-scrumpdilyishus! Uh Mom, did you just eat all that? And you didn’t save any for Dad? Or us?
Pee S: This makes a very large amount, so you might want to either just get a small butternut squash and use 2 or 3 apples or you might want to just use half the squash.
Lucy: Your stories are selling like hotcakes, Xena. We should be getting royaltreats or something like that. I’m going to check with our publicist. Oh Mo-o-o-o-ommm…
Xena: What’s the “we?” I’m doing all the work.
If you missed any of our story, you can click on Part 1 and Part 2 and Part 3 and Part 4. It’ll help Part 5 make more sense…
Xena’s story: A Dog and her Cat Friends, with another Plot Hound, Part Five
The driver in the old truck barked at them to stop. “Y’all stop now, y’hear? I’m your ride to the big white house. Didn’t Ho No tell y’all to ‘spect me?”
“So you aren’t the ICY Plott Hound from Texas?” the two friends asked.
“Golly no, I’m a NICE Plott Hound from the hills of Georgia. My name’s Sally. That thar one you mentioned is my cousin Leroy. He thanks he’s hot stuff. Come on and jump in the back and I’ll getcha where yer goin”.
“I think we should trust her,” whispered Xe. “What do you want to do, Tye?”
“Let’s get in. We can always jump out if it’s a trick. But my gut feeling is she’s one of the good hounds.” So off they went in the back of the truck, getting ever closer to the big white house.
*87 hours later* (It was an old, slow truck.)
“Here we are, little ladies,” woofed Sally, “the big white house is thar, behind all those bushes. Which reminds me, it’s time for a potty break.”
“Let’s go find the person who can help us stop this unjust incarceration of Siamese cats,” meowed Tye. She jumped out the window of the truck, and Sally helped Xe down from the truck bed. Before she would go any further, Xe ran a comb through her beard and leggings and put on her favorite scarf, so as to make a good impression on the person in charge. Xe asked Sally, “Is this the big white house?”
“Well,” Sally replied as she hurried off to do her bizness in the bushes, ” it is a big white house, now ain’t it?” After bagging up her droppings in a Mickey D’s carry out container left over from lunch the previous day, Sally hopped behind the wheel and drove off in a cloud of white exhaust fumes.
After Xe and Tye stopped coughing, they climbed the many steps up to the front door of the big white house, where they woofed and meowed as loudly as they could until the door opened. Upon telling the door man why they were there, they were ushered into a stately sitting room, where they waited for the Person In Charge, who they decided to refer to as PIC.
Pretty soon the PIC entered the room. Xe had seen pictures of the ICY PIC who lived there, and was not looking forward to this encounter. As expected, this man was tall, made even taller by the stove top hat he was wearing. “That’s different – I’ve never seen him wear a hat on TV,” thought Xe. His hair wasn’t that fake yellow, and his face didn’t look the same, either. Maybe a new person had moved in and taken over, she thought. He lowered himself into the largest chair in the room and removed his black hat. “Welcome to the big white house,” he said congenially. “What can I do for you today?”
“I would like some fresh meat and veggies, please,” Xe politely asked, just before her stomach started growling again.
Tye started to protest, meowing that wasn’t the reason they were there, but the NICE PIC clapped his large hands. The person who answered the door entered the room, and the NICE PIC told him to bring his guests food, saying, “No one can think right on an empty stomach. Give them whatever they want.”
Xe requested salmon, and whatever fresh veggies were available. After thinking for only a moment, Tye asked for shrimp. While they were eating, the NICE PIC told them entertaining stories about his childhood and his beloved dogs and cats. Soon they were able to relax with full bellies and an affinity for the NICE PIC.
Tye settled into her new friend’s lap, partially slipping under his suit coat to keep warm. Xe sat at his feet while they took turns relating the injustice of incarcerating innocent Siamese cats, as well as the horrors of the detention center. The NICE PIC, who said they could just call him Abe, softly stroked Tye while listening attentively. As their story came to an end, he promised to make a Proclamation declaring all animals and people equal, and that he would put an immediate end to the detentions. They sensed he was an honest person, and thanked him profusely.
“Now, let’s get a picture of us all for posterity,” he said. I believe this day will go down in history. Xe was very glad she had spiffed herself up after her long journey, and hoped no food was stuck to her beard as was wont to happen. Abe assured her that she looked lovely, so she relaxed and faced the camera.
The two friends accepted the invitation to stay the night, and, after a night-night treat, slept soundly in a big soft bed.
The next morning they all ate hearty breakfasts which had been prepared specifically to each of their tastes and diets. It was a beautiful, sunny day and Xe and Tye were outside taking care of necessary business in the bushes when a shadow suddenly covered them both. Tye began to jump up and down, meowing loudly. Xe thought the shadow must be from a cloud until she looked up – and would have wet her pants if she had any on and if she hadn’t already taken care of that business – and saw something she thought was only in story books. Abe had offered them a helicopter ride back to Tennessee, but it seemed they wouldn’t need to use it after all.
Be sure to check out what actually happens next by reading Shoko’s story at The Canadian Cats this Friday! Then come back next Monday for the grand finale of my story.
Xena Schnauzer Warrior Princess with Lucy as my Editor
Xena: Who’s up there on the bed whispering? Make way, I’m coming up.
Yay! You’re all out of hibernation, and look! There’s our missing Mr. Eleephant!! Sweetheart, your eye looks odd. Do you have pink-eye?
Sweetheart Bear: No, Xena, that’s just my pink furs that got in it. You can lick them away from my eye if you want. And yes, we found Mr. Eleephant. Well, actually, Rainbow bear found him sitting on the front step. He was a bit hungry and cold, but otherwise he’s ok.
Elle: The bears are having a post-hibernation confab and I was invited because I’m Mr. Eleephant’s care-taker when he is here.
Jen Jen Bear: Yes we’re discussing how to keep everyone alive and safe from that Riley dog, as well as what to do about that Scoundrel Ludwig.
Ludwig suddenly appears: Mr. Eleephant, it’s good to see you’re alive and well. I had urgent business to…
Rainbow Bear: Ludwig, you scoundrel! We take care of our own around here. How dare you abandon Mr. Eleephant on the front porch while you tried to spy on Xena! (click here if you missed this)
Ludwig: Mr. Eleephant is OK – he’s a tough old coot. And well, I, I, I already wore the cone of shame. Isn’t that enough? Can’t we all be friends again?
The bears and the elephants discussed how they wanted to handle this, and what to do next. An executive decision was made…
OK, all y’all, game’s on. Last one to Xena’ kennel is a rotten Ludwig!
This is Xena Schnauzer Warrior Princess and Chippy the chipmunk with a hoard travelling to my kennel.
Xena: Take it away where? What are you talking about, Lucy? I’m watching to see where this squirrel goes.
Lucy: I mean, go ahead with more of your story. Your adoring fans are waiting to hear what happens next. *sigh* I’ll watch the squirrel for you.
If you missed any of our story, you can click on Part 1 and Part 2 and Part 3. It’ll help Part 4 make more sense…
Xena’s story: A Dog and her Cat Friends, with another Plot Hound, Part Four
With a newly-found resolve, Xe and Tye headed in the general direction they thought was toward Tennessee. It was early morning, so they kept the sun on their right as they walked. From old habits in Siam, where Tye was from, they kept away from the water as they traveled, so nothing could jump out and eat them. As they walked they talked about many things. The pair recalled the fun they had together in Siam, and how Tye would catch mice to throw at any leopards or tigers they might encounter. That led to Tye relating her voyage from Siam to Texas and the mice she caught and cared for. Then the conversation took a more serious turn.
“You know what happened to you when you got off the ship wasn’t right.” Xe got angry just thinking about it. “We need to do something so it doesn’t happen to any more Siamese cats.”
“It’s true, Xe. I was so excited, thinking about seeing you again and the fun we would have, and the next thing I knew I was sitting in that detention center eating rotten vegetables. I hadn’t done anything wrong! I don’t understand why I got treated like that!”
“We need to go to the big white house and ask the people in charge to make those ICY people stop doing that,” exclaimed Xe. But it’s a long walk; we’re going to need a ride.”
No sooner did Xe woof their need for a ride than a horse came galloping up to them.
“I hear you’re in need of a ride.” The horse bowed her head as she addressed Xe. “How can I help you free everyone of tyranny and oppression and rotten vegetables?”
Xe and Tye looked up at this huge horse, who seemed to genuinely want to help them, even if she was a bit zealous and also a bit off the mark of their goal. “What is your name?” they asked in unison, both with a slight quiver of fear in their voices.
“I am a Horse with No Name,” replied the magnificent creature. “Tell me why you are out here in the middle of nowhere, and where you want to go.”
Xe was spell-bound that there could be a Horse with No Name. Ignoring the horse’s question, Xe asked, “Have you been to the desert? I hear in the desert you can remember your name.”
When the Horse with No Name didn’t reply, Tye and Xe related their experiences over the past few days.
“Stay here,” said the horse as she wheeled about on her hind legs and cantered off into the scrub brush, just out of earshot. They could hear her whinnying and nodding her head, but couldn’t make out what she was saying into her iphone.
“Both of you, climb on my back and I will get you as far as I can,” the Horse with No Name told them as she skidded to a stop in front of them.
The two friends looked at each other, and, with unspoken agreement leaped upon the Horse with No Name’s back.
As their newest friend started off at a full gallop, Xe and Tye laid down and hung on for dear life. “Ho No!” they screamed,” we’re going to die!”
“How did you guess that I go by ‘Ho No?’ asked the Horse with No Name.
“Is that a Hawaiian word?” asked Tye.
“No, it’s short for HOrse with NO Name,” replied the horse. “And I won’t let you die. I’ll stop if I feel one of you slipping off.”
On like that they went for about 87 miles, with Ho No settling into a smooth trot that she could keep up for hours. The riders kept their eyes closed for a long time, pressing themselves against her broad, flat back. Except for an occasional grunt, their claws digging into her sides didn’t seem to bother Ho No at all. At one point, Tye opened her eyes, and seeing how pretty Ho No’s mane was braided, asked her about it. “It’s because I’m a girl,” Ho No said as if that was the only explanation needed.
After what felt like 87 hours Ho No came to a halt. “This is the end of the line for me, girls,” she whinnied. I’ve gotten you as far as northeast Georgia. I spoke with one of my friends, who is going to pick you up and take you the rest of the way to the big white house.”
“Will we see you again?” Tye began to ask, but Ho No had already disappeared down the back dirt road in a cloud of dust. Or maybe it was a cloud of red clay since they were, after all, in Georgia
They waited there for about 87 minutes, watching for another horse to appear, hopefully one with a real name. They were taking advantage of the fresh water nearby (that Ho No had promised was safe), when an old truck came charging down the road.
“Xe Xe,” whispered Tye, ” get your nose out of the grass and look at this. I think maybe the ICY Plott Hound has found us, but something looks different about him.”
At that, Xe whipped around, ready to make a run for it with Tye.
Xena: To start off our not quite WW we want to wish everyone a belated happy St. Patrick’s Day, and feature the back of the green shirt that was printed during Angel Lexi’s second run as Toto in the Wizard of Oz.
Can you find Lexi’s name? The first one to get the right answer will win… oh, never mind; Lucy’s just going to stop me anyway.
Lucy: Next, we want to feature the infamous cone of shame. You may remember that “Lois” showed up at our front door claiming to be Ludwig’s cousin. You can click hereif you missed that one. Many of you were justifiably dubious, and thought it was probably Ludwig in drag. Well, we are here to tell you that you were right! The first give-away (no, not a trip, Xena) was that “Lois” immediately took up Ludwig’s usual place on the old Victrola.
Spying on Xena was such a shameful act that he has to wear the cone of shame, at least until we figure out where Mr. Eleephant is.
Now for our Cone of Shame funny, he, he, he.
Thanks to Comedy Plus for hosting the Wordless Wednesday Blog Hop!
XOX from your friends, Lucy and Xena Schnauzer Warrior Princess
If you missed Part 1, click here, and Part 2, click here.
Lucy: OK Xena, you’ve kept everyone waiting long enough. It’s time for the next installment of your story. Let’s see, you left Tye in an interment camp for illegal Siamese and others our country didn’t want here, and you were on your way to get her out. What happens next? Do you get Tye out and bring her home with you?
Xena: Well, you see, I’ve been thinking about it, and sometimes things get worse before they get better. At least that’s what I’ve heard. But maybe not too much worse…
A Dog, Her Cat Friends and a Plot Hound Part 3
Xe took her suitcase full of good raw meat – frozen to keep it from spoiling – and hopped the first bus she could find heading out to the detention center in Texas where poor Tye had been imprisoned.
Xe told the driver what was happening, and he put the peddle to the metal, ignoring the rest of his stops. Later that night the driver dropped Xe off at the address Tye had given for the center and wished her well.
Meanwhile, Tye was saying goodbye to the second doggie she had ever made friends with. Pedro the chihuahua had been picked up by Border Patrol and been detained until he found a sponsor. A nice American man rescued Pedro the chihuahua. Instead of saying, “Gracias,” Pedro kept yelling, “Quiero Taco Bell.” He must have been starving!
Tye, also famished from subsisting on a diet of rotten vegetables, pleaded with the man to take her, too. “Please, nice man, won’t you take me home with you, or at least get me outta here and onto a bus to my friend’s house in Tennessee?” But the man said he was only allowed to rescue one detainee at a time. He promised to try to come back for her, though, especially since she and Pedro were now friends.
Xe had hidden in the bushes until the breakfast bell rang and the guards all went off to eat. As she stealthily approached the fence, a man carrying a chihuahua walked past her.
The pup kept screaming something about Taco Bell, and that made Xe’s stomach growl loudly. The man walked faster, thinking Xe was about to attack. Xe thought about following them, hoping to score a taco, but resolved to get Tye out from behind that fence first. Yes! Tye was her first priority, even over her stomach, and that shows a lot of love from a schnauzer, even a warrior princess schnauzer.
All the resolve in the world couldn’t help her when an ICY Plott Hound guard suddenly appeared from around the corner. He had heard all the yelling, and came to see if someone was passing out tacos. Xe decided to make a run for it ..
… when the ICY Plott Hound guard grabbed her by the back leg and slung her into a bag with a sign on it that read, “Schnauzer meat, good to eat.” Xe hoped the sign was a joke, but what kind of a person – or dog – would joke about that! In short order, Xe was processed (no, not made into meat; her paperwork got finished), then she was thrown into a detention area.
Even though this was not the reunion they had both imagined, Tye and Xe were happy to see each other again. “What’s in that red cooler over there?” asked Xe. “Rotten vegetables,” replied Tye, with a look of both disdain and resignation on her face. Xe was about to explain that there were good probiotics in some rotten veggies when a sudden flash of hope shone in Tye’s eyes. She looked at Xe and whispered, “We can plan our escape together. There is a COOL guard in here who likes me, and she will help us!”
The next day, when the COOL guard came to see how Tye was doing, she was surprised to see Tye cuddled up sleeping with a schnauzer warrior princess – and Minnie Mouse.
Xe had remembered to pack her bed, a pretty scarf to wear to sleep in, and a mouse toy for Tye. Tye had to meow Xe awake so they could confer with the COOL guard.
“Excuse me ma’am,” woofed Xe (Xe had been raised to have good manners), “could you please help us get out of here? I am Xe Schnauzer Warrior Princess, and I am a citizen of the great US, born in Georgia and living in Tennessee. You can check my AKC papers, it’s all right there.”
After looking over Xe’s official papers, the COOL lady took them to the office to start the process for her release. And since Xe really is a citizen of the US, she also applied to be Tye’s sponsor. While Xe and Tye waited, they filled their bellies with the now thawed meat that Xe had brought.
87 hours later, the paperwork was still not ready. Come nightfall, the two friends snuggled up to sleep in the comfort of each other’s company. The next morning the COOL guard, also called the NICE (short for Not ICY) guard by Tye and Xe, returned with all the paperwork they needed to be released and allowed to go back to Tennessee.
“Well, we’re out,” meowed Tye, who still wore her ID from the detention center. “Now what?”
“I don’t know,” woofed Xe. “I don’t know how to get home from here, and I want my Mommy.”
“Don’t worry,” Tye said in her best soothing voice. “I’ve come all the way from Siam, almost got thrown overboard on the ship, got locked up in a detention center, ate rotten vegetables for a week, and then my bestie XeXe came and rescued me!”
At Tye’s words, Xe had to smile, if only a little, and her heart swelled with love for her cat friend. “You’re right, TyeTye, it can only get better from here. Let’s go home.”
The sun was just rising behind them as they began their journey north on paw, hoping that a NICE person would give them a lift to Tennessee.
Come back next Monday to find out what happens next.
Story and pictures by Xena, all rights reserved, except for certain cats in Canada who are part of this story. But the mean old plott hound can’t use this to his own devices.
If you missed Xena’s story, Part 1, please click here.
Lucy: Xena, as your most excellent editor, I must nudge you to write the second part of your story. Your fans are waiting, and you don’t want to disappoint them. As for me, I need a nap. Why don’t you do that while I sleep?
Xena: You’re right, Luce. Let me think. *5 minutes later, which in dog time is at least half an hour* OK, here’s what happened next…
Xena’s story: A Dog and her Cat Friends, still with no Plot Hounds, Part Two
Summer slid into fall, and fall into winter, and the Siamese cats Sho and Tye missed their new schnauzer friend named Xe. “I want to go find Xe in the great USA,” meowed Tye. “She’s my only schnauzer friend – my only doggie friend, really. And we’re like sisters now.”
Come spring, Tye was determined to jump a ship and sail to the great USA to visit Xe. Sho warned her about the dangers, and said it would be smarter to stay at home near their hut Canada, and let Xe come back and visit them. Tye argued that Xe had told her that the USA didn’t have any crocodiles or cobras, so it must be a safe place.
In the end, Tye did what she wanted. Sho stayed behind to protect Canada. While trying to figure out a way to get to the great USA, Tye met a young Siamese boy who became smitten with her beauty and promised to help her board the next ship heading that way. The boy, whose name was Buddy, got a job on the ship as a deck hand, and smuggled Tye on board in his duffel bag.
Eventually the Captain found out, and was about to throw her overboard when she cried out, “Wait! Have you seen any mice on this ship since we left port? NO! No you haven’t, because I have been earning my passage. Come down to my, er, Buddy’s cabin and you can see I’m telling the truth, and it would be disastrous to throw me – your mouser – overboard.”
So down to Buddy and Tye’s cabin they went, where the Captain, delighted and astounded that Tye was telling the truth, found the ship’s mice.
After that, the Captain and Tye spent a lot of time together, and became fast friends. He often tossed the fish he caught to Tye to eat. He even gave her some corn to share with her mice friends – on the condition that the mice stay in Tye’s cabin. The little mice had never lived so well, with a soft bed and a steady supply of food, so they were happy to remain where they were.
Time flew by, and soon the ship docked at a port in Texas, USA. As Tye stepped off the ship onto American soil, an ICY officer put her in pawcuffs and told her she was being detained as an illegal Siamese cat. She was frightened and bewildered! No one had ever treated her like this. The ICY person was cold to her pitiful cries and pleas and carted her off to a horrid detention center.
After a couple of weeks of eating nothing but rotten veggies, Tye made friends with one of the ICY people. The officer said she wasn’t really ICY, just a bit COOL, and that – please don’t tell anyone – she loved cats and would try to help her. The COOL person smuggled in her IPad. Tye used it to contact Xe, asking her to come and help her escape from this awful detention center in Texas. Tye explained that cats, especially Siamese cats, had been targeted as something called “undesirables,” and were being framed as murderers and liars and thieves and were even taking jobs from American cats. Every day, cats were taking the fall for the Americans who had actually committed these crimes (except the spoiled and lazy American people didn’t really want the American cats’ jobs because it was hard work).
Xe was confused as to why Tye had come to visit without emailing her first. Then she was sad at what had happened. Then she was mad – outraged, actually – at the injustice of it all, and at what poor, innocent Tye was going through. Now was not the time to assign blame – that might come later. Xe’s first priority was freeing Tye from the bondage. Or at least from the cat detention center. She would be a Freedom Rider. “It’s a good thing I have some experience riding,” she thought, as she remembered her one – and only – time on a horse.
“Mom,” declared Xe, “I have to go help my cat friend, Tye. She’s found herself in a pooping-outside-the-litter-box load of trouble, and none of it is her fault. I have to free her from the ICY people. I’ll think of a plan on my way to Texas.”
“I can’t find the horse, I’d better take a bus. Yes, a bus. This is a job for Xe Schnauzer Warrior Princess.
Lucy: Hi Xena. Whatcha doing? You look like you’re up to something.
Xena: I’m thinking. It’s Dr. Seuss Day. He wrote fun stories and poems. You know Angel Lexi was an author, too. She wrote a whole book about her life and adventures. I’m thinking maybe I could write a little story.
Lucy: You’ll never know unless you try. Like Dr. Seuss said, “Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try!” So, how are you going to do it?
Xena: I’m thinking maybe I’ll dogtate it into one of those dogtation machines. Then, if there’s a mistake, I can blame the machine.
Lucy: Sounds like a plan. Have you come up with a story?
Xena: Yep. Here goes: My name is Xena Schnauzer Warrior Princess. Xena for short. Xe for shorter. I have two Siamese cat friends. Their names are Shoko and Tyebe. They live in a different country named Canada. Shoko is smart, and Tyebe is fun. They have their own blog. The end.
Lucy: Your dogtator seems to be working just fine. But there’s a couple of little things maybe that need changed.
Xena: Are you saying you don’t like my story, that my story stinks? Or don’t you like the Canadian cats?
Lucy: I love the Canadian cats, and your story doesn’t stink. Every good writer has someone called an editor, and since you’re such a good writer *toes crossed* you deserve a good editor like me. Now, first of all, all short stories are at least a few pages long. It would be great if you told more about everyone in the story and different things that you all do or like to do. And there is usually a plot.
Xena: But this is about cats, not plot hounds.
Lucy: Uh, ok, never mind that. The other thing is that you must not use your friends’ real names. You need to make up names, like Mary or Ann or Susan or Tammy or…
Xena’s story: A Dog and her Cat Friends, with no Plot Hounds, Part One
Xe was a beautiful miniature schnauzer with salt and pepper coloring. She had a very happy life with her dog sister Lu and her peeps, Mom and Dad. Xe went on a trip on a boat. It was a big boat, and it sailed all the way to the land of Siam. There was lots of dancing and food on the big boat, so Xe had many days and nights of fun. All the boy dogs wanted to dance with Xe because she was a very talented dancer, and pretty, too. At night, she always went back to her cabin alone and slept by herself. She missed cuddling up to Mom and Dad in the big bed back home, but then she remembered she wasn’t allowed to do that all night now, anyway. But that’s a story for another day.
After being at sea for several weeks and eating her fill of the fishies of the sea and dancing until she thought maybe her legs would fall off, Xe saw land. Before sunset that day, the big boat docked at that wonderful land called Siam. Everyone on the boat ran off and started to explore. While walking between shops, Xe met two Siamese cats. The older one was named Sho and she was very wise. The young one was named Tye and she was full of energy and very mischievous.
“Where are you from,” asked Tye, “and what is your name? I’m Tye.”
“I’m Xe, and I’m from the wonderful land of USA.”
“That’s Sho over there. She’s my big sister. Do you want to be our friend? Sho doesn’t like to play very much. Do you? What do you like to play?” Tye was full of questions, and kept jumping at the little schnauzer, who had never had a cat friend before.
When Tye stopped to catch her breath, Xe replied, “I love to play, especially chasing balls. I like to run with a friend, too, but I don’t like to be jumped at.”
“Look out little schnauzer named Xe!” exclaimed Sho. “You almost got trampled by the local traffic.”
So Xe and Tye went to the edge of the jungle where there wasn’t so much traffic and found some mangoes to play with that had not been stepped on by an elephant. Tye jumped at the fruit and batted them around with her front paws, while Xe ran and brought back the mangoes that Tye had hit further away. Sho sat and cleaned her lovely paws while keeping a watchful eye on the young ones. When one of the mangoes rolled into a nearby creek, Xe started after it.
“Stop!” meowed Sho in her loudest Siamese voice. “Little schnauzers have to be very careful about going near water where mean old crocodiles live. They have a reputation for wanting to eat all the schnauzers in the land.”
Just as Xe heard Sho yell for her to come back quickly, she saw Mort the Siamese crocodile, who was camouflaged in the muddy water. That was enough to scare even a very brave little schnauzer warrior princess like Xe. She quickly turned and ran back to Sho and Tye as fast as she could. Xe collapsed in front of them, quivering with fear or maybe with adrenaline. Yep, it was probably with adrenaline. Realizing this magical land was actually full of danger, Xe was grateful for the Siamese cats’ offer for her to go home with them to spend the night in a safe place with comfy mats on the floor to sleep on. In Siam, everyone named their huts, and Sho, being the oldest, had named their hut Canada.
The next few days were spent with the three of them together, learning more about each other and becoming fast friends. Xe sat at Sho’s feet and listened to her talk about her life in Siam, soaking up her words of wisdom. Once Sho quoted Dr. Seuss, saying, “Only you can control your future.”
Sho taught Xe the song, “I am Siamese if you please, I am Siamese if you don’t please.” That song would run through the little schnauzers head for years to come, reminding her always of her good friends and the wonderful time they had together in Siam.
Sho would nap often, and during those times, Xe and Tye would play-wrestle and chase each other around the hut, being careful to stay out of the Siam elephant traffic and away from any creeks or pools of water. Every evening the three of them took walks in the lane that bordered the jungle, being careful not just of rampaging elephants and schnauzer-eating crocodiles, but also of wild boars, leopards and cobra snakes.
Sometimes they brought mice that Tye and Xe had caught during the day to throw at the leopards if they came too near. The plan was that the mice would bounce off the leopard and then start running, causing the big, wild cat to chase after them. Out of Sho’s hearing, they whispered about trying to stuff a wiggling mouse down a cobra’s throat if they got the chance, but that chance never happened. Sometimes it misted a light rain during their evening strolls, and even Sho joined the youngsters in a joyful rain dance that included a lot of hopping and turning and yipping and chirping. After these happy dances, the three of them would run back to their hut Canada and wrap up in fluffy towels, while they sipped cups of warm, sweet tea before settling into their bed mats for the night. Always, while drifting off to sleep, young Tye would whisper something a wise “Dr.” once said, “Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one.”
The day finally came for the the big boat to blow it’s loud horn. Three times the horn sounded, signaling its imminent departure to all who wanted to sail home from Siam. With tearful hugs, Sho and Tye bid Xe goodbye and safe travels. Oh, and they exchanged email addresses so they could keep in touch and maybe even plan how to get together again. Xe dawdled so long, not wanting to leave her new – and only – cat friends that she almost missed the big boat, leaping astride the boarding ramp just as it was being pulled onto the ship. She jumped into the big boat and turned quickly toward shore, her ears flapping in the wind. She feared this would be the last time she would see Sho and Tye, and her eyes blurred as she blinked back schnauzer tears. And then it came to her: Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened. – Dr. Seuss
Xe’s fears were not to come true. The three best friends – or maybe just two of them – would find a way to see each other again soon. The End.
No one told me…well, Tyebe tried. She said after her big girl surgery it felt like someone punched her in the gut. She forgot the “sliced with a knife and sewn back up” part.
The dogtor shot me up with pain medicine and sent some pain pills home for me to start taking tomorrow morning. If I felt good enough to get up from Mommy’s lap I would find them and take a couple. (The dogtor promised they aren’t opiods.)
And if anyone is wondering, I got my full supper when we got home plus some extra beef chunks. Ohhh, I’m starting to feel drows….zzzzzz.
Note from the Mommy: The vet said Xena did really well, and he repaired the little hernia she’s had since birth, too. Her incision is the smallest I’ve ever seen for a spay, about 2 inches long. All the moaning is more a side effect of the anesthesia than from pain, and the pain pills are well out of reach! Thank you for all the POTP. I really needed it! It’s over, the patient will live and so will her Mom.