I’m So Excited!

Lucy: Are we there yet?

Five minutes later...

Xena: I heard Mommy ‘splainin to Uncle Bill all about how to feed me and Lucy. That’s when I realized I was gonna get left! Aghh! After her and Daddy left, I laid by the back door for 87 minutes waiting for her to come back, while the three “biggies” got all the excitement out of themselves.

Uncle Bill works from home, and everyone collapsed in his office. Since I hadn’t been running around like a crazy dog, I was able to help Uncle Bill with his work.

Uncle Bill even texted Mommy to let her know how great I was helping him with quotes on Dell products. Let’s see, I think this one could sell for about a gazilion liver treats. I love my Uncle Bill. Hmmm. Maybe it won’t be so bad being here for a few days after all…as long as I get to cuddle with him all night.

To be continued…

Riley’s Vet Visit and Chia Working for Mom

Riley: I can’t believe Mom Amy and Dad Jeff up and left again. Wednesday they took me to the new vet and left me all day. I was on my best behavior this time and everyone was super nice to me. They even helped me relax and take a little nap while I was there.

Chia: I wondered where you were. What happened?

Riley: When I woke up Wednesday morning after having a rough night with “the runs,” my left ear flap was swollen up like a balloon. I found out after the folks picked me up from the vet hospital late on Wednesday that it was something called a hematoma. While I was napping, the doc drained all the extra blood out of my ear flap and strapped my ears down to the side of my head. She said both my ears have fungal and bacteria infections and I must have hit something hard with my head when I was shaking my ears. They cleaned out my ears and put medicine in them while I had my nap, too. I found out they also stole some of my blood to send off to the the labs. If I catch those labradores, they’re in big trouble. But they must be smart dogs, cause they’re gonna let us know if I have heartworms, why my abdomen is so big, why the lymp nodes on my back legs are swollen (I don’t limp), why I had liquid poop, and if it would be safe for me to come back next week and take an even longer nap. I might have to do that if my ear flap swells up again. So where’s Mom Amy and Dad Jeff, and where’s Lucy and Xena?

Chia: I heard something about an anniversary trip. Mom took Lucy – my best buddy – with her. And she took Xena – my second best buddy and the only dog in the house who can make Alexa obey her.

And she took the laptop with her. So I’m gonna try to get on the work ‘puter as Mom. I can pound on that keyboard type really fast. Then she will get paid for working while she’s gone. And I’ll (hopefully) get more treats. Pretty smart, huh? But I’m gonna take a work nap first.

Riley: Did someone say it’s nap time?

Lucy: Are we there yet?

To be continued…

Baby Bridger on Awww Monday

Thanks to Comedy Plus for hosting Awww Mondays.

Lucy: I love Bridger. He’s a tiny person. He’s like a little puppy. Except he doesn’t have any fur and he can’t walk. But boy, can he cry! He makes lots of other noises too, like giggles and churgles and murmerings.

Sometimes I lick his toes, and he doesn’t really react, but maybe he can feel my love and devotion Oh, did I forget to tell you who Bridger is? He’s Mom’s work helper’s pup, er, baby. He’s four months old now! I watch when his Mama changes his diaper. I might have to do that some day, you know, and I want to be prepared. Or I might get to eat it someday, and I want to be ready. Not that I’ll admit I’ve ever done that before.

Xena: Sometimes I hide behind Mommy’s chair when that baby is here. I’ve thought about turning off the computer so I can get more attention so Mommy doesn’t have to work so hard, but I can’t really do much with this cone of allergies surrounding my head. I sure hope Mommy hasn’t forgotten who her baby is.

I wonder which of these things turns off the ‘puter.

Sometimes I lay in my bed and sulk wait patiently for Mommy to notice me.

JenJen Bear keeps me company, and sometimes Elle and Oscar come by to cheer me up. Can you see Lucy reflected in the mirror behind me? Her bed is under Mommy’s table-desk.

I usually bark a lot when Miss Brooke and Bridger come in downstairs to go to the office. Today I slipped down quietly and greeted them nicely. I even went over to little Bridger to give a friendly wag hello. Mommy didn’t even know I was downstairs, I was so quiet, and Miss Brooke was impressed with my behavior. Unfortunately, she didn’t have any treats to give me. Unlike Lucy, I am not interested in a dirty diaper.

A little later when Mommy “went” to work downstairs, I went back down with her and did a repeat performance. Smile, wag, no bark. Mommy told me what a good girl I am. (I still didn’t get any treats, but I’m not giving up.) Mommy thinks the change in my behavior might be because of the CBD oil I am on to try to help with the itchies from my allergies. (CBD oil ordered from Miss Monika at Tails Around the Ranch. Check it out.) She doesn’t know that I’ve simply switched tactics.

Lucy: I don’t need drugs to be nice.

We also wanted to tell you that we just got back from a trip where we were stuck in a house by ourselves for 87 hours, almost ran over five baby cows and a red fox, and and got to schmooz with our peep relatives. Mom is going to help us post about that a little later this week.

Lucy and Xena Schnauzer Warrior Princess

Achilles & Ella Vacation Day 8

Lucy: I came in to kiss you before I go to work. That’s what Mom and Dad always do. But I see you’re in da Hood. I’m going downstairs now. See you tonight, honey.

Achilles: What does she mean, she’s going to work?

Ella: So, this is where Aunt Amy works? She’s home with you all day?

Lucy: Yeppers. And this is where I stay with her all day and help her. Sometimes Mom’s assistant is here with her dog Hank, and sometimes Bridger, her little baby person, comes, too. I like that a lot.

Ella: I think I will stay right here and help Aunt Amy, too, since it doesn’t look like her assistant or Hank or Bridger are coming today.

Lucy: Which reminds me, where’s Morty? I was so excited about you and Achilles being here with me that I forgot all about him.

Ella: I hear that your Mom didn’t feel quite ready to take on caring for him yet. We know a vet who takes care of pigs like Mortimer, so he is boarding him while we are on vacation.

Mortimer on his way to the vet

Achilles: Hey y’all. What are you doin’?

Hi Aunt Amy. What’s everyone doin’? Can I do it too? Where’s Miss Brooke? I helped her yesterday when she went in the bathroom. I didn’t want her to be lonely in there all by herself. She sure looked surprised and didn’t get the door shut fast enough and pet me while my head was on her lap. I thought she might need some help today, too.

Xena: Hey! What’s going on here? Why’s everyone in my office?

There’s not room for two of us with cones on down here. You’re gonna knock something over or break something, Achilles. Go over by the fridge and lay down, or go upstairs or something. You’re in my way. I want in Mommy’s lap. I need to sleep there so she can work.

a few minutes later

I thought I was in da Hood [see previous post] with Xena. She sure is fickle…and bossy!

The Mom: Sometimes it’s more of a zoo than a workplace around here. It’ a perk of working from home!

Lucy, Ella, Achilles and Xena Schnauzer Warrior Princess

You Simply Won’t Believe (Or, an Office is Moved)

Xena: You simply won’t believe what happened.

Lucy: Is that because you make things up so often?

Xena: No! It’s because it’s, it’s…oh never mind, I just want to tell what happened. And it’s true. Every word of it. You’re not going to believe this. *hop, hop*

Mommy’s friend’s name is Laurie. Miss Laurie has Eefah (OK, so that’s not how it’s really spelled, but that’s what it sounds like, and I’m goin’ with it.) She’s a really nice Soft-coated Wheaten Terrier. Miss Laurie brings Eefah to be groomed every 6 weeks and her and Mommy talk the whole time. It’s something like 87 hours. This is Eefah after going home from being groomed.

I’m Aoife and I approve these pictures.

Lucy: Xena, this falls in the “Lucy Ace Reporter on the Groom Beat” category. What does this have to do with the offi…

Xena: Shhh, I’m telling the story, Lucy. So anyhow, Miss Laurie brought a bottle of…wait for it…whiskey to work. Did I mention that Miss Laurie works in the office next to Mommy’s? Anyhoo, it was for some event they were having, or so it was said. Mommy wanted to try it. Scandal! Drinking alcohol at work! So the office – in fact, the whole building – got closed – and…

Lucy: Hold up. That is not why the building got closed!

Xena: Well, how do you know? How do you know that the whole story about the building being something called structurally unsound was the real reason. Maybe it was a cover up to the scandal? Maybe…

I’m Ole Smoky Tennessee Salty Caramel Whiskey, and I do not approve this message.

Tennessee Whiskey Bottle: Hold up there, you crazy schnauzer. Do you really think that one little ole sip of me could close the entire building and make everyone have to work somewhere else? Do you think that they would have spent thousands of dollars for months and months — before the “alleged” scandal happened — trying to quantify the damage from the soil shifting that caused cracks and mold in the building? You are one loco pup with a big imagination. I get around, and I hear things. It was the terrible drought followed by the torrential rains that finally did it in. That bad soil the synagogue was built on finally did a real bad shift and now it is unsafe to be in there. Now stop telling tall tails, or even short tales, you little terrier with a giant imagination, and maybe some day you’ll even be allowed a wee sip of me.

Xena: *bewildered look* Uh, as I was trying to say, the office is now in the bottom floor of our home. That area is something called an “in-law suite.” I wonder where the “out-laws” get to sleep, BOL! With no 40 minute commute, Mommy gets to sleep later and work in her casual clothes. Of course, that also means we get our breakfast later, and I don’t like that at all. I jump in bed and nudge under her neck, trying to get her up to feed me, er, us.

Our new home office

And Miss Brooke, who is the Office Assistant and only lives a few minutes away comes to our house to work. She got her own key and everything. We get to stay in the office with them all day and get pet and I lay in Mommy’s lap a lot. Miss Brooke really likes us both and says we are very good pups. And I don’t have to stay in my kennel any more. Of course, that also means I don’t get my treat puzzle, either. That’s another thing that falls in the not good column, but I really do like having Mommy home all day.

Lucy: And now Mom is home when we think we should get our supper. I remind her by poking her with my nose. Me and Xena, we used to synchronize our pokes to Dad to let us out and give us treats, with Xena standing under me. He says we look like a 2-headed Cerberus like that. Now he shuts his home office door. He says his leg was starting to bruise and he wasn’t getting any work done, either. One day last week I stuck my head under Mom’s leg while she was sitting in her work chair and tried to lift her up so she would come feed us. It surprised her, but it didn’t work.

Miss Brooke’s own dog, Hank, has started coming with her. Every time I see Hank, I try to make up with him, but he doesn’t seem to want to be friends. I’ll keep trying, like I did with Riley, and I know he will eventually be my friend.

I’m Hank, and I’m not unfriendly or afraid; I’m just not interested.

Xena: Hank’s afraid of me. Mommy says it’s cause I bark at him. Isn’t that barkalishis? I’m only 15 pounds to his 45 pounds. He must know I’m a Schnauzer Warrior Princess. I invite him to play every time he is here, but he always says no way Hose Aye. My name isn’t Hose Aye. He must have me mixed up with some chihuahua he knows. Mommy got Angel Lexi’s bed from the attic for him to lay on. But when he’s not here on Wednesdays and Thursdays…

We keep Mommy and Miss Brooke company and give them moral support. All day.

Keep up the good work Mommy and Miss Brooke.

We are Lucy and Xena Schnauzer Warrior Princess at work.

I’m Getting Sea Rum

Mommy got a job. I liked it better when she was home with me all day. I slept in her lap a lot! Now Mommy is working at another church, uh, I mean a synagogue. I think that’s right. Anyhow, it’s another place where God lives.

Lucy: Grodd lives here with us.

Good grief, Lucy, I said God, not Grodd. Anyhow, I grodd — dang, I meant got. I got to go to the synagogue with Mommy last week. Everyone came in Mommy’s office to meet me and pet me and tell me how sweet and pretty I am. One lady even said that I had leg hairs like the big Clydesdale horses! Mommy was real busy keeping me under control working, and she forgot to take any pictures. I even got to go to the staff meeting because I threw a fit when she left me alone in the office across the hall, where Mommy made me stay on her lap and everybody ignored me.

We left work early and went up the road a short piece to the special vet’s where I had gone two weeks ago. He is called an allergist, and I heard he comes here to Chattanooga from the Knoxville Veterinary school at UTK. That’s where really good animal dogtors teach students how to be animal dogtors. He is supposed to be very special, or maybe on a special list.

I really didn’t know why I was there, but I should have guessed it wasn’t for anything good when Mommy lost the battle about holding me for something that was about to happen. She had to wait in the lobby while they whisked me into the inner bowels of the building. I remained brave. I didn’t even flinch when they cruelly stuck a needle in my arm. The next thing I knew, the world kinda’ started spinning. Then everything got peaceful, and I didn’t care what was happening. I heard the sound of clippers, like what Mommy uses to groom me, before I felt little pricks, but it didn’t bother me at all.

Before long, they gave me a shot and the world started coming back into focus. The nice nurse, Noah, wrapped me up in a fluffy towel and brought me out to Mommy. Mommy held me and talked sweet to me, but I was kind of a little bit mad at her for not saying, “No,” like she does when the vet places want to shove the glass stick up my patootie. I wouldn’t even look at her. I kept growling, but the growls all faded out into pitiful whimpers. Finally, I let my anal glands empty on her arm.  I thought I heard Angel Lexi coaching me on that one.

I  wanted Daddy to hold me when we got home. I feel safe in his arms.Nurse Noah gave Mommy a paper showing what I tested positive to.  I am allergic to 17 of the things they tested me for, ranging from different trees and grasses to fleas and house mold. Nurse Noah is going to make my sea rum on Monday and mail it to me. I sure hope it tastes good!

Xena, the Polka Dot Schnauzer Warrior Princess


Boring Days

Mommy and me, we aren’t working at the St. Luke church anymore. We went from 3 days to 2 days to 0 days. You can see I was always busy there; never a boring minute. We took my ‘puter home with us (you can see a little of it just behind my bed) and I am still waiting on the IT people to set it up for me at home.                                                                       Me busy at work

I can’t go to Mommy’s new job at another Methodist church ’cause they have something called a Licensed Daycare. Mommy said I wouldn’t like it there anyhow, ’cause there’s lots and lots and lots of little screaming kids right outside her office door. She puts on her headphones and listens to music. I don’t have any headphones, but it doesn’t matter ’cause I’m not allowed to go anyhow. So here I am without a job. Sometimes I get so bored I count the flowers on the blanket. Yep, my Guardian Angel Lexi is teaching me how to count. So far I can count one plus one plus one. I think that comes to one.

At least Mommy’s home with me on the days we used to go to work together. And so is my friend Sweetheart Bear.Sometimes we watch Netflix shows together. Last week I saw this huge animal on the TV and I barked and barked at it. I found out it is called a horse. The rest of the afternoon, I barked at the TV every time I walked past it, just in case that horse was still there. I wanted it to know I am a brave Schnauzer Princess Warrior. I think I scared it away, too.Sometime I play with my bones and bully horn. I chew them and I throw them and push them all over the house. It makes tons of wonderful noise. The only problem is I won’t be able to hear the horse coming because of all the noise. Mommy says that’s ok, she can’t hear anything, either, when I am doing that.                        Will someone please find Xena a job? ~Lucy

I think I will take a nap before we go to my Agility Won class.I am Xena the *yawn* Bored Schnauzer Princess Warrior

At Work on My Birthday


Here I am at work with Mommy, getting baby hold time on my very first birthday. I wonder when I am going to get my nice pressies. I wonder what I’m getting special for supper. I’ve even got my birthday cupcake scarf on so efurryone will know it’s my special day.



Thanks, everyone, for your suggestions for what to ask for on my birthday. Mommy’s giving heart worm prevention to a no-kill shelter in the area. And I’ve asked for more of what I already have, since I can’t think of anything new.

Mommy, Mommy, I need you to tell me sumptin.

Today I turn one year old, right? Does that mean I’m all grown up and I’m not your baby anymore? *whispers* I still want to be your baby.

Mom: Xexe honey, no matter how old you are, you are and always will be my baby and my heart, all wrapped up in one.Good! When does the party start?

(Dear Reader, please come back tomorrow for pictures of the surprise festivities. – the Mommy)

I am Xena the Birthday Schnauzer Warrior Princess




Planning My Birthday

I was cuddling with Mommy while she worked when she stopped and said to me, “Xena, your birthday is coming up real soon. Have you thought about what you would like?” Of course I hadn’t. I didn’t really know about birthdays. Mommy went on to explain that one year ago I was born on June 21. So this Thursday, I will be one year old, and I will get presents and we will celebrate my life.

I thought and thought and asked if I could get some more bravery so that the loud thunder and new things don’t scare me. I want to be brave like Angel Lexi was. Mommy said I will get braver as I get older, and besides, I can do other things that Angel Lexi wouldn’t. When I asked like what, she said I scoot clear under the couch so fast to get my ball that she hardly has time to blink. Angel Lexi refused to do that. That made me smile, and then think some more. I don’t want any more clothes, and I have lots of stuffies. I always get great food – I mean, chicken or steak or fish every night! As well as chickie feet and liver and gizzards and green tripe and fresh veggies and fruit and sauerkraut and coconut oil. What more could a pup ask for in their dish?

I have round bones that I play soccer with and a really big bully horn to chew (it’s really Lucy’s, but she lets me have it). Yep, I have a great sister who puts up with me no matter what I do to her (he, he). I get to go to work and see my friends there, and now to my training classes and sometimes even to stores. I have a soft bed, and a Mommy and Daddy who love me.

Hmmm. This is a hard question. I don’t know what to ask for. Can someone give me ideas?


I am Xena the Almost One Year Old Schnauzer Warrior Princess

The Lineup

At work, I like everything to be “just-so,” in it’s place. I think I am just like my Mommy.  She likes everything “just-so” on her desk, too. I often take my stuffies and other toys into the hallway to play with them.  (Mommy doesn’t do that with her boring desk stuff.)

You can see I have everyone lined up nice and neat. Closest to me is Blue Bone, then Little Bunny, then Brownie Bear, then Hedgehog, then Rope Toy. I carry them out here one at a time and carefully place each one next in line.

Now it is time to play and visit with my friends.

So Brownie, this is what that other dog named Mallie did to me. What? You don’t like it either? I know! It is so rude. Miss Beth said she won’t bring Mallie here anymore on Thursdays, but she might bring her on Mondays when we are here. I heard her and Mommy talking about us getting to be friends. I guess that would be OK – as long as she keeps her nose away from my bee-hind.

Sometimes when I get sleepy I invite one of my stuffies to come back in the office from the hallway to join me for a nap. Today it was Brownie Bear, after I promised to not stick my nose you-now-where anymore. Sweetheart was already napping in my bed. *yawn* (He, he, I made Mommy yawn, too. I told you we are just alike.)

I am Xena the Schnauzer Warrior Princess with my Stuffies


I’m a S.T.A.R. Puppy!

Mommy and me I have been going to my first puppy class for the past six Thursday nights. I’m telling you, it made for an exhausting day. First we went to the church and worked all day. Then Mommy had to find something to do for an hour or two and ended up going to Sonic or McDonald’s where I got to sit in the car with her and watch her eat.

S.T.A.R.  is the name of the class S=Socialization; T=Training; A=Activity; R=Responsibility. I think this might mean I am a T.rained S.ocialist  and a R.esponsible A.ctivist. Now Mommy is shaking her head no, no, no.

All us pups had to pay close attention to the teacher. 

Sweetheart Bear went with me one night. She was very impressed and couldn’t believe everything I had to do at class.

We all had to walk clear around the classroom practicing walking loose on a leash, sitting, laying down, and walking past each other without reacting. I did really good. In fact, Mommy said I was the best one there! *big wiggle and smile*

Well, at least I learned “down,” and to walk next to Mommy while we are in the class and she has treats in her hand.

Mommy got pictures of a couple of my classmates. This funny-looking puppy sat next to me the first night we were there. He was what Mommy calls hyper We didn’t get to be friends.

This  is Amber, the Afghan Hound puppy.She and her folks sat on the other side of us the first night, and from then on we always sat together during class. She tried sticking her biglongnose into my bee-hind, but she stopped once I ‘splained to her that I did not like that and don’t do it again. Do you see her front-hook halter? It’s just like Lucy’s. Mommy ‘splained to her Mom and Pop how good those are, and they got her one. They said it is like magic, te, he.

Last night I graduated! I had to take a test, and I did really, really good. I got a certificate with my name and Mommy’s and Daddy’s name on it. I don’t know why they put Daddy’s name on it since he never ever came to class. Maybe they were just being nice and didn’t want him to feel left out. Mommy gave me more treats, too!Next month me and Mommy Mommy and I will start six weeks of the Tips and Techniques class. If I Mommy does good there, we will go on to Agility Won. Yep, I want to win at agility two! Hmm, Mom is shaking her head no, no, no again. He, he, Mommy, I’m just joking.  (But we really are going to take an Agility Class, too!)

I am Xena the S.T.A.R. Schnauzer Princess Warrior






I still like ants. I think they are fun to catch, and don’t taste bad at all. Mommy says they are free protein, and laughs. I am outside at lunchtime with Mommy. I look to my right and don’t see any ants.

I look to my left and…wait, what’s that scurrying away from me?

Got one!

I had some red cabbage with my ants for lunch.

I am Xena the Schnauzer Ant-Eating Princess


Miss Beth is was is my favorite person at work. I have always felt happy when she came to see me. Now she has replaced me with a dog she adopted to live with her. The dog’s name is Mallie. Me and Mallie almost got in a fight the first time she came into my office. Sure, sure, we met outside, where there’s lots of room to walk around and not feel so much “with” the other dog. When we went inside she did something really gross.  She stuck her nose under my tail and sniffed my bee-hind. I jumped around to face her and growled. She wagged her tail, like, yeah, growl all you want, I still got to stick my nose up your bee-hind. I was angry.  Next thing I knew, Mallie growled and jumped at me. That really scared me. After those feelings passed, I felt sad. Have I lost my Beth?

The next time Mallie came to my office, we pretty much ignored each other. And I ignored Miss Beth. I felt hurt and disappointed. 

Then Miss Beth came in without Mallie and stayed for a few hours. I wondered if she sent Mallie back to wherever she found her. I felt happy and gave Miss Beth a lot of attention.

Mommy explained to me that Miss Beth had rescued Mallie from a bad place that made her have puppies over and over again. She said I should try to be more understanding and loving and to try harder to get along with her. Now I feel kinda guilty. I still don’t want Mallie here, but I know I should try harder to be her friend. I feel really conflicted.What do you do when this kind of thing happens?

I am Xena, the Confused Schnauzer (Warrior) Princess


As I was taking a nice, relaxed lunch in the sunshine, I saw movement around my feet……and wondered what that little scurrying thing would taste like.It ran away, but there were more, probably it’s sisters and brothers and aunts and uncles and friends. “What a fun game,” I thought, “to try to see how many I can catch.” It wasn’t too hard, and once I got them in my mouth it was just easier to swallow them than to try to spit them out.Ohh, I think I’ve had enough little black ants for one day. It feels like they are still running around, but in my tummy.Let’s go back inside now Mommy. I need a drink to try to drown those tummy ants.

I am Xena, the Anteating Schnauzer Warrior Princess. *burb*

Cave of the Clan Bears

Xena: Thank you all for coming. Actually, I didn’t realize this many bears lived in my house. Anyhow let’s get started. Rainbow, why don’t you tell us what happened at work.Rainbow: Well, Mommy packed me up and took me with her to keep you company. When you left the room, Ludwig jumped down off Mommy’s printer and sidled up to me in your bed. He said you just wanted to be his friend so it was ok. Then he said such nice things to me, I felt all warm and cuddly.

Xena: That’s ’cause you are warm and cuddly, Rainbow.

Rainbow: Oh. So that didn’t mean he is my boyfriend?

Xena: No. And now that you know you don’t need Ludwig to feel good about yourself, do you still want him to be your boyfriend?

Rainbow: Nuh uh.

Xena: Great, I’ll take that as a no. Then let’s make a plan. I learned from a show Mommy was watching that we can form an all lie ants. 

Brownie: What’s that? Is it good to eat, like honey? Xena: No. It’s a dish served cold, like revenge. 

Winter: I’m the biggest bear here. I could set up a table and serve it to him with a little foie gras on the side. That’s served cold too. And maybe some fresh…

Xena: No, no, no! Sweetheart, you come with me to work and lure him back to the house with your heart that says.. uh, Mommy, what does Sweetheart’s heart say?

Mommy: It says “Sweetheart.” What are y’all up to?Xena with bears

Xena: Uh, nothing. I mean, just playing.

Sweetheart: We are all lying ants.

Mommy: *scrunches forehead* Huh? Oh, never mind. Has anyone seen my glasses? I can’t find my glasses. *walks away*

Xena and Bears: *whispers and giggles*

To be continued…


You are a soft, lovely Bär with many colors, while I, Herr Ludwig, am only a boring gray.

Ludwig! What are you doing with Rainbow?Prinzessin Xena, I didn’t expect you back so soon.

Obviously not! Get. Out. Of. My. Bed.

Oh, you cannot mean that, my love. You know my affection for you runs deep. I was just, umm, I was just……(whispering) I was just telling Rainbow about my wunderbar visit with you and your family over the Easter holiday. Yes! That is what I was doing.

And you, Rainbow, tell me what happened while I was gone.Ludwig is my boyfriend. He said I have beautiful furs.

You scoundrel Ludwig! I should rip off your ear!

Mommy: Xena! Don’t bite Ludwig. Ludwig! Get out of Xena’s bed, now!

I still love you, my Prinzessin.

No, no you don’t! Just go and leave me be. Rainbow, you get out, too.And stay out!

When there are no words…


Post-Easter Post

My brother Adam celebrated Easter with me and Lucy and Mommy and Daddy and Ludwig. Here is what the peeps ate.As our guest, Ludwig was offered some, but he politely declined, saying he was not hungry.

Me and Lucy had deer burger and chicken livers and broccoli and some other yummy things.

Too soon, it was time to go back to work, and Ludwig went with us. He was worried about Mommy’s printer, which had been left unguarded since last Thursday. Who knows what could have happened to it without Ludwig there guarding it!

Ludwig, you look awfully tense.

My Prinzessin, your family’s hospitality was without reproach, and your castle magnificent; however, I must return to my duties, post-haste.

The T-Lex will have us there in less than half an hour, Ludwig. I’m sure everything will be ok. Try to relax.

It is true that I did not sleep well last night, I was so conflicted, fretting about the absence from my job while enjoying time with you, my love, my beautiful Xena.


15 minutes later…

*yawn* I’ve got my new rainbow bear Mommy gave me for Easter. Zzzzzz.

Frau Mommy’s printer is here and is well. I have not failed!

Frau Mommy: Where is my wastebasket? Who took my wastebasket? Has anyone seen my wastebasket? It was right here when we left on Thursday.

I’m sorry Mommy, but I don’t care where the stupid wastebasket is. Just give me whatever you were going to throw into it. And will you please tell Ludwig I kicked out Rainbow Bear so that he has room in my bed? I miss him.

I am Xena, the Schnauzer (sometimes Warrior) Princess alone in my bed.

Xena’s Visitor

Xena: Hi Ludwig. Why are you wearing my walking vest?

It is because Das Mommy has invited me home for Easter holiday.

Xena: Really? That’s great! You’ll get to meet my big sister Lucy and, and (quietly) you might like her…more than you like me… and then… No, no, Ludwig, you wouldn’t like it at my house at all! Not at all! Lucy might eat you. You’ve gotta tell Mommy you can’t come. But that would be rude, lovely Prinzessin. You must not ask me to do that.

A few minutes later…

Xena: So this is my car, Herr Ludwig. It’s name is T-Lex after my Angel Sister Lexi. It goes really fast, but you mustn’t be afraid. You can look out the windows and see other cars and people and buildings and all kinds of stuff.

This is fun, Prinzessin Xena. I would like to have a T-Lex also.  It is wunderbar.

Xena: Ludwig, wake up! We’re almost home.

Xena: First the important stuff. This is the toy basket. Those are my toys. Understand? My toys.I have no need of toys, beautiful Xena. After all, I have you.

Lucy: Who is your friend, Xena? Can I play with him?

Xena: No! Er, I mean, I’m showing Ludwig around, so please don’t bother us right now. Why don’t you go see if our supper is ready? And ask Mommy to set a place for Ludwig, too.


3 hours later…

Xena: What am I gonna do, Lucy?I don’t know, Xena. He’s your problem. You brought him home and told me to stay away from him. All I know is this is my bed and you can’t sleep here.

I am Xena, the Schnauzer Warrior Princess with nowhere to lay my head.